Thursday, April 24, 2014

Week 13/14 Update

These updates are getting harder to do...they seem so boring! LOL but for those who have been checking up on me through fb/blog, heres a quick update!

I GOT A JOB!!!! As a sales associate at Anthropologie :)
I seriously am so so so thankful and blessed. Words really cannot describe how i felt when i received the phone call. Even when i applied for the position, i doubted myself because i don't fit the anthropologie style but i just applied because i was desperate. I knew i wouldn't get it and just forgot about it. But 2 weeks later, i got an email saying to complete an online survey (which i was nervous about too) but then i received another email saying to come in for an interview the day after! It was so unexpected and i was so so nervous...i still am idk why. LOL

I seriously was praying all week and asking God to just be with me throughout the interview..i researched so much about the company too :x I seriously just felt like i wasn't good enough or fashionable enough for anthro- even though it's just a retail job, i just didn't feel qualified! But throughout the interview, He seriously helped me to carry out the conversation, be myself, and just be genuine in showing my character and work ethics. The manager and I clicked so so well i was so happy :) She told me at the end she'll let me know by end of day tomorrow her decision..she called me 45 minutes later apologizing that she just couldn't wait and wanted to offer me it right away! SERIOUSLY, how can i not praise God?!

But that's how i know it's all God. And it's so funny because every time i decide i want to take control of something or think that I was the one that made it happen, He tends to take it away or say no. Isn't our God funny? But whenever i put my trust in Him and simply ask Him to take over..He says YES CHILD! Here is what i want to give you- here is all the desires of your true heart :) hahaha. ahhh but it was definitely a humbling experience getting rejected to jobs that i really wanted and/or getting jobs that i knew weren't something i was looking for/would want. 

Again, i know it's just a retail position, nothing fancy..but i'm just so blessed that i got a job. And it wasn't anything i did that gave me was all God! Even my previous experience at Uniqlo, God gave me that job- helped me learn so much..and that helped me get this job! WOOP see what God does? :) tehe. i'm just so happy.

SO THANK YOU! For all who prayed for me about getting a job, thank you thank you thank you! All those prayers worked :) seriously...thank you. <3

anyways...that was a long job blurbbb but thats really the newest thing! 
I'm just working hard towards the end of the school year, still trying to figure out what i'm going to do this summer, but at least i know i have a job waiting for me! :) I'm 100% confident in God and in the fact that He'll provide whatever housing/financials i need. 

I also joined a bowling league..LOL. It's a thing where the suburb korean american churches come together..and bowl for 5 weeks! Great time for fellowship between the churches and also just spending time getting to know other people in the chicagoland area! And seeing calvary people outside church is great too :D 

But other than that..i don't think anything else is new. talk to me, chat me up, i'd love to talk to you more in detail! 
Thanks for all who always check up and for allowing me to encourage you guys through my words and my life. So much love for everyone back home and everyone i've been meeting. It's been a great journey and i'm excited for what is to come. :) Please feel free to ask for any prayer requests or just a time to rant/chat. I'm always open and free to converse with you guys.

OH and less than a month till i come home for 2-3 weeks :D #ijustcantwaittostuffmyfacewithalltheyummyfoodbackathome #ohimissyouguystoo ^^

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Friday, April 18, 2014

"It is finished."

"Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit." John 19: 30

Today, the darkest day in history...the ultimate sacrifice was given. The promise to give us eternal life and be with God...was fulfilled.
I still can't wrap my head around it all. The fact that God, OUR FATHER, loved us so much He sent His one and only son to die for us. (John 3:16) And Jesus wanted us to be with God, to receive His glory, His goodness....He was willing to bear it all. That God's will will be done.

I feel like every year since i could remember, Good Friday and Easter just came and went. I mean, i understood it was the time that God's promise, tracking all the way back to the first sin committed, was fulfilled. Since the first sin, God made a plan. A plan to save us under His wrath. That through His Son, we may ALL be saved. quick are we to just say it. To even proclaim and cry about it! But do we actually let it sink in? Let God reveal to us how deep that is and how significant today is..

I mean come on. If someone took a bullet for me, i'd know its love. I'd totally make a "holiday" for it and give all my respect and love to them. I'd be convinced i am loved.
So how about the cross? Do we really know what that means?

I admit fully and shamefully that until this past lent season, it wasn't anything special. I mean, yeah Jesus died and it was amazing and we're all saved. (yipeee!) But..i don't know. I just never thought of it the way i am now thinking of it. Like....Jesus was also human. He came down in human form. He went through all the temptations, all the actions, all the worldly things we experience on a daily basis. But He glorified GOD. He CHOSE to let God take over and let HIM be glorified- not this world, not anything else.

He even asked God to "take this cup" from him (Luke 22:42) when the hour came near...but..

