Unwanted Grace

Life these days have simply been consisting of just days, weeks, months, and sooner or later, years.
There hasn't been a stop button to realize all the things thats happened, how it affected me, and how it affected everyone around me. And don't even get me started with how God was just lost within all the chaos life has brought me.

Days past, and what seems like hours, turns into months. It's been months, i would even say maybe a year or more since i've stopped to really acknowledge God, and give Him the proper time of day.
I think its a struggle we all go through...

We say a simple prayer when we need Him most, and maybe we thank Him when He does help us out. Rarely we really take the time to talk to Him. To really hang out with Him.

I've been trying really hard to take baby steps into stepping back into faith. It's so hard and i'm not sure how long it'll take to become the women of God i  had hoped to be when i first was "born again."
To have so many expectations for yourself, for God, from God...it all just becomes too hard, and i give up.
But i'm hoping this slow progress will get me to where i need to be. It's been a really tough past year or so, and i think back to God and how i survived...and it really is grace. To be exact, unwanted grace.

When life gets tough, or even when you decide to go deep into the world and what it offers, we forget that all we need to do is crawl out of it. But we feel dirty, unclean, and unwanted as it is. We forget that grace is right in front of us.

When i disobeyed Him. When i turned against Him. When i put up a brick wall toward Him. When i gave Him the cold shoulder. When i ignored Him. When i insulted Him. When i denied His love.
---- At the end of the road, He simply gave me grace.

Thinking back to all that, really just brings me to tears. How foolish i was, how ignorant, stupid, and really any word revolving that action. And how i got to the place i'm at now?? It's amazing really.
I have so much more to go, so many more obstacles to face.

But i know that with God's grace, i can do all things.
The real hard part is actually stepping out, and grabbing the hand that's been there all along.

"I Survived"

2015 was probably one of the toughest years of my life.

Being prone to keeping everything to myself, exerting out more than i was able to handle, and giving more than i was being given ... brought me to a place of loneliness (far too many times), anxiety, uncertainty, distrust, and more. There were many times where i hated everyone, and even myself for getting into situations that i knew weren't "me" and wanted to get out. It was even worse when i realized that all i had in the end was myself, and of course God.

My last post was about me realizing that God is still faithful through it all - and He most definitely is. Most of this year was filled with a lot of distress, self-hate, and contemplating life itself. However, with the grace -- i emphasize grace, of God...i survived. He gave me the right people, and right circumstances to push myself everyday, and to get to the semi-okay place that i am today.

That semi-okay place got me a new job, and a new best friend. I never knew I could find this, so called "love" that everyone talked about and boasted about on social media. And to selfishly find it, in the time I was most undeserving... Just shows how amazing He really is. And for being by my side through my toughest, most vulnerable time, I'm forever grateful.

I'm hopeful that 2016 will be filled with the growth of my mistakes, and more positivity. I'm so certain that God will be with me, every step of the way, just like He always has. Even when i'm straying, or am doubting Him, i know that He is faithful. So in this coming year, i hope to be more faithful back.

With that, i have a few "resolutions" that i'm hopeful to fulfill this fresh, new year!

1. Lean on Him.

2. Thank Him, even when times are rough. And especially when times are great.

3. Laugh more, and think positively about every situation.

4. Use your time wisely- especially investing in the relationships with people that count.

5. Travel as much as you can.

6. Never say no to an open opportunity. Always be looking forward!

7. Tithe.

8. Be intentional (you missed that memo in 2015)
9. Don't worry about what people think.
10. Love hard.

Love Goes On

"We found love that never runs dry

From the depths

To the sky

Eyes fixed on the one who knows no end

You stand strong for all the time

In the joy, In the trial

You are the Beginning and the End."

This song is from Hillsong Y&F's first album, which i fell in love with when it came out. I came across this song again tonight after an incredible time with one of my dearest friends, and it all rushed back to me. We were just having one of those real talks about life, struggles, etc. But the conclusion we came to is to keep fighting, stay thankful, and just trust.

His Love goes on. Its that simple. He IS the Beginning and the End, and despite anything life throws at you, He's there through it all. Its such a hard thing to remember when the bad comes and consumes you, or when the good comes, and distracts you from being thankful. However, its moments like these...moments of clarity, that we have to really hold onto. To hold onto the joy and beauty in it all. The greatness that comes with walking with Him.

--

Its definitely been a rough few months, i would even say a rough year. I personally haven't been spiritually fed properly or even had any conviction or motivation to do so. But thankfully, my amazing year last year has been (barely) holding me together. I still thank God daily for His goodness and grace, but i'm definitely not at a place where i was. (But then again, we never want to go "back" to a time when we were "good" with God-- we want to always look forward and realize that we've grown and it'll always be different, and always better.)

Through it all though, it really does come down to nights like tonight, where you take a step back and realize that He is just too good to avoid. Once you are blessed enough to really have the time to build the foundation and trust in the relationship between you and God, it will hold you together like glue.

I am and will always be thankful for the best year of my life so far, aka 2014. It was my year to understand His grace and to learn to be patient and thankful through trials. 

Just because 2015 hasn't been the greatest year does not mean i am defeated. Friends who know me, and have seen me...has described me as someone who is just swimming, going with the flow. But this flow hasn't been going upstream. It has going down fast into a sewer (LOL). And i really am/was. I thank one of my sistas in Christ for letting me realize this a few weeks ago, and now i'm finally trying to slowly crawl my way upstream. I think i've just been avoiding realizing that everything isn't OKAY because sometimes we don't want to think about our problems. We want to cover everything up and pretend everything is A-Okay! And that we don't need anyones help, guidance, or support.

But that then leads to present day Sarah Kim -- a confused, strayed, lost, helpless girl. Who's sole support came from the distraction of work, failed relationships, and anything else that didn't lead me to depending on God.

Fast forward to me finally realizing and thinking about my issues, i'm hoping to do something about it. Its going to be a long long struggle and process, but i guess i'm ready. (?!) I know whats right and i know that i have to lean on God -- especially after nights like tonight where i'm taken back to the place where i first understood -- where i first realized that God IS the beginning and end. Alpha Omega, literally the one consistent in my life. So what else can we do right? He is literally our rock, our anchor. Through the tough times, His love carries us through this life we have to live here on this earth! 

That also leads me to remind myself that this life here is so temporary. 90 years on this planet is a second compared to the eternity we have to spend with Him afterwards. So...while i'm here on this earth, i need to stop wasting my life with useless things that only give me temporary happiness!! Or at least slowly try to. Because what is life, where is the meaning, when you're only living for yourself and/or any idols. (Anything you love more or spend more time thinking about is definitely an idol) Especially when you have an incredible, awesome God you serve...who is and always will be on your side.

