Letting Go

I'm slowly learning to let go of things that i hold onto just because of familiarity or history. Especially when it comes to relationships.

Is it valid to keep relationships because of the history both sides have? Or because you just have so much love for someone? Is it valid to keep a relationship because you care & want to fight? I use to think so because relationships are all about being intentional and trying your best to keep at it. But now i'm doubting myself...Maybe it's useless for me to hold onto something we both already lost.

I don't even think it's letting go or the saying "i'm going to drop him/her"~ It's just more of a realization that i don't need to put my ALL into a friendship that doesn't offer the same. Obviously i don't get into friendships because i want something or need something in return. All i ask is action following your words. If i care enough to do something, i do expect it to be a two way street, in whatever manner you show/express your love. I'm pretty flexible when it comes to that.
& If you know me well enough, i'm an all or nothing type of girl. But sadly, maybe i just need to redefine that with my friendships because i end up hurting them, or i just hurt myself.

Especially being out here, i'm realizing so much about what i mean to people and how much effort they're willing to take to actually show they care. Because as much as i know people care about me..how is that even true? Should i be making excuses and validating the "care" my friends have for me? I don't think so. & If you don't know anything about someone, how do you care about them? History? Sure. You'll always love them and "be there" for them...but i'm starting to learn there needs to be a set boundary in order to protect yourself, and even them.

And like i said earlier, maybe i'm just putting the effort and all into the wrong friendships. Maybe--just maybe, while i've been concentrating so much on certain relationships, other people have been feeling the same way about me. Why haven't i been putting effort? Why haven't i been giving a text here and there, making sure they're doing ok? All these thoughts have seriously been in my head daily for quite some time...

And for those who have been there for me always through encouraging words, deep talks, constant love, making sure everything is OK, i know i said thanks in an earlier post..but serious serious thank yous to you guys. I honestly am still here today and loving life and the Lord because of you guys. Your views of friendships and how to maintain them go side by side on how i define them..and i think thats what matters. We see eye to eye & God has definitely placed each of you guys specifically in my life, at the rights times. So much love for you guys. <3

Unfortunately, and sadly.. A lot of people our age and in our generation don't take the time to think this way. Am i wrong or too sensitive to be thinking so in depth about friendships/relationships? Have you thought about if your friendships are healthy? I honestly think people are just too lazy and too comfortable to think about it.

YES we're busy, YES we have jobs and lives. But that is no excuse to keep a relationship that doesn't better each other. That doesn't want the best for each other. That doesn't even communicate with each other. It doesn't even matter about the time spent with each other, but the time you spend investing in loving/caring/encouraging each other. (in however way you do so)

And for some reason, friendships are important to me in the way i define them. And i don't think i'll change it. Yes, i'll love and always care about everyone i've known/gotten the blessing to know in the past few years of my life. But again, is it valid to hold onto that just because i want to? Maybe they don't even care about me! lol.

I guess what i'm trying to just release/get out of my system is that I care about my friendships. I care about what i can do for you in order for you to grow/mature, especially with God. And I expect to be surrounded by people that want the same for me and those around them as well. Is that so wrong..? When there is no communication, no proof of that love and care...would i even define us as being friends?

I honestly don't know anymore.

Week 7 Update

I don't know how much longer i can continue with weekly updates. But i promise i will try my super best since i have my dedicated followers of this blog..lol! :)

So i think i finally got use to the weather here...to the point where i stopped checking weather every morning (whichiusetodosinceiwasscaredofthosesingledigitdegrees) hehe. Even when i drive and see that my dashboard says 15 degrees or lower, i don't die of a heart attack anymore. Its quite normal now. (helpme) LOL but nonetheless, i think i'm getting adjusted to this cold lifestyle.

I'm already planning my drive back to new jersey though! My last final is May 15th, so i should be leaving literally right after or the next day early morning :) Super stoked since i'll be home for at least 3 weeks, depending on what job i get for the summer. I have so many things i want to do when i go back home..so many people to hang with too! eeeeeepp i'm getting excited just thinking about it. I'll also be driving back with wonton so that should be a fun kim-fam road trip :D LOL

Missions:
I am leaving SO soon!! I didn't know but i'm actually leaving Thursday March 6th..LOL at 8:30 am. I'm still financially not there yet..but Trinity is being super lenient with getting my money in..so i'm totally confident God will provide :) Just a quick update for those who are wondering how my financials are going with the trip, i raised $200 so far due to amazing people who have donated! (A hundred thank you's to those who contributed. I wouldn't even be at 200 if it weren't for you guys!!!) And by this Tuesday i need at least $600 so hopefully God will provide! And if you awesome..people would still like to donate, my support letter is below and the link to donate is:
https://www.formstack.com/forms/tiu_forms-missions_giving_los_angeles_2014

Again, (pre)thank you and love for all the people who have been praying me, giving me encouragements, and of course..helping me get there financially. You all have been truly a blessing, i can't even begin to express my gratitude.