"An angel from heaven appeared to Him and strengthened Him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground." Luke 22: 43-44

So we see in these verses His earnest prayer to God. Jesus knew God's plan for Him. It was to live the perfect, sinless life...then take on the burden of all sins. To get the whole wrath of God on our behalf. How scared and lonely must that have been......He even asked God to take the cup from Him. But he still goes on to say right after, "yet not my will, but yours be done." So Jesus asked God to take away the burden, but also if He can't, it's all good..because it's ultimately God's will to be done. He is so obedient and faithful. (We should probably be more like Him in our daily lives..)

But going back to what really just strikes me-- He was sinless. He didn't do anything!!!!! It gets me so mad and angry thinking about how people yelled out "Crucify Him!" (Mark 15:13) -- Like..come ON! What did he do?! Even if someone today committed murder, who are we to sentence them to death? God is the ultimate judge. All the sins i've committed and will commit..still doesn't measure up to the gruesome death He faced. Yet His death was made and planned the way it was, to top it all. It was the saddest, tragic, worst, but best death to ever happen. (for US!)

So i don't really know what else to say but...let's just remember today. Not as a day we got off of work and school. But....a day to remember. To honor and respect our God, who gave it all. Who loved us so much to the point of death. How can you even fathom? I can't!!! It's just so surreal and amazing and unimaginable.

He loves us so much. But let's just remember as well that He didn't die for nothing. He died that we may be blameless, pure, and white as snow. That our sins may be forgiven and we may have new and eternal life with the Father- just as He did. Once we comprehend, once we acknowledge and know in our hearts that truth, that amazing amazing truth...we can't stay the same. We have to want to make changes! I mean, trust me, it takes time..and we'll never be perfect. We will always fall short of His grace and all He's done. BUT! That by no means is an excuse to give ourselves false humility and not even try.

As we were justified in Christ, we were sanctified in Him as well. So going towards the Resurrection and the rest of our days on this temporary earth we live in, let's just love. Let's love our God-who loved us before the world was even created. Let's love one another- as Christ showed us through his life on earth- for we are all brothers and sisters unified through Him.

Again, i know it's easier said than done...but we gotta try right? We owe Jesus that much..He paid it all.

"I have decided to follow Jesus
No turning back, no turning back."

Do Everything in Love, Always~

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Depth of His Love

During this Holy week, i'm reading "Love to the Uttermost" from they had an electronic copy so i decided to do it. It's been super heres a blurb on it/my own take.

"While we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person - though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die - but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
Romans 5: 6-8

So when it comes to Jesus dying on the cross...what does that signify? His Love. So, how  g r e a t is His love for us? He reveals it in four different ways. (taken from Tuesday's devo)

  1. Cost: In our everyday life, we see the value of one's love through what it costs them. Jesus sacrifices it all. He gave His LIFE for us. It assures us with full confidence that His love is great. It'd be different if he just had a "few bruises." -- It cost Him everything to die for us.
  2. Unworthy: We are unworthy. When someone shows us love, wouldn't you think that we deserve it? Well He gives the definition of unconditional love. Even after we spat on Him, shunned Him, offended Him, and murdered Him- He loved us. We see in Romans 5: 5-8 of how undeserving we are. Even as we were sinners He died for us. Our unworthy-ness, our undeserving life...was all paid upfront with the cross.
  3. Benefits: We also tend to see how much people love us through what we get out of it. In everyday life, we see that done through our friends and family helping us out when needed. We were cursed. We were oppressed and living in absolute torment. With the cross, with what Jesus did for us...we are able to have eternal life. We are able to be in the presence of God!! Not only that, we get His love, joy, grace, blessings, and so much more.
  4. Freely: What have we done to deserve all of this? Jesus doesn't even ask anything from us before He dies for us. He simply just does. If this world was to hate Him and go against Him, He chooses to take His own life. He CHOSE to take it, lay it down on His own accord (John 10:18) and to do it all for us. When someone does something for you, it's usually out of guilt, obligation, contract, etc- When someone does something that isn't necessary or needed, it's pure love. What Jesus did was love. We see the greatness and depth of His love through this.
Jesus WILLINGLY came into this world to just do God's will. God loved us so much that He laid down His own die for US. US?!?!?!?! Who the heck are we to have this privilege. We have done absolutely everything to make Him NOT die for us. 

But He loves us. And He wanted to be with us...and just give us all the joys and blessings. EEP! Makes me so happy even thinking about it. Seriously though. Just picture someone- a friend, a family member..or even just a stranger. Imagine them knowing how sinful you are. Imagine them knowing all your baggage and brokenness in you. Imagine them knowing you talked badly about them- even hated them. Well, that's what happened with Jesus. He was mocked, abused, hated, spat on, and killed. Jesus voluntarily, happily, joyfully, but painfully...still died for all who did that.

