Monday, March 31, 2014

Week 11 Update

Last day of March.
Where does time go?! I swear it was just new years.......and i swear i just got to illinois- lost & confused. (well i still am hehe)

but as i've said in previous posts, life is G O O D :)
I'm just so thankful everyday. Living in His grace everyday.
Everyday isn't spectacular or eventful...yet somehow God speaks to me. I either find it, or He finds me in the tiniest ways ~ it's sort of romantic and cute. ....

haha but seriously, everything has been great. school work is good except for my stupid world civ class..which i hate....and really considering dropping..but i'll push through! (prayformeplease)
church has been great. getting involved in their book club! we're reading "Life Together" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Apparently an amazing short read! will probably write a summary/review on it later on~

the only huge thing on my mind currently is my summer plans. I'm super duper excited to be going home May 19th (EEP) but i'm desperately searching to get hired here in Chicago for an internship or summer temp job. (prayformeplease) ! I've been getting glimpses of what God has in store for specifically in illinois, and i'm more than excited to follow and unwrap it all. So currently looking for jobs in chicago since it'll be ideal! but if not, i'm also applying for suburb jobs so continue with it after summer.
Also, looking for sublet/apt for rent over the hopefully i'll find an awesome deal~

Main reason i don't want to stay home (jersey) this summer is much as i miss home and my friends and ugh my beautiful ma, i know it won't do me any good. I will just be unproductive, lazy, and super comfortable. I want to be able to take full advantage of my first summer here~ explore the land, develop awesome relationships, and fall in love with this new state. my hopes are high! (crossingmafingers)

anyyyyways, other than that....

I do have a prayer requests for my dedicated stalkers <3 Thanks so much for even reading these useless posts, but following up/sometimes even admitting stalking me. It truly makes my day :') ~ but i'm currently/have always been struggling financially. I know God always ends up providing some way some how, so i just hope y'all would pray with me that He'll give my mom and I peace that He'll again- provide.

Also, as many of you know, i hate asking people for anything...even prayer requests! So thank you in advance. Especially when i asked for missions, i didn't expect anything, but got more than i ever imagined.

With that said...I would love any support i can get. I still have exactly $400 left to raise for my missions fund. Trinity has been overly gracious in giving me more time to raise it~ I thought i could keep babysitting, spend less money, and try my best to save up enough..but unfortunately it didn't happen.

My missions support letter is in my blog, but my updated post mission newsletter can be found through this link for download:

After reading, you'll see how much God has truly...just wrecked me...and opened my eyes. It's truly been an amazing opportunity and humbling experience to have gone and seen what God has been doing there. And also to see what God wants me to understand and comprehend about His love for His children. I truly hate asking for anything from anyone, but if any of you feel convicted to do so, i would happily, graciously, lovingly..receive any more donations if possible. Please do not feel obligated to! This is seriously me just putting it out there because i'm out of options. I'm sure God will provide in other ways if not :) But anyways, link is:

In advance, thank you for all who already contributed- and to those who might contribute. It's been a huge blessing (you can tell from my blogs) being here in Trinity and just serving those around me/taking any opportunity to serve. Please please don't hesitate to talk to me/share with me/ask for prayer requests. I am always so down to share my love for Christ with anyone! :)

Love you all, have a wonderful week everyone!! ^^

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Saturday, March 29, 2014

"He cares for you."

"All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because,
"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you
Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. "
1 Peter 5: 5b-10

Wow. Can we just take a few minutes to meditate on those verses?!
The few lines i bolded were just ones that really stuck out to me. I feel like these few verses really just sum it all up.

1. Be humble.
2. Relax, He cares for you, so no worries.
3. Stay strong. The devil prowls looking for someone to devour. (woah)
4. Relax, we all go through the same troubles. We can help each other through it.
5. God will restore you-- make you strong, firm, and steadfast.

That's basically a great outline of how to survive this crazy world we live in. I hope it encourages you to stay strong and to just trust in Him. He cares for you more than you can fathom. 
I know it's hard to understand when times are tough and your emotions and thoughts are clouded by the situation you're in. However, if you can...take a step back.

Take a step back and look at your life -- Has there been a time where you were left in the darkness forever? Where God deserted you? No! (Well, if you're in it now, no worries, He'll get you out) - He has always pulled through. He hasn't failed yet, He's not going to start now. 
It's all about perspective. He loves you, and you know it. So just trust in Him, put all your anxieties, burdens, and troubles onto Him. Stay faithful and strong in your trust in Him, and don't be swayed.

Again, i hope this is a lil weekend encouragement for anyone who needs it.
have a great weekend loves xo

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Broken & Damaged Goods

This year so far has been a tremendous blessing for me. I've heard so many stories and emotionally connected with so many souls. It's truly been a privilege to see where many of you come from -- especially the amount of "baggage" you carry. I honestly weep when i think about every single one of you guys who have shared bits and pieces with me. I only pray and hope for God to continue providing hope, restoration, reconciliation, and love.