His love seriously goes on and is too good to pass up. 

I hope you guys get somewhat encouraged by this random post after several months of hiatus. I really hope and pray i can continue to trust in Him and lead in His ways...not the worlds....#accountabilitypartnerswhereyouat #helpasistaout

Also feel free to reach out to me to chat or ask for any prayer requests. Community is all we got when it comes to helping with the struggle of fighting this good fight. The enemy is strong, but we serve an even stronger God! Who gives us people to lean on and to keep going. Although life can get crappy, and we all have our own share of burdens, we're also meant to carry each others...so burden on guys! 

xx

How Can It Be?

You plead my cause, you right my wrongs

You break my chains, You overcome

You gave Your life, to give me mine

You say that I am free

How can it be? How can it be?

Isn't that a question we should be waking up with... How can it be? How is it that God....Lord...SOVEREIGN over everything..loves us? forgives us? is there for us?

His grace just continues to overwhelm me. It simply isn't something that we can understand or even begin to comprehend. It just is.

Now, He has done so many good things for me that i don't deserve..i don't know where to begin. But, let's talk about that amazing grace He decided to just drown me in today--

Today was a very nerve-wracking day for me..I've been dreading it since last year. I had to go to court from a time last summer that a leonia cop scanned my parked car, and realized that the owner (me) had their license suspended. My license was suspended because NJ thought i didn't have insurance. But i did! my car was registered in NJ, but had IL insurance.. (i know, i'm an idiot) -- My insurance company had told me to change it to IL since i was in school majority of the year..but failed to tell me to change my plates/registration to IL (duh sarah). 

Well, thanks to my good friend, she helped drive me to the MVC, restore my license, and to go along driving merrily. I still had a ticket in my hand and a court date waiting for me. I had pushed the court date two or three times because i looked up the penalties and fines that come along from driving while suspended....Lets just say i needed a minimum of $500 and could even go to jail if found guilty!! (I was ready to spend a night in jail today...)

So as my superhero mother and i go into the Leonia courtroom today around 5:45 PM...i found myself just praying. Hmm- why is it that we pray and plead to Him desperately in times of trouble? I mean, i prayed a few days in advance and i always pray! But dude, this was a desperate cry to Him- i was really tryna feel Jesus in that court room (LOL)

Anywhooo, so for people that have never been to court (good for you, i've been in court 4 times now), you go up to the prosecutor and he determines your fine/penalty.. Then you get called by name to the judge, and he determines the final call. Around 7:15 i finally have my name called my the prosecutor...i'm nervous as can be, ready to hear that i'm going to have to drop at least $500 and possibly get my license suspended again.

But hey hey hey! GOD IS GOOD MY FRIENDS - He tells me that instead, he'll drop it to $54 instead of the huge 5 hundo because i reinstated my license the same day i got the ticket (thank you Sophia.) -- WOO i was smiling ear to ear folks! I went back to my seat and told my mom, and we were so relieved. Thanking God and errthang. Telling her that we're celebrating with 빵~

So then the judge finally called my name. Confidently, i went up, getting ready to just say "Yes your Honor" and "Guilty" -- It went really fast that i don't even remember the questions he asked specifically...but ultimately, it lead me to say "I work at anthropologie....its a retail store! Yes your honor...Yes...Okay..Really? Thank you!" 

He found me NOT GUILTY!!!!!!!!!!!!! guys...i don't think you understand but this is the real deal, miracle, God is totally in the room with me, totally in the judge's heart, TOTALLY DROWNING ME IN GRACE!

So then i walk over to the paying line, thinking okay well i have a court fee to pay at least right? HA! Nah yo, God doesn't work that way. When He works, He gives it His all. As my mom and I stand on line, the judge says, "Hey! I found you not guilty..go home!" LOL - i literally responded with "wait..i don't pay anything?!" He then proceeded to tell my mom and I to have a good dinner together.

If that isn't grace folks, i don't know what is. 

I found myself singing this song on my way home....even explaining my mom the lyrics, and talking about how wonderful He really is.

Romans 11:6 (ESV) goes to say "But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise, grace would not be grace."
Grace would not be grace. -- Take a moment to think about that. If all the wonderful things that just miraculously happen to us, was because we are all model citizens, and the best christians...then it would not be grace. It would just be works and rewards. And trust me when i say this, I am not a good person. I am a sinner, and i definitely do not deserve half the things He graces me with.

Friends,
God rights our wrongs... He overcomes... He gives us life... and He sets us free.
I think a lot of times we forget it. Even for me! I knew He'd protect me, but i decided before going in that if it was going to be a fine and punishment, that i'd handle it. That i deserved it since i was stupid, careless, and didn't follow the law. Ha! If only grace worked like that...well, it wouldn't be grace right? ;) -- To be good, to do bad, to do anything really...doesn't reflect what God gives us. He ultimately wants to see us happy, see us loved, and bring us everything we want in this life. And in return, He just wants the love back. He just wants us to acknowledge that there isn't a why, how, or if when it comes to His love and grace. All we gotta do is just know that He already loves, He already wants to give, and we just need to say know it, and believe it.

I just really wanted to share this with you guys...i know i haven't been blogging too much, but i hope this encourages you guys! He seriously is so great, and working even when we least deserve it. He always has our back...so much that we laugh at ourselves for worrying. THAT is the God we believe, love, and hope in. :)


always do everything in His love,
SK

The Wait

It doesn't take someone who knows me to the core, to know that i'm dying to leave home already.
I proclaim it loud and proud that i'm getting out of jersey as soon as i get the "Go." As soon as God finally tells me that my time home is finished-- that i've completed my time here (jeez, it sounds like i'm stuck in prison), i'm on a one way flight to Chicago or LA. *my heart is torn.

So as i'm currently in the wait, i literally don't know what to do sometimes....
Does anyone else feel that way?
Where you absolutely know and trust that He is Sovereign..that He'll point you toward greatness once the time comes?...but still, you just have this restless mind and impatient heart..?

What do you do then?????
I honestly don't know. I feel empty and useless..
I'm not doing anything that is helping anyone, literally just concentrating on myself during this time...and i hate it. I feel like a vegetable..just sitting on a kid's plate..being ignored.