AAANNYWAYS, i'm going on a retreat with my new church this weekend so i'm super excited! Like i said, it'll give me a chance to just bond with other members of the church finally, since fellowship after Sundays are a bit difficult. We're going to Lake Geneva..whatever that is..but apparently it's a cool retreat spot! Kinda like the poconos for us i guess. I'll be sure to give an update on that after i come back Sunday :)

Other than that..i'm doing awesome! Well, i think. LOL I'm just doing school work, watching ma kdramas, getting fat, and loving God. Appreciating every day that comes, which literally i do everyday. Everyday has been different, filled with new blessings and new appreciation of whatever comes! It's been an amazing journey thus farrr and i'm so happy that i've been keeping this blog to share with y'all.

It also makes me so happy to see everyone back at home just doing life, loving life, and keeping me updated! :) As much as i wish i was there with you guys, it's great to see from afar..and just getting a joyful high off of how happy i am for all of you. Always praying for each of you guys and i always know God has great plans ahead for each and every single one of you guys!
<3

Have an amazing weekend~ enjoy the snow if you guys get some..cause hopefully it'll be the last of it.. (crossingmafingers) hehe xo



Do Everything In Love, Always~
SK

Missions Support Letter

If you are my beloved friends and family, below is my support letter. I hate that i am not making this personal whatsoever, however..I really had no other way to reach other to all of you guys quickly! I appreciate you guys even reading this so pre-thank you to all. :') 

I only hope that you guys can help me in this journey to grow closer to Christ and envision what God has in store for me to further His Kingdom. I hope that we can encourage each other, pray for each other, and ultimately grow together in Him. Love you all~ but you guys already knew that heh.

To my beautiful friends and family:

I am more than excited to share with you guys that God has opened a door for me to finally go on a mission trip this Spring Break to Los Angeles with a small team from Trinity. I will be part of a team of 11 consisting of students and teachers.

 I am eager to see what God will do in both my team members and myself as we serve alongside our community partners (BUMP). While we are staying in Los Angeles, we will be within the Pico-Union community with the Evangelical Free Church (EFC) of Los Angeles.  I was convicted to choose this specific location because of the urban context. While this community is just on the other side of the freeway of the Staples Center and L.A. Convention Center, it is a completely different world.

            The purpose of our mission trip is urban ministry in a cross-cultural context. We will be exposed to the realities of working in an urban environment and be given opportunities to put it into practice. We will be focusing on the children and youth, providing school tutoring, ESL, and projects the local churches need assistance with. With doing so, we hope to gain a personal understanding of what it takes to be out in the urban mission field. We also hope to gain a radical personal growth in ourselves and our relationship with Christ, our team members, and also the community.

            As many of you know, being out here in Trinity is a new experience for me. I hope to develop relationships with my team members while exposing myself to a whole different world. As I am learning how to love more and “do everything in love,” I have high hopes that God will reveal His love for his children in a new refreshing way that will only deepen my love for people.

           

            With that said, I hope that you will be a part of my support team! There are many ways you can help as I serve in LA. First, the most valuable support you can offer is your prayer. I really mean it! I can go there with everything planned yet not be fruitful. Here are just a few prayer requests:

·      Please pray that I will develop positive relationships with my team members and the community members.

·      Please pray that my team and I will have a heart of humble service and willingness to learn. Through our service, that the people we serve will be open to the Gospel.

·      Please pray for our local hosts and the ministries we will be partnering with.

·      Please pray that my team and I will raise 100% of our funding.

Second, I really need your encouragement and concern. Not only do I need your personal experiences if you can share any, I really would love to strengthen our relationship with each other through Him.