While having the honor of hearing these personal stories, i've also been able to share bits of mine. I noticed i usually start sharing once i get the idea that the person see's me as "holy" or a "saint."
A lot of time, i've been called so "pure" and "innocent" -- At first i laugh it off because it's hilarious and totally false. But i found myself feeling sad afterwards. Not because i felt judged but because most of the time, i think they just might think i'm "better" than them.

If you've been reading my blogs/talking to me...i've been wrecked by God in the fact that i need to come back to earth, get off my mighty horse, and realize that we're all God's children (full of sin). Don't get me wrong - i wasn't super self-righteous or anything.. But i found my sub-conscious judging indirectly at people that didn't dress like me, acted like me, looked "normal", etc. 

So when i realized that there is even a slight possibility that they may have felt like i was better than them, it broke my heart. At that moment, i just wanted to rewind to the second they told me i'm "pure" a "saint" etc - and just tell them that i'm not better than they are. I am in absolute brokenness in God's eyes. Whether you compare me to the greatest pastor or a heroin addict on the streets - God see's me just as He sees His daughter...same ole broken soul. Needing love, grace, and His mercy.

We are all broken & damaged goods. We tend to forget that when we're on a spiritual high or when we're on a complete spiritual dry season...and we compare ourselves to those who are just so good in their walk or judge those who aren't so good.

So for those who might think that they're not on the same level as some people that are really awesome in their walks with God and just so "holy" -- as great as they are, we all go through the same struggles and pains. We all have our own brokenness and baggage. But note this: God loves us, no matter what. He doesn't say come perfect! (i know i've mentioned this in another post) He says come now. With nothing - because really..what can we possibly give to God, that'll be of any use? Just ourselves ! A pastor head of thousands of people and a person that parties every weekend/maybeeveneveryday.. LOL can come to God and still have nothing to offer, but themselves and their love to just serve our amazing gracious God.

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, 
and I will give you rest." Matthew 11: 28

Its seriously so simple! I mean, granted depending on how you feel about our Heavenly Father right now, i don't blame you if you don't see what i'm sayin' ...but whenever you're ready, i promise you...He'll do great things in your life. Because the thing is, He already is! You may not notice, but He's slowly molding you, even when you're far from Him. whyyyy?! Because He loves us. Just as we are.

So..i don't really know where i'm going with this anymore but...i'm really not a "saint" or "innocent" or "pure." (lol) - i am just as you are. living in sin, taking it day by day.
& most importantly, we are all equally loved by the amazing God upstairs~ so whenever you're ready to just say hi to Him in prayer or even just talk to Him real it!

Also, i'd love to even chat and hear your baggage! I have a lot of baggage to share as well to make you feel better..LOL :) And prayer requests will always be taken~ so please don't ever hesitate!

SIDENOTE:  -- Awesome site made by the talent Kelly GH Kim. Click it, explore it, and tell us...#IfTimeStoodStill, what would ya do?

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Week 9/10 Update

AH! HI GUYS~ Sorry it's been so long since i've blogged! After missions, i was extremely busy with so much school work/exams and life! #sorrynotsorry #yourgirlsgotalifenow
bahah! jk :)
But serious respect to those who have checked my blog nonetheless. I saw the page views go up even without an update..which means my stalkers have been faithful! LOL.

Missions was amazing~ Please read my newsletter posted on my FB for an update! That is the best way i could put it. And if anyone wants to talk to me about it more, please do~ I'd love to share in full detail and just encourage each other through my experience and what you can share with me.

Other than that, life has been g o o d~
School has been catching up so i've been busy with essays exams and all that fun stuff. I'm starting to not pay attention in my classes i should probably stop that... Hehe I'm such a great procrastinator tho! Literally.. Way too good at it.

I've been babysitting more! & the parents and kids are starting to trust me more so I'm happy :) they're super super cute and ask me if I have a boyfriend everytime I watch them.. But it's all good~ they insist I tell them as soon as I get one. Don't worry kids.. The whole world will know LOL!
But seriously.. Is it just me or is everyone dating, engaged, or getting married!? Stop making us single people envy your happiness & love!!

Seriously man.. But I do see a difference in how I feel about all this. Last year and before this summer id just be jealous because I'd want a boyfriend/significant other for my own selfish desires and wants. Now.. It's just waiting on Gods timing! I mean don't get me wrong.. My door is super open LOL~ but my jealousy in other relationships is because I envy their love. I just wanna love onto people and sometimes people don't take it well cause it gets overwhelming/I'm too nice.. So I'd love someone.. Just that one.. To love! Haha idk bye..