BUT- As i acknowledged that i need only to be still during this time - to just seek after HIM... i started to get excited. Excited for the future...excited for all the amazing things He is just waiting to pour into my life. He's BEEN waiting with one hand out, just waiting for mine to reach out. With the confidence that God is by my side, i'm filled, and overwhelmed with dreams and possibilities!!!

I think that's whats amazing about being young- still growing, making mistakes, taking risks, and just trusting God to redirect you if you fail (lol). You really don't have much to lose, and you are more willing to go out of your comfort zone (especially if you're single)

And with that said, i cannot wait to finally get the "GO" and to move to a new place, to explore more of this beautiful earth God let us live in, to meet the amazing brothers and sisters i have wherever i may go, and to just sit in His grace, His goodness, His love.... EEEEP - the future is bright you guys!! just gotta believe... ;)




always do everything in His love, xx

It Is Well

While christmas shopping, i went inside Francesca's since i usually find small goodies there. I came across this cute little frame/board thingy and saw it read "It is well with my soul" -- it isn't even a "christian" store so i thought it was so strange! But i absolutely loved the calligraphy on it so i had to get it. My first thought was, hmmmm..who can i get it for ? I thought of several of you girlies when i bought it..but then for some reason, my selfish desire told myself that it'd look great on my wall. LOL

(This isn't the hymm-  bethel's version..but it's still great)

"Through it all, through it all

My eyes are on You

Through it all, through it all

It is well

So let go my  

soul and trust in Him

The waves and wind still know His name"

"It is well with my soul." What does that even mean?

I personally love all versions. The original hymm, Bethel's and Hillsong's-- I sing it all the time and am so touched by the lyrics! But i decided that i don't really know what i'm saying. So..i decided to look up it's story and share it with you guys. It's actually a beautiful testament of how deep our faith can go...and a profound example of a man of God.

(All credit goes to the awesome Wikipedia)

Horatio Spafford was a wealthy chicago lawyer, with a wife, 4 daughters and 1 son. They were what seemed to be a great family, and even abundant in finances and happiness. Their first tragedy hit when their only son died of Scarlet Fever in 1870.  Then the famous "Great Chicago Fire" in 1871 destroyed all his real estate- going into financial turmoil. He was a lawyer though so his assets weren't all just in real estate! However..in 1873, the economic crisis hit him hard. His family planned a vacation to Europe around that time but still wanted to go. With a late change of plans, Horatio sent his wife and 4 daughters first, while dealing with unfinished business at home. Just when we thought he's already had enough sorrow and troubles...the ship that his family was on hit a sea vessel, causing it to sink while crossing the Atlantic. Thankfully, his wife survived...but his FOUR daughters weren't so lucky :'( 

Now. When we take a look at those 3 HUGE tragic events...i'm thinking..how in the world does "It is well with my soul" come out of his lips. How do you have peace? 

I think as society influences us, we tend to put all the blame on God. When bad things happen, we blame Him. When good things happen, we either have the decency to give Him some of the glory..or our selfish nature takes over and gloats on our own ability, thinking WE own the credit.

I guess that's what Horatio did-- He gave God the glory. Yes, he was in so much sorrow and grief..but on the boat ride over to Europe to unite with his grieving wife...something must have clicked. God must have been with Him.

And that's the amazing, powerful thing about the Spirit. He's ALWAYS with us. And that ...is how his soul is indeed..so so well.

"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him. 

He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; i shall not be shaken.

On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God."

Psalm 62: 5-6 (ESV)

Oh my soul- wait in silence. Our hope, our salvation, our everything is in Him. He is our rock and refuge. So with that, our soul is well. When we come to the faith, the understanding, the TRUTH- that He is all we need, then we simply are well.

I want to be at a place..I want alllll of us to be at a place, where we can say that everything is well. That our souls are so well. Not because we're doing well in a worldly sense. But because our hope lies in God. It doesn't lie in financial security or relationships..it lies in God alone.

---------

Anyways, happy new year beautiful people! Sorry for the super delayed blog. I've been meaning to blog more...i have so many drafts laid out! haha. I will post more often.. i hope.. :D 

I was inspired and wanted to quickly blog this..as i have work in 6 1/2 hours hehe.

And while i'm at it, i hate doing new years resolutions..but here are some i wanted to share! Hopefully this will keep me accountable.

1. Be completely lost and in God's love and glory. 

2. Learn to accept love from people.

3. Don't let fear of rejection/pain get in the way of my own happiness.

4. Boundaries.

5. Say YES to any great opportunity. 

6. Make healthier choices & join a gym/Workout plan

7. Travel as much as i can.

8. Business plans with Kelly & Jen. (Look forward to cool things my friends)

9. Become financially independent.

Hope you all thought of yours (it's not too late!) and have a soulmate or someone to share it with! And to be accountable for ;) Again, promise i'll blog more for those who actually read this...Does anyone read this anymore? hehe..

Alright, sleep is calling and begging for me. Love you all! Hope you all have a victorious, great week. Stay warm, stay golden. And always, do everything in love.

xx

I'll miss you 2014.

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You will call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior"

I rang in 2014 with this song in my heart. The idea of stepping out of faith, literally without borders was a foreign concept to me before 2014. 

To recap this past year:

- Move to Illinois

- Study Ministry for a semester

- Urban Missions to LA

- Get a job

- Birthday in California

- Come back home

- Get promoted TWICE within a matter of months

--- And to cap everything off, i met the most amazing people throughout all these events. At Calvary, Trinity, and work place...I've met such genuine, loving people-- whom ALL God placed in my life for specific reasons.

While this all seems like a grand scheme of my restlessness and maybe even a symptom of being a confused girl in her 20s-- Don't confuse yourself. They were all just near glimpses of what God has in store for me. It's amazing to think that this is just the beginning of all the blessings He has in store for me. And it all just started out with faith. Faith that has no borders, faith that made me have complete trust in Him...to just answer His call.

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,

whose trust is the Lord.

He is like a tree planted by water,

that sends out its roots by the steam,

and does not fear when heat comes,

for its leaves remain green,

and is not anxious in the year of drought,

for it does not cease to bear fruit."

Jeremiah 17: 7-8

BLESSED is the man who trusts in the Lord. DOES NOT FEAR when heat comes. IS NOT ANXIOUS in the year of drought. As some of you know, i've had my huge UPS! andddd a lot of downs. This year as a whole was filled with endless blessings, reminders, and challenges. Although i admit there were a few instances where i literally had no idea what i was doing...i never stopped believing and trusting God. Throughout my confusion, the one thing that kept me rooted was that FACT that God has a plan for me. Whatever good, whatever bad, comes my way...He is with me.