He died for YOU. Yes, even you. You and your brokenness. You and your sinful nature. You and your short temper. You and all your sins. :') His love is just so deep -- we see it all in the 4 points made above. 

Well, i hope this encourages you guys to just know deeeeepdeeeep down how DEEP and GREAT His love is. It truly is. look at what He's done! haha. ok i'll stop now.
love y'aaaalll~ happy tuesday!

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Monday, April 14, 2014

I am Absolutely in Love with You. (How I Got Here Pt. 2)

"Jesus, you have me completely
Every breath that i breathe
I am absolutely in love
Jesus, I am yours forever
All of me surrenders
I am absolutely in love with you."

Recently came across this song again~ and i just love it. It seriously is a love song to God, just declaring how much in love we are. How much we're consumed by it...and that's the only place i'd ever want to be. Down on my knees, just completely drowning in His love, consumed by His grace.

This is my part 2 of how i got here. (Part 1) -- So ever since my YG days, i loved serving. I honestly think i learned how to serve and just give so much throughout my YG days. But to go back a little more than when i started serving, i actually was just a sunday go-er. I went to hang with friends and didn't even bother thinking about participating! I just wanted to have fun.

I remember the year the seniors were graduating, i started to hang out with the older kids more. I was in 8th grade at the time and thought the youth group just ran on it's own, and we all just come and have fun! Boy was i wrong. (so naive!) I soon realized once they graduated, we, as the congregation need to put in the work or it'll start crumbling. Someone needed to step up. So...the rest is history. I was "secretary" "president" etc~ and i took charge of whatever i could- skit planning, event planning, etc! I just grew a love and passion in being a leader. Just being able to lead them towards a direction in glorifying God and being a crucial part of it made me feel like i was doing something worthwhile- rather than my other life, where all i did was hang out, drink, do useless things.

Fast track to junior year of HS-- Going to a Christian university never was on my mind, but towards the end...i decided to try apply to Gordon College just for kicks. I don't even know major was nursing and they only had bio. But still, for some reason, i thought that if i got an amazing scholarship and financial aid, i'd just go..and my life with God would begin. Well, i did get accepted, but barely any money. So Pace i went!

So throughout my YG days, end of HS, and even my first semester at Pace, i always debated going to into ministry. Then a christian college.. Not because i necessarily was set on becoming a pastor, but i wanted to be in the environment. I craved it. I needed to learn more about God- i just didn't know how.
I even applied to Nyack december 2012..which i totally forgot about~ Well, i started most of the application and sent the initial parts in- just never completed it to get accepted.

I always had in my mind to serve and do ministry. I just never thought it'd be realistic. Because how many pastors do we really know? The ones at your church..sure! But other than that..i didn't have much exposure of people going into full-time ministry. Even now, out of my group of friends, i believe i'm the only one...except i have a few people i know who are in seminary/doing other ministry. But just a few years ago, i didn't have anyone to even discuss this lingering thought with! All my friends definitely wouldn't understand (or so i thought)- and what kind of reaction would i get if i were to proclaim i wanted to be a pastor. I still am weird about saying it now! Who am I to want to go into that field...

A pastor. Dang. Even when i was thinking of ministry, i don't think i ever thought i wanted to be a pastor. It was through my many many talks with my bestest friends, unnies, mentors that i saw that i could possibly do it. They would always randomly encourage me throughout conversations or just randomly, that i'd make a great pastor. Or YG pastor-- or they'd drop in slightly that they think that i'm going to end up being a pastor. Up until last September, i thought those were all bogus thoughts! If it even was slightly close to coming true to pursing that dream, it'd be wayyyy later in life- when i was happily married with 3 little nuggets.

Anddd well i guess like i said in my Part 1, i just wanted to live FOR God, and make a living for Him. I wasn't satisfied with working a secular job! I mean, definitely people are called for that and can serve in different ways. But for some reason....i have this huge heart to just serve in God's kingdom...

And to be completely honest...who the heck do i think i am to say i want to serve in God's kingdom?! How? Why ME?! What did i do to be chosen to have this desire and "calling" to be a part of God's mission here on earth. I don't even know what God wants me to do yet, but i do know for some reason...He put this huge passion in me to just love Him and show people what His love looks like.