Third, I am responsible to raise financial support for the cost of the trip. There are just a few weeks remaining until we leave, and I am in need of your financial support! The total for this 10-day mission trip will cost $1100, which will cover airfare, living expenses, and ministry fees.  If you would like to support the team and myself financially, Trinity has made an easy way to donate online! Please use the following link to proceed with any donations as soon as possible! (Donate) There are no words to describe how much I appreciate any support and love.

Thank you for partnering with me and making all of this possible.

In His Love,

Sarah Kim

B L E S S E D

It literally brings me to tears when i think about all the amazing support i've received not just recently, but my whole life. I think sometimes my emotions get the best of me and i have moments where i think no one cares...(whichithinkwe'reallguiltyof) BUT~ When i really think about it, God has given me such amazing beautiful people that endlessly support and encourage me. What have i done to deserve any of this?!?!! You people, you beautiful people..are amazing.

I guess this is kind of a dedication/thanks/shoutout~

NEWSONGfam: You guys have been 100% supportive of every move every action i've done since..ever. There are so many of you guys that have just always gave me love and support, even through my crazy bi-polar stages. I love you all so much and i appreciate all you've done. Especially for those i've kept in contact with...mad love for you guys. I pray for you guys daily and am hopeful for the plans God has in store for you. I'm always praying for ALL you guys and i know God has huge huge plans for newsong EM. I not only believe it..i know it. 

MABiddies: You know who you are~ All my friends back at home. My girls, my dudes, basically my fam. I love you guys. We've been through a lot together and i hope that i can still continue to be there for you guys even when i'm far away. Always feel free to reach out to me, i'm no stranger~ I'll be glad to drop anything and everything just to hear you rant/talk/whatever. Thank you for all the words of encouragements, you don't know how much the littlest things mean to me. I see what God is doing in each other your lives and i'm so excited to see it just flourish and grow exponentially in the next few years. And especially to those who have been my spiritual encouragement since 2010..thankyou. I don't know what else to say but that. God has truly blessed me with you guys and all of you guys are in my life for a reason~ I hope that we can continue to bless each other and help each other grow in His love and in His kingdom.

UNIQLOfam: This really is dedicated to Kelly..(hi) LOL You've been so supportive of me since day 1. Ever since i started coming into your office bothering you and hannah, you both have been amazing! Thank you for all the support, love, and tough love! I seriously am so blessed to have met such a wonderful boss that took care of me more than just an employee. YOU are the bomb.com <3 I promise i will watch that day off movie thing one day..for you. haha! :) And HANNAH~ I love you, you crazy you! haha! I appreciate all the phone calls, the updates, and endless support! You've been such a great friend and i love you for all you are. And all the other awesome people i've met, thank you for keeping in touch, always sending me love. I'm hoping and praying for the best for all of you guys! Hope you continue to grow in the company and really show em what you got ;) <3

fAbuLouSsistas: From my bigs to my pledge sisters, to all my other sisters..thank you for all the support. For those who read this/dont~ Im truly blessed to have met such a great group of girls. Without you guys, i wouldn't have been here today. I hope i can be supportive of you guys from afar and never lose touch! Thank you for ALL the love you've given me since the day i walked into TH34. (orwasit36?) LOL~ I won't forget freshman year spring 12. Alpha Alphas<3 

FBstalkers: HA jk...but really, to those people i've kept in touch through fb, social media, or even just texting, i love y'all. Reading my blog, liking my posts, and just anything encourages me to see that people are reading what i'm sharing and hopefully spreading the Gospel little by little. Don't be afraid to ever ask for prayer requests or anything~ i'm always open to hear from anyone!

KIMfam: oh 엄마...I hesitated putting this for you since you'll ever read it..but i want the world to hear how amazing you are. You are literally my number 1 everything. You're my best friend, my therapist, my prayer warrior, my financial support, my mother. Thank you for everything you've done the past 21 years..i don't know how you dealt with me! You are always so supportive in every action everything i do~ although i may seem crazy sometimes, you just find it in your heart to believe everything i do and say..and just pray for me constantly. I truly believe you are heaven sent by God and you are my mom for a reason. We may not have the best family situation, but having you and 오빠 in my life is all i need. And onto my brother..my awesome brother~ thank you for everything you've done for me since the day we started getting closer :') You're seriously the best brother i could ever ask for. Thanks for all the tough love and support you've given me. You're the main reason i'm here in Illinois so cheers for a new life together!!! Kim fam will do good in the midwest, i feel it~ God has great plans for you, even if you feel hesitant at times and think He's not there. He's been here always rooting for you~ hwaiting! <3 love you...and to my crazy cousin Ann<3 hehe i don't know if you read this..but HAYYY~ i miss you! I know we just started to keep in touch this past year..and i wish we could have done it sooner. All those years ive missed out on ! You would have been an amazing support during my highschool years..dammit. LOL. But anyways thank you for always being such a great 언니<3 You're always spoiling me and loving me~ thank you so much for bringing back the meaning of what "blood" means. You're awesome love yaaaa and rollie.. <3