2014..i'll miss you dearly. You were so good to me, and so good to all those around me. You're definitely one for the books, one that i'll think of the rest of my life. One that i'll always go back to, when i need a reminder of His love and grace.

SOOOO to ring in the new fabulous 2 0 1 5 -- what better way than to ring it in with this song and bible verse once again. Romans 8 has also been a huge part of my devotion to God this year as...all about that perseverance!! And with that, 2015... i'm ready for you. Whatever challenges you have coming my way..whatever great blessings you have in stored for me, i'm ready.

Happy happy new year everyone! Praying, hoping, and wishing you all a fruitful, joyful, loving year! I'm so utterly grateful for everyone who stuck out 2014 with me..And I hope you all can trust in God, just as i did-- maybe even more :D I know it's easier said than done..but once it's done---man oh man, you are in for a rollar coaster of blessings! Whether its moving to a new state, or just coming out your comfort zone just a whee bit. He is with you. Trusttttttt~

Much love, much hope-- 

xx

Emotional Inventory

As i sat through a sermon this past Sunday, i was reminded how significant my consistent blogging this past year has been(except the recent months).

Emotional Inventory is what the Pastor called it. He emphasized how important an emotional inventory is ...DAILY. Not just once a month, or even just once a year. But a daily habit we must take on.

Whether it's writing your emotions/feelings down in a blog, journal, to a friend, etc -- have an outlet of communication. Only then are you able to acknowledge and come to terms to how you really feel.
Majority of the time, we're stuck avoiding what we're really feeling due to how "busy" we get after a situation occurs -- not allowing time to feel.

Don't let it get to a stage where you end up...let's say, running away to another state to avoid your problems/feelings all together ...heh. (yes, i'm talking about myself.) -- and that's a post for another day.
But it really does build up. Work, friends, family, and so many days past by being too "busy." that one day you become confused to how you really feel, as opposed to what your actions or even heart may have intended.

Emotional Inventory: Take a few minutes a day..of silence, or with some nice background music of your choice. Let yourself comprehend what's been happening in life, and allow yourself to let the emotions hit. F e e l what you want to, S a y what you want to - communicate it verbally, or tucked into a journal. That way, you at least can say you're emotionally healthy, and aware of how you're feeling and what you should do with those feelings (in the most logical, rational, healthy way).

My best form of emotional inventory? Talking to God in the shower, drives to/from work, etc. Anytime i have alone time, i try to always fill the space with music or some distraction. But these days, i've been trying my best to just talk to Him-- trust me, it helps ;)


And on another note, 2014 is come to a near end. I've said this the past 2 times i've blogged sporadically, but i hope to write soon my friends. Hope you all are so so good and well.

xx

Retract

When we feel a burning sensation from heat or fire, we immediately retract. We want to quickly get our skin away from that pain-- that future burn.
Is that what happens in terms of relationships?
Once we feel an oncoming rejection...or a feel a slight chance of getting hurt...we retract.
(that may have been a bad analogy because no one likes getting physically burned..but ya feel me right?)

I personally feel myself doing this the second i sense i'm putting more effort into a relationship. The second i come to a realization that i'm the "better" friend or see that they don't put even half as much effort in as i do...I draw away from the relationship.

Granted that everyone with these steel walls has every reason to put them up (due to being hurt in the past) -- i believe in a positive future in every single one of our messed up lives.
Don't we all, as people who have gone through hell and back have a chance at this "happiness" everyone keeps talking about?

The real question is how do we get there? With the idea or self pre-caution that everyone you get too close to might be a fire that'll burn you...will you ever gain that happy state?  I highly doubt it. But being challenged with the idea of a "good christian" and then learning how to keep that status quo is not always easy. I wanted to be kind to everyone, but also not get taken advantage of! However, these past few months, i realized..that wasn't the real issue i should be focusing on.

I want the happy ending. I want to invest all i can in every relationship, risk being hurt, and get the most out of life. To treat others the way i'd want to be treated. To live a life worth telling others about..To be willing, intentional, spontaneous, and courageous. To be scared. To be nervous. But to never back out just because i'm scared of a little burn.

Whether or not your relationships are helping you isn't the issue. I've seen way too many people miss out on amazing opportunities, friendships, bromances, or even potential relationships because they were scared. Scared of that rejection or just had an unwillingness to try. Yes, there has to be some discernment in what relationships to partake in and i'd hope you're smart enough to know that much. BUT. Know this: without risking the chance of getting hurt in a relationship, you won't have people to enjoy the amazing life moments with. To make unforgettable memories-- to be challenged and to always becoming a better version of yourself.

As corny and over used this phrase is, "Carpe Diem" or "YOLO" it folks. If a year from now, you'll still care about what you're worried about today..then fine. Keep letting it worry your brain away. HOWEVER! If it won't, drop it. Today is filled with 24 hours. This very hour, or maybe the next- you can start fresh and start anew.

And...with that, i'd love to encourage whoever reading this. Yes, we may at first retract at any slight chance of getting hurt. Whether it is in relationships (most of the time it is) or in anything in your life, don't be scared. Be scared of the "what if" you'll be asking yourself down the road. Don't be reckless, but don't hold yourself back. We live and we learn, and the memories you make down the road will worth it.

Do everything and anything you want to today. And do it with no regrets. But most importantly...
do everything in love.



xx

I am Yours, and You are mine

As i was reading a woman devo/encouragement, the writer said something that just gave me so many feels:

"Yours already knows where you are and what you've been through, and it brings Him joy to care for you."

like........ .... .. . what? I literally bawled. LOL - we are HIS. He is ours. And He knows all..and wants only to care for you, guide you, and love you.

I think we forget that we're being guided in this life by Him, and that we belong solely to Him. So as the Shepherd and Sheep analogy goes...we, being the sheep, sometimes wander. We wander without even realizing sometimes! Because we get distracted by the temptations of the world we're forced to live in temporarily..and sometimes we lose our way so far in, that we don't know how to get back.

However, i'm a firm firm believer that our Shepherd, whether He is always behind us making sure we don't stumble and hurt ourselves too much..or is actually in front of us as we follow Him unconsciously...we are always in His good hands.

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, i will never be shaken." Psalm 62: 1-2

He's our rock, our fortress, and we will never be shaken. Okay, we might be because sin and the world sucks sometimes..but we'll never fall. We'll never let go of His hands, even if we tried. Because we BELONGGGGG to Him!!! Legit. like...i don't really know how else to explain it. But we belong to Him, and because of that, He'll never let us go, and He'll never let us wander for too long and too far. 