Anyways~ seriously guys I've never been so happy. I'm just so content with everything in my life and just loving every day and moment. And I have God to thank for that.
Sorry I can't update more than just random thoughts! On the plus side, for all my loves back at home.. Just 2 more months! & I'm home bound for 3 weeks~ ^^ heheeee

But I hope you all have a great rest of the week! I'm busy but would love to skype with whoever can! Aka ma girls and whoever just wants to chat me up. Love you guys & thanking God for all of you for letting me be able to share my awesome journey with Him with you guys :)

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Friday, March 14, 2014

Quick Debrief

Today was officially our last day with our ministry here in the community :'(
It really has been an awesome awesome experience and pretty life changing. God definitely rocked and shook my world and created a whole new set of eyes for me.

Here's a quick pic of my cute group. We grew so close the past few days :')

I just wanted to let you guys know that it's really been an amazing time here and I'm pretty set on trying to come back to the west coast to do some of Gods work here! I already dreamt about living here and the more I did some ministry here.. The more I'm thinking I can do so much of His work here. He really showed me how to love this trip. Obviously it's all up to God whatever He has in store.. But I'm rooting on Cali. It's seriously an amazing place here.. Filled with so many awesome people living out Gods work. I'm so excited to debrief with y'all once I get back to Trinity and give you a general idea of what it was all about! Especially to those who have prayed & financially supported me. You guys are all amazing.

Well we technically leave on Saturday morning so tmmrw will be our free day! So we'll be heading to Santa Monica Pier so I'm pretty stoked for that :) I went last year but only to a restaurant near by~ excited to see the beach & really enjoy Cali!! Hehe

Thanks for constantly checking up and stalking my blogs you guys! Hope you can keep praying for me and my faith~ it's seriously growing stronger every day. No turning back~

Miss you guys back at home.. Hope you guys are awesome. Praying for you guys! And have a wonderful weekend loves xo

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Poverty Simulation

Hi beautiful ones! I'm happily loving missions right now~ well I finally am tonight... Because since Saturday night, I was in "poverty." It just ended tonight. After an amazing beach day with the kids from the churches after school program Saturday afternoon, we took a silent car tour to Skid Row.- a few blocks in LA where the homeless and drug addicts set up tents & squatted at. (Google it for more info)

When we got back to the church for discussion...
All 11 of us suddenly "lost everything." Actually, 2 of us became homeless.
So 9 of us were able to retrieve 3 personal items, keep just our inner wear, shoes, and one item we had on to wear .. We had to buy whatever else we needed. We were told we'd be given 27 "Say yes" dollars a day~ An average amount of what the people in poverty make..not real money.. & The 2 homeless people had no personal items to retrieve ...

So being the materialistic high maintenance person I realized I've become after moving to the Midwest, I was pissed. To say the least. LOL. I mean the idea of becoming poor and homeless was great for us to realize but I just didn't know it'd be to this extent. I'll just give a quick summary so I don't forget and just keep some of you guys who have supported, some details!

For my 3 items, I chose my sleeping bag, a towel(for more warmth/pillow if needed), and bought another item for 6 "say yes" dollars. So I had on my inner wear, RD long sleeve, and changed into my most comfortable jeggings.(currently bagged up in a plastic bag due to the filth.. Felt like pledging all over again!)  I gave away a personal item to one of the "homeless" girls haha. Oh! And I forgot to mention, we slept outside. In the pastors backyard. Can you just imagine my excitement?

Anyyyyways, so the cost of meals were "$7" and showers were "$5." Also bus rides were "$1" to "$2" depending on whatever he felt like asking for -___-

Sunday consisted of us in our clothes we wore from after the beach day on Saturday... To church! Arg I felt so nasty already and wanted to put on my nice Sunday wear. Fortunately, our God isn't one who cares what we look like. So we had the English service at 9 am, then the Spanish service at 11:30. Afterwards, we had a bunch of activities. Many of us also decided to just save eating and using our 7 for dinner. We figured we might not even get paid 27 a day because of thinking how the poor and homeless also never are stable and things just happen.

I had foolish hope thinking it'd be over by one night... Unfortunately we were still homeless. And we didn't get paid, as expected. Again, to say the least.. I was pissed.

Of course I understood the idea of this poverty simulation but I just didn't think it was very useful after the 24 hour mark. We got it. We need to appreciate what we have and also realize and put ourselves in the position of the poor & homeless. However, my initial expectations of this mission trip, along with the rest of my members was that we'd be hanging with kids, reaching out to the community and the ppl of LA, and just really spreading the gospel in the best way. I just didn't understand why I have to also smell, not eat, barely get any hours of sleep due to the 50-60 degree temperatures sleeping OUTSIDE.  I was very bitter...

