Tuesday, March 24, 2015

How Can It Be?

You plead my cause, you right my wrongs
You break my chains, You overcome
You gave Your life, to give me mine
You say that I am free
How can it be? How can it be?

Isn't that a question we should be waking up with... How can it be? How is it that God....Lord...SOVEREIGN over everything..loves us? forgives us? is there for us?
His grace just continues to overwhelm me. It simply isn't something that we can understand or even begin to comprehend. It just is.

Now, He has done so many good things for me that i don't deserve..i don't know where to begin. But, let's talk about that amazing grace He decided to just drown me in today--

Today was a very nerve-wracking day for me..I've been dreading it since last year. I had to go to court from a time last summer that a leonia cop scanned my parked car, and realized that the owner (me) had their license suspended. My license was suspended because NJ thought i didn't have insurance. But i did! my car was registered in NJ, but had IL insurance.. (i know, i'm an idiot) -- My insurance company had told me to change it to IL since i was in school majority of the year..but failed to tell me to change my plates/registration to IL (duh sarah). 
Well, thanks to my good friend, she helped drive me to the MVC, restore my license, and to go along driving merrily. I still had a ticket in my hand and a court date waiting for me. I had pushed the court date two or three times because i looked up the penalties and fines that come along from driving while suspended....Lets just say i needed a minimum of $500 and could even go to jail if found guilty!! (I was ready to spend a night in jail today...)

So as my superhero mother and i go into the Leonia courtroom today around 5:45 PM...i found myself just praying. Hmm- why is it that we pray and plead to Him desperately in times of trouble? I mean, i prayed a few days in advance and i always pray! But dude, this was a desperate cry to Him- i was really tryna feel Jesus in that court room (LOL)

Anywhooo, so for people that have never been to court (good for you, i've been in court 4 times now), you go up to the prosecutor and he determines your fine/penalty.. Then you get called by name to the judge, and he determines the final call. Around 7:15 i finally have my name called my the prosecutor...i'm nervous as can be, ready to hear that i'm going to have to drop at least $500 and possibly get my license suspended again.
But hey hey hey! GOD IS GOOD MY FRIENDS - He tells me that instead, he'll drop it to $54 instead of the huge 5 hundo because i reinstated my license the same day i got the ticket (thank you Sophia.) -- WOO i was smiling ear to ear folks! I went back to my seat and told my mom, and we were so relieved. Thanking God and errthang. Telling her that we're celebrating with ๋นต~

So then the judge finally called my name. Confidently, i went up, getting ready to just say "Yes your Honor" and "Guilty" -- It went really fast that i don't even remember the questions he asked specifically...but ultimately, it lead me to say "I work at anthropologie....its a retail store! Yes your honor...Yes...Okay..Really? Thank you!" 
He found me NOT GUILTY!!!!!!!!!!!!! guys...i don't think you understand but this is the real deal, miracle, God is totally in the room with me, totally in the judge's heart, TOTALLY DROWNING ME IN GRACE!
So then i walk over to the paying line, thinking okay well i have a court fee to pay at least right? HA! Nah yo, God doesn't work that way. When He works, He gives it His all. As my mom and I stand on line, the judge says, "Hey! I found you not guilty..go home!" LOL - i literally responded with "wait..i don't pay anything?!" He then proceeded to tell my mom and I to have a good dinner together.

If that isn't grace folks, i don't know what is. 
I found myself singing this song on my way home....even explaining my mom the lyrics, and talking about how wonderful He really is.

Romans 11:6 (ESV) goes to say "But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise, grace would not be grace."
Grace would not be grace. -- Take a moment to think about that. If all the wonderful things that just miraculously happen to us, was because we are all model citizens, and the best christians...then it would not be grace. It would just be works and rewards. And trust me when i say this, I am not a good person. I am a sinner, and i definitely do not deserve half the things He graces me with.

God rights our wrongs... He overcomes... He gives us life... and He sets us free.
I think a lot of times we forget it. Even for me! I knew He'd protect me, but i decided before going in that if it was going to be a fine and punishment, that i'd handle it. That i deserved it since i was stupid, careless, and didn't follow the law. Ha! If only grace worked like that...well, it wouldn't be grace right? ;) -- To be good, to do bad, to do anything really...doesn't reflect what God gives us. He ultimately wants to see us happy, see us loved, and bring us everything we want in this life. And in return, He just wants the love back. He just wants us to acknowledge that there isn't a why, how, or if when it comes to His love and grace. All we gotta do is just know that He already loves, He already wants to give, and we just need to say know it, and believe it.

I just really wanted to share this with you guys...i know i haven't been blogging too much, but i hope this encourages you guys! He seriously is so great, and working even when we least deserve it. He always has our back...so much that we laugh at ourselves for worrying. THAT is the God we believe, love, and hope in. :)

always do everything in His love,

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

The Wait

It doesn't take someone who knows me to the core, to know that i'm dying to leave home already.
I proclaim it loud and proud that i'm getting out of jersey as soon as i get the "Go." As soon as God finally tells me that my time home is finished-- that i've completed my time here (jeez, it sounds like i'm stuck in prison), i'm on a one way flight to Chicago or LA. *my heart is torn.

So as i'm currently in the wait, i literally don't know what to do sometimes....
Does anyone else feel that way?
Where you absolutely know and trust that He is Sovereign..that He'll point you toward greatness once the time comes?...but still, you just have this restless mind and impatient heart..?

What do you do then?????
I honestly don't know. I feel empty and useless..
I'm not doing anything that is helping anyone, literally just concentrating on myself during this time...and i hate it. I feel like a vegetable..just sitting on a kid's plate..being ignored.

BUT- As i acknowledged that i need only to be still during this time - to just seek after HIM... i started to get excited. Excited for the future...excited for all the amazing things He is just waiting to pour into my life. He's BEEN waiting with one hand out, just waiting for mine to reach out. With the confidence that God is by my side, i'm filled, and overwhelmed with dreams and possibilities!!!

I think that's whats amazing about being young- still growing, making mistakes, taking risks, and just trusting God to redirect you if you fail (lol). You really don't have much to lose, and you are more willing to go out of your comfort zone (especially if you're single)

And with that said, i cannot wait to finally get the "GO" and to move to a new place, to explore more of this beautiful earth God let us live in, to meet the amazing brothers and sisters i have wherever i may go, and to just sit in His grace, His goodness, His love.... EEEEP - the future is bright you guys!! just gotta believe... ;)

always do everything in His love, xx