I think it's just always important to know that we WILL wander. We live in a world filled with temptations left and right, He knows us well enough that we will. So He understands..and will still take you with eager, open, and excited arms. We just need to know when it's time to finally say, "alright God..i'm sorry for wandering..but i'm back! But it's been a while so can you help me?"

lmao..okay maybe that's my own version, but that's how it usually goes. And i probably wander more often than i should, but thank GOD we have a gracious, loving God...eep!

anddd with that-- I trust that i am in good hands for my return home. I know that He wants me home during this season in my life, and we'll see where He takes me! And i will wander again, and might get distracted many many times...but i hope my awesome community of brothers and sisters will whoop my butt and shove me back into place! #thataccountabilitydoe

to everyone back home, i'm stoked and excited for this new chapter. i hope you all are as well..! i promise to be kind and happy happy happyyyyyy :D hehe okay hope everyone has a victorious week! it's hump day, but that just means its closer to friday than yesterday. 

#keepfightingthegoodfight

xx

"See you later"

The past 8 months have been .. nothing but ordinary.
I packed up my life into my cute lil civic, and moved 800 miles away from home, and decided to start a new one. I made amazing friends, learned and grew so much, and learned to love this lil place i began to call home.

However, as i shared with very few of you, i am moving back home..to jersey. (sad)
It was a super tough decision to make, but due to circumstances and personal things happening, i decided it was best to finally give up my stubborn act of "i'm never moving back home!!"

And I'm so blessed with awesome friends who guided me and talked me through these crazy decisions (thank you ladies) and who sat with me for hours as i ranted about my life and what my insane self is thinking. I'm blessed with the notion to know exactly when i have to make a decision and to be completely at peace with it once its made. And i'm so blessed to have God right by my side, letting me know..that everything is going to be okay.

But as i said, the past 8 months here in the beautiful (cold) chicago burbs have been unexplainable. Although i'm leaving...with things left unfinished and unsaid, and hopes of wanting to do more for people, it's been so surreal and a huge part of becoming who God wants me to be.

To everyone i met at calvary, trinity, and just people i met here and there..you guys rock. I have to admit, you all are probably the best people i've encountered in my short 21 years of living. I don't regret coming here, because i know there is no "coincidence" with God. I know i was meant to meet you, and i was meant to invest into our relationships together. I learned so much about people, myself, and the goodness of His grace through you guys..and i'm forever thankful.

Seriously, SO much love to everyone i met from Calvary..you all have been an indescribable blessing to me. Coming into a new state with no friends except knowing my brother was tough..but you guys made every sunday worth it. You guys made every week and month go by, knowing that i'll soon be able to call you guys my friends. I'll miss all the laughs, jokes, talks, advice, and good eats with each of you. It's honestly been a heck of a ride and i'll keep you guys in my prayers always~

:( i'm actually really really sad to leave. So please, if i haven't told you already, reach out to me..i just didn't want to make it a big deal! I hope that we can talk and play before i leave next week (eep)


This is definitely not goodbye, but a simple "See you later" -- until the next chapter of sarah's crazy life. i'll be back to visit, or maybe even to come back to live. we'll see what God has in store for me.
but really... thanks for making me fall in love with the chicago burbs, and giving the best hospitality. midwest people, are truly amazing.

so much love and thoughts... xx

Peace

Peace: freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility.

(defined from google.com)

Free from disturbance; quiet...and tranquility. That's all my heart wanted, and i finally got it.

I think sometimes, when our hearts are burdened and we feel suffocated, we need to make tough decisions. What will it take to relieve that stress and burden on our hearts? Do we already know what to do..? What will we lose? What will it take...

The past few months have been filled with life decisions i've made, and the past few years have been filled with many ups and downs. Nonetheless, i think all those decisions needed to take place in order to get me exactly where i am today. I don't regret anything i've done nor do i regret any horrible circumstance or amazing circumstance i was put in. I am a firm believer in the idea and notion that "everything happens for a reason."

Whether it was made to allow me to learn from a mistake, or to further my journey into this thing called "life," it ultimately helped me someway or another....into the "peace" i needed at this very moment. 

I also recently came across this quote, which then became my caption for my current prof pic:

"Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy."

And i just love that. To respect yourself..to respect your own happiness. I think that once you make that decision to walk away from something that isn't right for you, even if it means you may have failed.. theres a moment of peace...a moment you recognize where.."everything is going to be okay." -- because up until that very moment where you decided what's ultimately best for you, your heart was frantic..your head was spinning, and you really didn't know if everything was going to be okay.

But the second you crossed that line, to make that stern decision (whatever that may be) -- there was peace. That burden was lifted. that headache, gone. that surrounding noise that's been spinning around your head? silent.

And to be quite honest, i don't think all of this happens unless you love and respect yourself enough to give yourself that. To give yourself a chance to make mistakes, but also to come closer to happiness. To come closer to the life that God ultimately planned for you. Because really, there is no wrong decision in this life...we all make bad choices eventually. But thankfully, we've got a God who makes even the worst situations...all part of His grand ole' plan.

And that's the thing about p e a c e. it doesn't mean that everything is okay..but i think it's a gift God gives us. The idea that even if it's not okay, you're one step towards the happiness we're all striving for. And that momentary peace that comes before another series of chaotic events....is all the more meaningful when it comes again. 

S N A P B A C K

s n a p   b a c k

it's just one of those days, one of those weeks
where nothing seems to be quite "right."

I think we tend to get into this depressed mood or an unsatisfied state of mind where we spend too much time thinking about what "could" be and what "should" be. We dream of a different life, we fantasize about how things can be better if we could just have this, do that, or be it.

maybe we just need to stop for a second --
to breathe. in and out. in and out.
just be still in this moment of clarity -- the clarity that reminds you that you're O K.
more than okay actually. you've survived worst times, you're actually doing quite well.

so all you need to do is s n a p b a c k into the reality that we live in.
To be okay with what is going on, and to continue to strive and persevere.

And to strive and persevere in my own personal life: to keep fighting this good good fight.
the fight we were all destined to go through -- living in this world while we're not of this world.

like i've said in previous posts, it's not always easy. God never promised it'd be a cake walk -- then we'd all be happy and fat. but its a tough one --
Oh but that joy...that lies ahead is ALL we need to keep striving. even i have moments of doubt, worry, and straight up ignorance that lasts weeks and i just have no idea anymore.