all in all..mad love for all you guys. I'm here today because of most of you guys and i can't thank you guys enough. I truly truly am so blessed i can't evenoifjdiofgjdsklfjdsiofds explain. hehe.

have a lovely weekend y'all and God bless. <3

Do Everything In Love, Always~

SK

Week 5/6 Update

Today actually marks the 6th official week here in the windy state. Left my jersey home at 5:30 AM January 9th....seems like months ago. On that note, i miss my mom like crazy. I've been sick since Sunday night..and being sick with no one to take care of you really stinks :(
Its true what they say..you don't know what you have, till its gone.
I use to freely call my mom whenever i was sick to bring home medicine, gatorade, and make me some 죽 and i'll be better in no time~ it's truly a tough world out here being alone. my brother is no help either -_- LOL. My conclusion? I told my mom i just need to hurry up and get married so i have someone to take care of me out here hehe. (jk...butnotreally)

School:
Anyways, like i said, school has really been picking up. Had my first exams this week and a lot of assignments due... but i got an A on my first Philosophy test!!!! I'm not one to brag..but i literally hate philosophy and thought i was going to fail. So, all glory to God. Definitely didn't do it on my own ! I'll be getting my other exam back tomorrow...dundundun..i'm scared for my results for this one. If i even got a B, then legit God has done sometime and made me an awesome guesser! It was Old Testament but man it was tough! Does anyone know what major event happened in Numbers 11? 14? How about in Exodus 4? 헐...i just need to study more next time :/
Other than that..school is aiiighttt~ just need to start working harder since the workload is picking up.

Missions:
Here is a quick update on what my missions is going to be:
When: March 7th - 15th
Where: LA~ Pico-Union Neighborhood (huge crime rate..PRAY FOR ME) hehe. We will be staying with the local church in that area. And we're sponsored by EFCA BUMP (Bridging Urban Mission Partnerships)~ 
What: We will be doing after school tutoring, food distributions, working on projects with the local church, and a bunch of other things with the family and children of the neighborhood. The focus is to really expose ourselves to the realities of a urban neighborhood and what it is like to work in that environment as well. 
Why: I've said why a few times in my blog updates, but i think my main reason is to learn to love people more. Being in Illinois is already a huge change for me to learn to love different types of people (apart of us eastcoast biddies) and going into an urban setting would help me even more. Again, like i said, God has been revealing to me since last summer how to love more. I think this will be another great experience for me to learn so much about urban missions as well as learning to love God's children and giving back. 

With that said, i hate asking for anything, especially for myself..but i do need your help! I will be able to send out proper support letters if any of you'd like. Feel free to text/call me or FB message me or just shoot me an email. :) I need your prayers, encouragements, and of course financial help. The trip itself only costs $1100 but i need all the help i can get! I am a broke college student, that just wants to learn and experience as much as i can in the next 3 years. I haven't been looking for a real job because i want to concentrate on my studies/my relationship with God..so yeah! I hope that you guys can help me. My school makes it super easy to donate through a website: https://www.formstack.com/forms/tiu_forms-missions_giving_los_angeles_2014
I won't know when you guys have donated until a bit after so if you guys do help, i promise i'll give my thanks~ i seriously would appreciate anything! even encouraging texts will help :)

PRE-THANKS~ Thank you guys for reading this and for praying for me, financially helping me, and loving me ! But seriously even if you guys don't donate its fine..BUT PRAY FOR ME! I'm super worried since its my first mission trip in like 5 years and it's with a group i'm not super comfortable with. Basically strangers. So please pray for meeee :D

Other than all that...Babysitting has been good! I babysat for 2 lil kiddies on valentines day and last night and they're the best. I really enjoy it because it gives me experience with working with children and helps me to step outside my comfort zone. It's also a change from a crazy fulltime job~ get to relax, enjoy, and do things at my own pace.

