I'll miss you 2014.

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You will call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior"

I rang in 2014 with this song in my heart. The idea of stepping out of faith, literally without borders was a foreign concept to me before 2014. 

To recap this past year:

- Move to Illinois

- Study Ministry for a semester

- Urban Missions to LA

- Get a job

- Birthday in California

- Come back home

- Get promoted TWICE within a matter of months

--- And to cap everything off, i met the most amazing people throughout all these events. At Calvary, Trinity, and work place...I've met such genuine, loving people-- whom ALL God placed in my life for specific reasons.

While this all seems like a grand scheme of my restlessness and maybe even a symptom of being a confused girl in her 20s-- Don't confuse yourself. They were all just near glimpses of what God has in store for me. It's amazing to think that this is just the beginning of all the blessings He has in store for me. And it all just started out with faith. Faith that has no borders, faith that made me have complete trust in Him...to just answer His call.

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,

whose trust is the Lord.

He is like a tree planted by water,

that sends out its roots by the steam,

and does not fear when heat comes,

for its leaves remain green,

and is not anxious in the year of drought,

for it does not cease to bear fruit."

Jeremiah 17: 7-8

BLESSED is the man who trusts in the Lord. DOES NOT FEAR when heat comes. IS NOT ANXIOUS in the year of drought. As some of you know, i've had my huge UPS! andddd a lot of downs. This year as a whole was filled with endless blessings, reminders, and challenges. Although i admit there were a few instances where i literally had no idea what i was doing...i never stopped believing and trusting God. Throughout my confusion, the one thing that kept me rooted was that FACT that God has a plan for me. Whatever good, whatever bad, comes my way...He is with me.

2014..i'll miss you dearly. You were so good to me, and so good to all those around me. You're definitely one for the books, one that i'll think of the rest of my life. One that i'll always go back to, when i need a reminder of His love and grace.

SOOOO to ring in the new fabulous 2 0 1 5 -- what better way than to ring it in with this song and bible verse once again. Romans 8 has also been a huge part of my devotion to God this year as...all about that perseverance!! And with that, 2015... i'm ready for you. Whatever challenges you have coming my way..whatever great blessings you have in stored for me, i'm ready.

Happy happy new year everyone! Praying, hoping, and wishing you all a fruitful, joyful, loving year! I'm so utterly grateful for everyone who stuck out 2014 with me..And I hope you all can trust in God, just as i did-- maybe even more :D I know it's easier said than done..but once it's done---man oh man, you are in for a rollar coaster of blessings! Whether its moving to a new state, or just coming out your comfort zone just a whee bit. He is with you. Trusttttttt~

Much love, much hope-- 

xx

Emotional Inventory

As i sat through a sermon this past Sunday, i was reminded how significant my consistent blogging this past year has been(except the recent months).

Emotional Inventory is what the Pastor called it. He emphasized how important an emotional inventory is ...DAILY. Not just once a month, or even just once a year. But a daily habit we must take on.

Whether it's writing your emotions/feelings down in a blog, journal, to a friend, etc -- have an outlet of communication. Only then are you able to acknowledge and come to terms to how you really feel.
Majority of the time, we're stuck avoiding what we're really feeling due to how "busy" we get after a situation occurs -- not allowing time to feel.

Don't let it get to a stage where you end up...let's say, running away to another state to avoid your problems/feelings all together ...heh. (yes, i'm talking about myself.) -- and that's a post for another day.
But it really does build up. Work, friends, family, and so many days past by being too "busy." that one day you become confused to how you really feel, as opposed to what your actions or even heart may have intended.

Emotional Inventory: Take a few minutes a day..of silence, or with some nice background music of your choice. Let yourself comprehend what's been happening in life, and allow yourself to let the emotions hit. F e e l what you want to, S a y what you want to - communicate it verbally, or tucked into a journal. That way, you at least can say you're emotionally healthy, and aware of how you're feeling and what you should do with those feelings (in the most logical, rational, healthy way).

My best form of emotional inventory? Talking to God in the shower, drives to/from work, etc. Anytime i have alone time, i try to always fill the space with music or some distraction. But these days, i've been trying my best to just talk to Him-- trust me, it helps ;)


And on another note, 2014 is come to a near end. I've said this the past 2 times i've blogged sporadically, but i hope to write soon my friends. Hope you all are so so good and well.

xx

Retract

When we feel a burning sensation from heat or fire, we immediately retract. We want to quickly get our skin away from that pain-- that future burn.
Is that what happens in terms of relationships?
Once we feel an oncoming rejection...or a feel a slight chance of getting hurt...we retract.
(that may have been a bad analogy because no one likes getting physically burned..but ya feel me right?)

I personally feel myself doing this the second i sense i'm putting more effort into a relationship. The second i come to a realization that i'm the "better" friend or see that they don't put even half as much effort in as i do...I draw away from the relationship.

Granted that everyone with these steel walls has every reason to put them up (due to being hurt in the past) -- i believe in a positive future in every single one of our messed up lives.
Don't we all, as people who have gone through hell and back have a chance at this "happiness" everyone keeps talking about?

The real question is how do we get there? With the idea or self pre-caution that everyone you get too close to might be a fire that'll burn you...will you ever gain that happy state?  I highly doubt it. But being challenged with the idea of a "good christian" and then learning how to keep that status quo is not always easy. I wanted to be kind to everyone, but also not get taken advantage of! However, these past few months, i realized..that wasn't the real issue i should be focusing on.

I want the happy ending. I want to invest all i can in every relationship, risk being hurt, and get the most out of life. To treat others the way i'd want to be treated. To live a life worth telling others about..To be willing, intentional, spontaneous, and courageous. To be scared. To be nervous. But to never back out just because i'm scared of a little burn.

Whether or not your relationships are helping you isn't the issue. I've seen way too many people miss out on amazing opportunities, friendships, bromances, or even potential relationships because they were scared. Scared of that rejection or just had an unwillingness to try. Yes, there has to be some discernment in what relationships to partake in and i'd hope you're smart enough to know that much. BUT. Know this: without risking the chance of getting hurt in a relationship, you won't have people to enjoy the amazing life moments with. To make unforgettable memories-- to be challenged and to always becoming a better version of yourself.

As corny and over used this phrase is, "Carpe Diem" or "YOLO" it folks. If a year from now, you'll still care about what you're worried about today..then fine. Keep letting it worry your brain away. HOWEVER! If it won't, drop it. Today is filled with 24 hours. This very hour, or maybe the next- you can start fresh and start anew.

And...with that, i'd love to encourage whoever reading this. Yes, we may at first retract at any slight chance of getting hurt. Whether it is in relationships (most of the time it is) or in anything in your life, don't be scared. Be scared of the "what if" you'll be asking yourself down the road. Don't be reckless, but don't hold yourself back. We live and we learn, and the memories you make down the road will worth it.

Do everything and anything you want to today. And do it with no regrets. But most importantly...
do everything in love.



xx