But to be quite honest, there is not a day that goes by, where i don't think about what i'm truly called to do, and what i desire the most: to love God and love people. it's as simple as that.
that is what keeps me going.

so heres the belated belated promised post: to s n a p back. snapback, and keep fighting.



xx

Week 17-24 Update//Discpline

I have failed as a blogger. Sorry for the 7 week hiatus!

But i promise i'll write more. PROMISE.

Anyways, i had finals and then i went home for a bit so i hope you excuse the huge gap in my blog.

I hope you all have been goood~ it was good to go back home and have people already know what's been up thanks to this blog :) so for those who still follow it and read, thank you and i hope i don't bore ya to death :)

To quickly refresh you guys.. not that y'all care, but whateves heh

I moved into an off-campus place! Seriously, thank GOD. It was so last minute..4 days before I had planned to come back to illinois, i had my brother and rebecka look at a place i found through craigslist. I am seriously in God's favor because the family ended up being korean, the rent is super affordable, and it's in a great neighborhood.  Awesome.

I've been working more at Anthro...not as much as i'd wish because i'm use to 32-40 hour/week at Uniqlo..but hopefully i can pick up more hours! And the pay isn't great either so i've been struggling with that... However, i'm hoping to keep working hard to get a raise/promotion in a few months! I'm confident God wanted me at Anthro right now so i'm holding onto the hope that it'll suffice financially..for now. And i've been babysitting once a week so that's been my spark of joy midweek :D 

As for school, finished the semester...not sooo strong ..could have done better :/ ..but nonetheless, done with my first semester at Trinity! And it was a great one, to say the least. It seriously feels like just yesterday, i was packing my things into my lil tiny car, making my way to a new place, stepping out into the unknown....where God asked me to go.

Actually, rather than going more in depth about my superficial updates..i want to update my spiritual life. It's been half a year now, 6 months now, since i came here...and it's been a great journey. I grew so much spiritually, emotionally, mentally...and definitely learned a lot about myself. But for those who know me, i've always been known to be completely honest and blunt, so to be honest, at the moment...my spiritual life is definitely not the best.

I think after Easter, it's been a struggle. After being SO good, it's come to the point where i really need to focus on the discipline. I mean, i tell myself everyday that i need to pray more, read the bible more, love more, act kindly..more...LOL and all that jazz. It's gotten harder without the prayer and without the bible reading. So today was actually the first day in a while that i sat down and just read the word, reflected, worshipped, etc. And it was great. I always seem to want that daily, yet become so lazy that i put it off..that it becomes weeks until i do it again.

So i guess i'm just missing that set discipline needed. Because, as i've said many times earlier..our relationship with God, cannot be based on pure emotion. That fire, that emotional high you get after a retreat, revival, mission trip, etc...cannot be held onto. Our salvation cannot be based on how we "feel" at the moment!! Ahhg. I tell myself that all the time, yet fall into it eventually.

I think i tell myself everyday, "DISCIPLINE SARAH! Just open up the bible. Just spend some quiet time. DOOO ITTTTT" ...bahaha

Because..trust me, i don't always "feel" God. There are times i just want to just go crazy and live in this world. However, i am way too quick to deny that. I know it never fulfills me the way God does. So how can i discpline myself..to keep fighting this good fight. To not let the enemy take over my mind and allow myself to ignore my relationship with Him..

Again, to be completely honest, i don't know. But what i do know, is that God is by my side no matter what. That no matter what, He will never forsake me. He knows my heart and knows that i desire for Him..but He also knows that i live in this world, surrounded by distractions and temptations. Does that make it right for me to ignore Him..not at all. But, He is the gracious God we know, and i just need to trust that He'll always be there when i come back. And i do always come back! 

And if you've been reading my blog since day 1, i decided to follow Jesus. I decided to step out into the unknown, trust Him completely, and to surrender it all. That has not changed. I still have my full trust in Him, and Him only. I just get distracted time to time, but at the end of each day, i know whom i belong to. I know that i want to live for Him with the fullest, and with everything. 

So to offer up some sort of encouragement after that depressing update, which really isn't depressing at all...When fighting this fight, there will be times of hardship, questioning, dryness, and much more. But we knew that right?! Just keep fighting. It's been tough for me, especially not always being encouraged...but remember why you're here. Remember HOW you are there. Remember what God has provided for you and has done for you. And don't ever forget that He hasn't failed you yet- nor is He going to start now. And that's why i believe community is the most important. They're there to encourage you, and to let you not forget. I'm grateful and forever blessed with those God provided me with. To see others continue this race towards Christ..it encourages me more than y'all know.

So please. Continue to fight the good fight. Continue to seek the Lord. Continue to fight for your eternal life. I'll be running with you guys :)

For any prayer requests, rants, chats, feel free to msg me. I'm always up for a great God convo.

xx

Do Everything In Love, Always~

SK

Road less taken

So since my last update was superduper depressing, i thought i'd give some encouragement...

So God never told me it'd be easy. He didn't promise me a happy jolly life filled with magical shiny things. He didn't say i'll be filled with complete satisfaction every second but he also didn't say that i was going to be alone. It's the road less taken.

He DID promise me that He'll take care of me. That as long as i trust Him, i will be okay.
So yes, i'll have a day or two (or more) where i'm super sad, discouraged, and even angry at this world/people...but i always somehow am taken back to the cross.

That God gave it all FOR US and that because we live in this fallen state, we are going to have troubles, seasons of dryness, and just straight up struggles. But while all that happens, our God, our Father, our amazing Savior...is watching over us. Planning the next move, making sure that we are being taken care of. Why? Because He LOVES us. ^^

Makes me super happy thinking about how great our God is, and how no matter what i have, what i don't have, how sad or how happy i am...He's right there cheering me on, picking me up, and just watching out for me.
And that is the same for each of you guys reading this as well.

Trust me, it isn't easy. But life is a heck of a lot better with God on your side, loving you, drowning you in His grace. It truly has been an amazing past few months and i only hope to grow deeper.

Hope you guys are doing well and still fighting this amazing fight. Fight with me, let's pray, let's grow deeper, and just love like He loves. xx




Do Everything In Love, Always~
SK

MISUNDERSTOOD

Misunderstood, or to misunderstand according to dictionary.com means to fail to interpret or understand words or actions of someone correctly.

Why do i feel like i'm always the one TRYING so hard to understand where people are coming from and trying so damn hard to just feel for them ...while i'm always misunderstood.

