Wednesday, August 12, 2015
"We found love that never runs dry
From the depths
To the sky
Eyes fixed on the one who knows no end
You stand strong for all the time
In the joy, In the trial
You are the Beginning and the End."
This song is from Hillsong Y&F's first album, which i fell in love with when it came out. I came across this song again tonight after an incredible time with one of my dearest friends, and it all rushed back to me. We were just having one of those real talks about life, struggles, etc. But the conclusion we came to is to keep fighting, stay thankful, and just trust.
His Love goes on. Its that simple. He IS the Beginning and the End, and despite anything life throws at you, He's there through it all. Its such a hard thing to remember when the bad comes and consumes you, or when the good comes, and distracts you from being thankful. However, its moments like these...moments of clarity, that we have to really hold onto. To hold onto the joy and beauty in it all. The greatness that comes with walking with Him.
Its definitely been a rough few months, i would even say a rough year. I personally haven't been spiritually fed properly or even had any conviction or motivation to do so. But thankfully, my amazing year last year has been (barely) holding me together. I still thank God daily for His goodness and grace, but i'm definitely not at a place where i was. (But then again, we never want to go "back" to a time when we were "good" with God-- we want to always look forward and realize that we've grown and it'll always be different, and always better.)
Through it all though, it really does come down to nights like tonight, where you take a step back and realize that He is just too good to avoid. Once you are blessed enough to really have the time to build the foundation and trust in the relationship between you and God, it will hold you together like glue.
I am and will always be thankful for the best year of my life so far, aka 2014. It was my year to understand His grace and to learn to be patient and thankful through trials.
Just because 2015 hasn't been the greatest year does not mean i am defeated. Friends who know me, and have seen me...has described me as someone who is just swimming, going with the flow. But this flow hasn't been going upstream. It has going down fast into a sewer (LOL). And i really am/was. I thank one of my sistas in Christ for letting me realize this a few weeks ago, and now i'm finally trying to slowly crawl my way upstream. I think i've just been avoiding realizing that everything isn't OKAY because sometimes we don't want to think about our problems. We want to cover everything up and pretend everything is A-Okay! And that we don't need anyones help, guidance, or support.
But that then leads to present day Sarah Kim -- a confused, strayed, lost, helpless girl. Who's sole support came from the distraction of work, failed relationships, and anything else that didn't lead me to depending on God.
Fast forward to me finally realizing and thinking about my issues, i'm hoping to do something about it. Its going to be a long long struggle and process, but i guess i'm ready. (?!) I know whats right and i know that i have to lean on God -- especially after nights like tonight where i'm taken back to the place where i first understood -- where i first realized that God IS the beginning and end. Alpha Omega, literally the one consistent in my life. So what else can we do right? He is literally our rock, our anchor. Through the tough times, His love carries us through this life we have to live here on this earth!
That also leads me to remind myself that this life here is so temporary. 90 years on this planet is a second compared to the eternity we have to spend with Him afterwards. So...while i'm here on this earth, i need to stop wasting my life with useless things that only give me temporary happiness!! Or at least slowly try to. Because what is life, where is the meaning, when you're only living for yourself and/or any idols. (Anything you love more or spend more time thinking about is definitely an idol) Especially when you have an incredible, awesome God you serve...who is and always will be on your side.
His love seriously goes on and is too good to pass up.
I hope you guys get somewhat encouraged by this random post after several months of hiatus. I really hope and pray i can continue to trust in Him and lead in His ways...not the worlds....#accountabilitypartnerswhereyouat #helpasistaout
Also feel free to reach out to me to chat or ask for any prayer requests. Community is all we got when it comes to helping with the struggle of fighting this good fight. The enemy is strong, but we serve an even stronger God! Who gives us people to lean on and to keep going. Although life can get crappy, and we all have our own share of burdens, we're also meant to carry each others...so burden on guys!