I will also be going to my new churches retreat next weekend~ I'm excited because it will give me an opportunity to get to know the singles ministry better. Hopefully it'll be a good time to bond and create deeper relationships!

And...i guess daz it for now. Hope you guys back home are well! Hit me up with hellos, prayer requests, and updates please :) I'd love to catch up with all of you guys reading this.
love ya lots xo


Do Everything In Love, Always~
SK

God Is Love

"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:8)

God's love is always perfectly holy, and his holiness is always perfectly loving.

His love is so personal that he had personal relationships with HIMSELF before with us.

I love this passage from a book i'm reading says: 

"There is one God, but this one God has never been alone. God was love within himself before he ever created a world to love, for within Himself, the Father loved the Son and the Son loved the Father and the Holy Spirit Himself was caught up in this unity of love. God existed eternally in this unity of love, loving Himself before he ever loved any of us." (Evangelical Convictions)

I just love love love that. The Father loved the Son. The Son loved the Father. And all the while..The Holy Spirit was all up on this whole love thing too! He is literally the definition of love.

Also in John 17: 5,24 - "Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory i had with you before the world began...the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world."
WOW

God is love. With that, we were given His Son, who died on the cross (displaying the greatest love of all) and through Him, we're able to have that relationship with God. We can't get to the Father unless through Christ, who beared it all. He wanted us to have an eternal union of love and life.

Anyways, this just reminds me of where my love needs to come from. My aim for this new year is to love with not my own human love, but God's love. Which is really the only true form of love.

Without God, you don't have love. Or at least the kind of love that is ultimately true.

Seriously, thank you God for never failing to showing me how to love even deeper than i do~ I'm so far from where i need to be and i hope i continue to grow in YOUR love.

I hope all of you guys reading this got butterflies, chills, & craziness as much as i do when i'm reminded of His beautiful romance, even with Himself.

Do Everything In Love, Always~

SK

2/16 RT

God works in such mysterious funny ways.

For all the things i've wanted, longed for, dreamed of, and prayed long and hard for, i still never realize that it all comes in God's timing and will.

So as much as i long for something, pray for something, i can't fight this life/destiny/God's will.
It is what it is.

So thanks God! You're always 943078493 steps ahead of me. You've never failed me, you're not going to start now :)


& a belated happy birthday shoutout to my beautiful beau, Michelle You. You're amazing and i thank God for putting such an amazing loving woman of God in my life. You're truly such a great example of someone who just loves God and lives life for Him, trusting Him.
lots of love and prayers are always headed your way~ love you <3

Anyways, have a wonderful sunday my loves!


Do Everything In Love, Always~
SK

God loves:

God loves you.  God loves me. God loves all of His children.
"Nothing you can do, can make God love you more.
Nothing you can do, can make God love you less."

We as humans have this competitive edge. We also have a conscience.
With both of those, we either try to do "good" deeds and be a "good" person to get on God's good side.
And then we also feel super guilty and think that we're not worthy of His love when we sin/mess up.
but HEY. Like i said, we're humans. And n e w s f l a s h: God loves you nonetheless.

Ephesians 1: 3-4 (NIV): "Praise be to the God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight."
HE CHOSE US! Yep. So in our favor, He chose YOU. He loves YOU.
And better yet, it was all before creation.

This was again, just a lovely reminder of just how awesome He is. So whatever place you guys are at right now spiritually, just know this. He loves you and He's always there waiting for you. Whether you like it or not! You can't even fight for His love and attention or to be on His "good side" because you already are. You also can't mess more than you already have, that doesn't let Him love us continuously.


ANYWAYS, happy thursday guys. Hope that encouraged you a bit in this crazy snowy weather for you east coast loves. We have an awesome God don't we? Let's share that love He has for us to everyone else now. Carry His name well, and know He loves you no matter.

And heres a random selfie in the midst of my quiet time/studying because i have zero attention span :) and it's really just for eunice ahn. hehe

i look crackedout/tired with this black & white effect. hehe oh wells

Have a good valentines day, single awareness day, and a happy friday

xoxo


Do Everything In Love, Always~
SK

Shalom Already, Not Yet

I just wanted to share a lecture that we learned last week in my Foundations of Christian Living and Thinking class. We covered the basics of creation, fall, redemption, and consummation. With those 4, my teacher (Dr. Laurie Matthias) compared those with the four types of shalom.

For those who don't know what shalom means, it generally means "peace." Or as some might think, "life...as it should be." With that said, here are the four different types of shalom.