Why don't people ever see what i'm trying to say or do? Do i need to spell it out clearer for you? Are you that cynical? Or just dumb? Why do people have to be so damn discouraging? WHY

I HAVE NO BAD INTENTIONS. I never ever mean to do anything bad or harmful. UGH
I guess i care too much, love too much, and spend way too much time on people
and i guess that's my curse.

i hate everyone
done ranting
sorry
bye

Week 15/16 Update

Officially less than 2 weeks and i'm homebound!!!! literally cannot contain my excitement. i miss my mom and everyone back home so much.

I'm just counting down the days till last day of class, which is this friday..and then last day of finals which is next wednesday! can't believe a whole semester has already gone by.
Didn't i JUST get here? Didn't i just blogged about "week 1 update" ?! #stopthistrain

anyways other than school, i started work! I'm still in training mode but they put me in the fitting room this past sunday and it was such a good feeling being back at it. I know i told myself i wouldn't do retail again, but it just feels good working again. I'm such a do-er that getting things done, being productive...gives me some sort of weird high. LOL i was smiling the whole time just so so happy and blessed to be working in such a good environment too~ Management and all the associates are super sweet and nice from what i've seen #thankGod
happy team, ...happy life..? hahah

Still looking for housing for the summer but just trusting God to somehow provide...so keep me in your prayers pretty please! financially and in the relationships i hope to maintain/develop~ i hope that this summer will be one to remember- first summer in chicaggooooo woop!

bowling league has been fun! i've been sucking so much though :( i feel so bad for my team LOL literally bringing them down so much. i should at least be getting 110s but i've been in the 80-90 range HAHA fail. Cynthia, if you're reading this..you'd be very disappointed. I need to get my skills back as if i'm playing with you/our group! i think because of the pressure i'm doing worse..womp. hopefully i'll do amazing the last monday i'll be participating in it! missing the last week but i'm pretty sure my team will do better without me hahah

other than that.....my life has just been filled with eating, sleeping, studying, and some more eating.
My walk with God is always challenging to keep up, but i'm still fighting! so i hope you guys are too, and staying encouraged. As i've repeatedly emphasized..you'll have times where you don't necessarily "feel" God- but trust me, He is by your side. He is holding your hand and has your back! All about appreciating the little things, noticing whats to come, and always being thankful :) that is what keeps me going~ need to constantly discipline myself! but it's been working, so i hope your walks have been consistent-ish too~

anywhoooo, i have a test tomorrow and i'm here babbling on about nothing. those who have finals, good luck! final stretch- you got this! and those who are slumming and dying at work, you got this too! look forward to the weekends and memories you make along the way :D

love all of you guys and feel free to send any prayer requests along! i'd be more than happy and grateful to pray for you. xx


Do Everything In Love, Always~
SK

#DontForget

"And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you." Romans 8: 11

w o a h -- can we all just read that REAL carefully...... if the Spirit of him who RAISED Jesus from the DEAD in living in you......he will also give LIFE to us.
So........the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead. Yeah, that guy? He's with us. What could we possibly NOT do then!?

I think it's easy for us to forget about how big of an army we have with us. God's on our side (wealreadywon) When the world gets loud and your comfort and love seems to be shrinking, just ask for help. Read any passage/pray a prayer and you'll be reminded of God's love. His Sovereignty. His Love. His Grace. His Mercy.

Since Holy Week, i've been slacking on my time with God. Even this week, i purposely ignored Him a few times because i just didn't feel like talking to Him. It's not always rainbows and butterflies for me too! This walk with God is a hard one- but i'm in for the long run because we already won this battle. I just need to keep on keeping on~ And it's always going to be like this. I'm going to struggle some days and be super victorious some days. Reality of walking this amazing, yet tiring journey with God- He's with us for sure, but it is going to be tough. But just as Romans 8:11 says...The same spirit that brought Jesus to life...lives IN us.  #weGOTthis.

When we're in trouble or suffering, it's easy to forget our God is FOR us. We tend to think everyone, including God is against us. However..it's totally not the case! Again, it's super easy to think that and i'm guilty of it as well. But...while talking with my mom tonight, she made a good point. Maybe our prayers aren't being answered- or at least certain ones...because He wants us to keep asking. He wants us to earnestly ask. I mean..seriously, we all believe He's a good God right? Well..what if He always gave us all we wanted every time we asked. Would we appreciate Him as much? Would we just use Him? Would we even acknowledge His true genuine love for us?

I don't think so. It's something i wrestle with all the time. Like..hey God, wanna answer some of my prayers?! Arg! It's so so easy to forget...that we have to do our part too. Earnestly Pray. Talk to Him. Tell Him your desires and troubles and complaints! He wants to hear us. He even says that if we don't know what to say, the Spirit will help us.

"We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8: 26b

That is seriously one of my favorite verses. Even when we don't know what to say or ask for...God will even help us there! So just DO IT first. Ask. Talk to Him.

Ask Him what is up!!! Whether your life is amazing or horrible, He wants to hear our voice. He is a jealous God and your relationship with Him is NOT one way. If it's easier (it is for me) think of your relationship with Him like a relationship with a human! like a best friend.
How would they feel if you didn't talk to them for days? Weeks? Months?
How would they react if you only came to them for things? Used them? Only complained to them...

Well, it's a friendly reminder for me to think of God like that. If He was actually like in human form today..in front of me, how would i treat Him after all He's done for me? #foodforthought

This might be a repetitive thing i'll post but it's just a simple reminder for myself, and you guys all fighting the good fight..#DontForget. #DontForget that our Lord, our Father-- is WITH us. Even when we don't "feel" Him. And even when we don't, we just need to simple A S K.  :)

Well, i hope you guys have a good rest of the week/end! TGIF!
After tomorrow, i only have a week left of classes..then finals, then HOME BOUNDDDDDD :) wheeee~

Thank God for His constant reminder of His grace and love for me daily..because without it, i'd be going crazy and be depressed. hehe love you guys and miss you babies back at home <3 be well~




Do Everything In Love, Always~
SK

Week 13/14 Update

These updates are getting harder to do...they seem so boring! LOL but for those who have been checking up on me through fb/blog, heres a quick update!