I have a LOoooOOonnnGgggggg way to go. Trust me, i'm just as broken and messed up as you or a drug addict. Thankfully, we're saved- not because of what we do or what we don't do- but because God just loves us. :) But i'm working at it day by day! I think the biggest thing i'm just learning to do is love God..just fall so deep in love with Him. And just see how much God loves each and every one of you guys- and to try my best to show you guys how much He cares and loves you..because i know MANY of you guys just don't deep, how wide, how infinite His love really is. AH i just can't explain it- but it brings me to tears everytime i think of it.

anyways idk if this is really a how i got here thang but i wanted to share a bit. maybe there will be a part 3, who knows! :P

I hope everyone is enjoying their week, meditating on His word and what Jesus did this week..I'm super excited to just sink into the word and just talk to God about all He did for us. It stinks we only think about it so in depth during holy week and good friday leading up to Easter..but i'm still very thankful. Thankful we are able to think about it, read about it, and devote ourselves to it.

Alrrrighty, love you guys! miss you guys back at home, MAY 19TH - get ready :D
and for all who just read my blog for curiosity/stalkerness/boredom, thanks for reading. It's always a pleasure being able to share parts of my life, and seeing that people actually read it. I hope i only encourage you to seek God more and to discover how great He much He cares and loves.

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Monday, April 7, 2014

Week 12 Update

"You are strong when I am weak somehow
I am weak enough to see
I need you to cover me
If i ever needed grace, it's now"

This song has literally been on mind so much...i woke up singing in my head "You are strong when I am weak somehow" saturday morning at 5:28 am -- LOL
But it literally has been such an amazing song to just sing and remind myself how much i'm in need of His grace, daily. Whether my life seems fantastic or seems to be tumbling down... He's strong when i am weak and He always always covers me. Always provides for us.

Anyyyways hope y'all enjoy that song while you read my update..
Week 12~ officially 3 months in the midwest! i'm actually really enjoying illinois..i realized i compare it so much to home because i've lived in jersey most of my life (so i apologize for my annoyance!) But..illinois does has it's perks :) Amazing people, hidden gems, food jersey doesn't have, drive-thrus, and beautiful view of stars every night~ can't wait till it's warmer.
I still cannot believe i'm here- i wake up everyday in awe..just questioning what on earth i did to deserve His grace to be here, to be growing daily, to be receiving of His grace daily. MAN it's seriously a blessing.

School has been good~ i've been trying to get back to school mode so i'm getting a whee bit better! I had advising this week to see what to take next semester..and i was kind of freaking out because i'm never going to graduate -_- literally have soOooo many credits to take since a lot of my transfer credits will only be counted as elective. My goal is to graduate May 2016..But December 2016 won't be too bad~ as long as i get there..right? heh...
And i decided to change my emphasis! I came here for Youth Ministry, which is my emphasis~ but i'm going to do Pastoral Studies instead. So..Christian Ministries with an emphasis on Pastoral Studies. If you're interested in getting to know why, please ask- I'd be happy to share in depth rather than using just a few words here on my blog.

We had our first book club meeting this past saturday! it's been awesome so far. The book, "Life Together" Dietrich Bonhoeffer is about community within Christians. It's been a huge blessing reading it thus far, so i hope to share it as soon as i'm done :)
Some of us went rock climbing after book club- first time for mee! it was a really cool experience- seeing how easy it looks..yet so so difficult to achieve! My goal was to get to the top of at least, and although it was a 5.6 level of difficult (aka, super easy) - i did it! My goal for next time is getting through this 5.7 one...ah it was so difficult! :( Below are some pics from the day though ! 

 me and rebecka after sweating :D
 gettttting ready~

 our first official pic ! thanks james~

 so intense. guarantee you the ground was probably right below my foot. HAHA
 trying too hard to stay on :x

rebecka being the natural she is!! got up super high~

I also can't believe it's almost easter! Lent is almost over and it's probably the first time i'm not tracking down the days dying to finally do what i gave up (watch korean dramas) LOL - it's been tempting me like 2-3 times a week, but i'm solidddd

But i am counting down the days till easter break! Even though spring break was just a few weeks ago, i feel like i didn't really get rest rest~ and with christianschoolperks, we have 4 days off for easter break :))) ~ i'm just excited to chill and enjoy the hopefully beautiful spring weather that will take over that weekend. --which also leads me to say i've officially adapted spring. Although it's still 30-40 degrees most days, i've set my mind to SPRING MODE - aka i've ditched the jackets and refuse to look like i'm still rotting in winter. hehe.

Anddddd ma best biddie booked a ticket to see me when i finish my last final so i'm super super excited :) i can't wait to show her around and explore chicago together! 

Well, hope everyone has a victorious, blessed week ! much love to you guys all the time. 
And to leave you guys with some encouragement, i hope all of you know how much God loves you. Its easier said than to believed- but truly, that is my only prayer for you guys. Because then, i won't have to worry about you guys! lol! cause when you grasp even just a bit of how much God loves you and how much He cares for you, you'll be forever changed. -- so keep on keeping on, and fight the good fight! love you all, have a superrrrrbbb monday! xo

Do Everything In Love, Always~