I woke up probably over 20 times both nights~ I kept hoping it's be sunny out when I got up again.. Unfortunately it was still dark.. Every. Time. Finally when the sun got up, I'd get the courage to leave my sleeping bag and embrace the cold morning.  I actually cried this morning. LOL I felt so so pathetic but my head was pounding, I got barely enough sleep and I was hungry :'( I couldn't help but think so many negative thoughts. I was convinced the pastor was just a cruel cruel being.

I had actually made threats to my leader saying id run away and somehow get a room at the Marriott. LOL! How spoiled and bratty could I be?! But I still didn't understand.. Actually, now that it's over, I can still say I don't fully understand why it was more than 1 day. But~ I did gain a lot.

If you guys want to know all the details, definitely would love to tell you once I get back Saturday :) or just ask ! I finally have my phone back~ but obviously limited due to realizing not having it the past 2 days actually brought our group closer.

But all in all, I did get a lot out of it. I have kankor sores and I still feel gross after a 30 min shower. But hopefully the rest of the week, working with the kids will be amazing and evangelizing at Los Angeles City College in the mornings will be awesome & be a great experience.

Hope you guys are doing great~ happy Tuesday! I'm typing this on my phone so apologize for any typos heh. Love y'all~ and thank you for those who have been praying!! I promise I'll keep my heart on God and be positive towards all of this. And to those who have financially supported me, can't thank you enough! And you can always continue to donate through the link posted in previous posts. :)

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Week 8 Update

Hi guys! Hope everyones weekend was as great as mine~ And Happy Ash Wednesday! (Well..thursday now heh)

I usually don't give up anything/stopped because i've failed at it every year i've done it. Also, im pretty sure i always did it for stupid reasons! So this year, i decided to finally give up something i never would give up: KDRAMAS. (dammit) haha! Ahhh i've been getting so so consumed in it that since i got to illinois..aka 8 weeks, i'm pretty sure i've been through at least 5 whole drama series. And thats minimum 5 dramas. I just can't remember on top of my head! Also, to be realistic, i'm going to try to maintain a 4/week devotional/QT. And read one of the many books i've bought/received as gifts in order to expand my faith/knowledge for God! heh. I'm excited and i hope that i can keep it up and grow even closer to the Lord.

CSM Winter Retreat:
As you know, i went to my new churches' singles ministry winter retreat. I honestly went in expecting nothing but getting to know people, but i definitely got way more out of it.

We went to Lake Geneva, WISCONSIN (Fun fact: their water is soft and they're known for their cheese) from Friday evening to Sunday morning.
Friday: evening worship/sermon and games
Saturday: morning worship/sermon, small group, afternoon seminar, games, evening worship/sermon.
Then we left the camp around 7:15am so we can get to our 9:30 service.

I don't even know where to start so if you'd like to know more in depth, please organize a skype date wid me :) Overall i was able to get to know more people as well as get to know the word more. Ever since i came to Trinity, i've been learning so much about the word and God that i didn't before..and it's seriously been an amazing learning experience! Not that i never learned anything back at home, but i'm seeing it all in different perspectives and God has really been revealing a lot to me.

Also, i've seen a pattern/message God has been showing me-- that He is faithful. The past few years i had a lot of trust issues with Him..and for some reason, in my classes, at church, and everywhere, i'm constantly reminded of how faithful He is. Especially in the beginning when we think back to His promise to Adam. Then again to Noah, Abraham and then to us all. It's just amazing what God does in order to be one with us and have a relationship with us. It's seriously all a big romance and i'm getting more and more into it each day.

FOR ALL WHO HAVE SUPPORTED financially, with encouragements, and with prayers...thank you so so much. Literally means the absolute world to me. It is truly a blessing to have come this far..and also be given the opportunity to go on a missions trip to do even more of God's work.
I'm officially leaving in 3 hours for the airport! Then we will be leaving from O'Hare at 8:30AM !!!!! I will be in the Pico-Union part of Los Angeles from the 6th - 15th. I will have access to phone/internet and all that jazz so don't worry, i'll keep y'all updated!

The donation also doesn't end until April 2nd i believe (thankyouTrinity!) So i am still far off from my goal, but i believe in God's unending grace! So if any of you guys are feeling generous and loving, here is the link: -- Please don't feel obligated ! Just if you financially can support me, that would be ah-mazing. Prayers are worth just as much so please continue to keep me in your prayers! I will be in a dangerous area..gunshoots powpowpow!

Again..Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my life with you guys and for all the support i've received since day one. You guys are my rock (after the big G O D) hehe. Love all of you guys!

Have an amazing rest of the week and great spring break for those who are on it! I hope you guys will keep in touch with me, but i'm sorry in advance if i don't respond as quick! I have a super packed 10 days ahead for me :)

Do Everything In Love, Always~