I GOT A JOB!!!! As a sales associate at Anthropologie :)

I seriously am so so so thankful and blessed. Words really cannot describe how i felt when i received the phone call. Even when i applied for the position, i doubted myself because i don't fit the anthropologie style but i just applied because i was desperate. I knew i wouldn't get it and just forgot about it. But 2 weeks later, i got an email saying to complete an online survey (which i was nervous about too) but then i received another email saying to come in for an interview the day after! It was so unexpected and i was so so nervous...i still am idk why. LOL

I seriously was praying all week and asking God to just be with me throughout the interview..i researched so much about the company too :x I seriously just felt like i wasn't good enough or fashionable enough for anthro- even though it's just a retail job, i just didn't feel qualified! But throughout the interview, He seriously helped me to carry out the conversation, be myself, and just be genuine in showing my character and work ethics. The manager and I clicked so so well i was so happy :) She told me at the end she'll let me know by end of day tomorrow her decision..she called me 45 minutes later apologizing that she just couldn't wait and wanted to offer me it right away! SERIOUSLY, how can i not praise God?!

But that's how i know it's all God. And it's so funny because every time i decide i want to take control of something or think that I was the one that made it happen, He tends to take it away or say no. Isn't our God funny? But whenever i put my trust in Him and simply ask Him to take over..He says YES CHILD! Here is what i want to give you- here is all the desires of your true heart :) hahaha. ahhh but it was definitely a humbling experience getting rejected to jobs that i really wanted and/or getting jobs that i knew weren't something i was looking for/would want. 

Again, i know it's just a retail position, nothing fancy..but i'm just so blessed that i got a job. And it wasn't anything i did that gave me it..it was all God! Even my previous experience at Uniqlo, God gave me that job- helped me learn so much..and that helped me get this job! WOOP see what God does? :) tehe. i'm just so happy.

SO THANK YOU! For all who prayed for me about getting a job, thank you thank you thank you! All those prayers worked :) seriously...thank you. <3

anyways...that was a long job blurbbb but thats really the newest thing! 

I'm just working hard towards the end of the school year, still trying to figure out what i'm going to do this summer, but at least i know i have a job waiting for me! :) I'm 100% confident in God and in the fact that He'll provide whatever housing/financials i need. 

I also joined a bowling league..LOL. It's a thing where the suburb korean american churches come together..and bowl for 5 weeks! Great time for fellowship between the churches and also just spending time getting to know other people in the chicagoland area! And seeing calvary people outside church is great too :D 

But other than that..i don't think anything else is new. talk to me, chat me up, i'd love to talk to you more in detail! 

Thanks for all who always check up and for allowing me to encourage you guys through my words and my life. So much love for everyone back home and everyone i've been meeting. It's been a great journey and i'm excited for what is to come. :) Please feel free to ask for any prayer requests or just a time to rant/chat. I'm always open and free to converse with you guys.

OH and less than a month till i come home for 2-3 weeks :D #ijustcantwaittostuffmyfacewithalltheyummyfoodbackathome #ohimissyouguystoo ^^

Do Everything In Love, Always~

SK

"It is finished."

"Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit." John 19: 30

Today, the darkest day in history...the ultimate sacrifice was given. The promise to give us eternal life and be with God...was fulfilled.
I still can't wrap my head around it all. The fact that God, OUR FATHER, loved us so much He sent His one and only son to die for us. (John 3:16) And Jesus wanted us to be with God, to receive His glory, His goodness....He was willing to bear it all. That God's will will be done.

I feel like every year since i could remember, Good Friday and Easter just came and went. I mean, i understood it was the time that God's promise, tracking all the way back to the first sin committed, was fulfilled. Since the first sin, God made a plan. A plan to save us under His wrath. That through His Son, we may ALL be saved. But...how quick are we to just say it. To even proclaim and cry about it! But do we actually let it sink in? Let God reveal to us how deep that is and how significant today is..

I mean come on. If someone took a bullet for me, i'd know its love. I'd totally make a "holiday" for it and give all my respect and love to them. I'd be convinced i am loved.
So how about the cross? Do we really know what that means?

I admit fully and shamefully that until this past lent season, it wasn't anything special. I mean, yeah Jesus died and it was amazing and we're all saved. (yipeee!) But..i don't know. I just never thought of it the way i am now thinking of it. Like....Jesus was also human. He came down in human form. He went through all the temptations, all the actions, all the worldly things we experience on a daily basis. But He glorified GOD. He CHOSE to let God take over and let HIM be glorified- not this world, not anything else.

He even asked God to "take this cup" from him (Luke 22:42) when the hour came near...but..

"An angel from heaven appeared to Him and strengthened Him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground." Luke 22: 43-44

So we see in these verses His earnest prayer to God. Jesus knew God's plan for Him. It was to live the perfect, sinless life...then take on the burden of all sins. To get the whole wrath of God on our behalf. How scared and lonely must that have been......He even asked God to take the cup from Him. But he still goes on to say right after, "yet not my will, but yours be done." So Jesus asked God to take away the burden, but also if He can't, it's all good..because it's ultimately God's will to be done. He is so obedient and faithful. (We should probably be more like Him in our daily lives..)

But going back to what really just strikes me-- He was sinless. He didn't do anything!!!!! It gets me so mad and angry thinking about how people yelled out "Crucify Him!" (Mark 15:13) -- Like..come ON! What did he do?! Even if someone today committed murder, who are we to sentence them to death? God is the ultimate judge. All the sins i've committed and will commit..still doesn't measure up to the gruesome death He faced. Yet His death was made and planned the way it was, to top it all. It was the saddest, tragic, worst, but best death to ever happen. (for US!)

So i don't really know what else to say but...let's just remember today. Not as a day we got off of work and school. But....a day to remember. To honor and respect our God, who gave it all. Who loved us so much to the point of death. How can you even fathom? I can't!!! It's just so surreal and amazing and unimaginable.

He loves us man...so so much. But let's just remember as well that He didn't die for nothing. He died that we may be blameless, pure, and white as snow. That our sins may be forgiven and we may have new and eternal life with the Father- just as He did. Once we comprehend, once we acknowledge and know in our hearts that truth, that amazing amazing truth...we can't stay the same. We have to want to make changes! I mean, trust me, it takes time..and we'll never be perfect. We will always fall short of His grace and all He's done. BUT! That by no means is an excuse to give ourselves false humility and not even try.

As we were justified in Christ, we were sanctified in Him as well. So going towards the Resurrection and the rest of our days on this temporary earth we live in, let's just love. Let's love our God-who loved us before the world was even created. Let's love one another- as Christ showed us through his life on earth- for we are all brothers and sisters unified through Him.

Again, i know it's easier said than done...but we gotta try right? We owe Jesus that much..He paid it all.

"I have decided to follow Jesus

No turning back, no turning back."

Do Everything in Love, Always~
SK