Creation: Shalom --> "peace, perfect happiness, harmony" - Cornelius Plantinga
AKA when God created the heavens and earth- along with all creation, including us.
Fall: Shalom Shattered --> Not at peace, brain is crazy, conflicts, broken relationships. "not the way it ought to be."
AKA when Adam & Eve, human kind first sinned. 
Redemption: Shalom already, not yet. --> bible says that you already have shalom as a believer in Christ. However, not yet ! You have it, yet you're not complete. You still struggle with sin.
AKA Christ died for us! We are redeemed.
Consummation: Shalom Restored- We would get to this place of restoration when Christ comes down again.

So where are we exactly in this timeline? Yep~ We are in the redemption phase, aka, SHALOM ALREADY, NOT YET.
I just love how my professor put it. We have the shalom, yet because of this secular world we live in and all the sin we're covered in, we're not completely there yet.

So then she asked us a few questions: What do you hope for this week? This month? This semester? Next 5 years? Next 10 years? With all those answers, there were temporary wants, then what we hoped for in our lifetime. But...If you got what you wanted (all of the things you hoped for from above), what would you have that you soul really wants?

With that said, i realized that while we wait for Shalom Restored, we must continue to hope in God. Because we're already redeemed, we now just need to make our lives filled with things our soul wants- not what we temporary want. Also, because of consequences from the fall, we're going to have a lot of trials.

But as James 1: 2-3 says: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."
He says consider it pure joy ....how many of us can say we're jumping up & down for joy when trials come? I don't know about you guys, but i am angry and hopeless. This just is yet another reminder from many passages in the bible that God knows what He's doing. (duh)

So even with trials, we need to realize that we're living in the Shalom Already, Not Yet. So we're restored, God is with us, and we have Him by our side rooting for us, blessing us, molding us, and just overwhelming us with his grace. We just gotta keep holding to the NOT YET part and realize that until Jesus comes down, we need to keep pushing.

Idk if this all made sense to you but i really wanted to share it. I just loved how she compared the creation, fall, redemption to all of those different "shalom" ~ Especially for me, i think of Shalom and i automatically think of Jewish people. LOL i was very sheltered in my christianity and i'm learning a lot..don't judge ! haha. But yeah this just gave me a lot of encouragement not only from reminded myself that we are restored and we have peace even with trials, but He knows what He's doing! He has this whole plan, and we're just in the midst of it all. We just need to continue to push forward and keep our heart, eyes, hopes, and just everything on Him.

ANYWAYS, sorry eunice, i'm not posting a selfie, but heres another post for you to read. hehe.
Thanks again everyone for reading. Hope this helps in any way possible :) Have an awesome rest of the weeeek! ALMOST THERE!


Do Everything In Love, Always~
SK

Week 4 Update

It's been officially over a month since i've left my beloved home. Oh jersey/201/bergen/eastcoast~ i miss you everyday.

However, i've been doing well! or so i hope~ like i've said before, i've been getting busier with the school load, getting myself slowly involved in floor activities and trying to be more open.

School:
Theres not much to say besides the fact that i'm learning so much. Sometimes i think that maybe i don't have what it takes to be a youth pastor because of all that it takes..but i'm way too passionate to have doubt now! Also, each day, even though i realize that it's a lot tougher than i had imagined, my love and passion for it grows. I can't wait to just give love to future junior/senior high students.

I actually just realized too that i really have a heart for the korean-american churches~ with all the corruption in it since probably a few generations before me, i want to be in God's plan to not necessarily fix it..but definitely to go through the healing process. I've been there so maybe it's just more relatable but i definitely want to focus on us korean-american teens.

Missions
We haven't met yet after the first time due to everyones conflicting schedules..but i'm not too worried! Although it is Trinity's first time in LA, i believe that God will help us to just do our part~ even if it doesn't seem so organized or structured. For some reason, i'm not freaking out..i just have a feeling that this mission trip is more than just doing physical things but just showing these people love.

Church
I finally connected with someone for once! hey girl if you're reading this..LOL. But it was her first sunday too at Calvary so we bonded right away by the awkwardness and courage it takes to try out a new church. Especially her~ She came by herself to mad props to her.
It was such a breath of fresh air. Finally having something in common and same lingo (although she grew up here). We just had so much in common it was so refreshing. Now i have someone to go to the retreat with and hopefully we both can help each other get more involved in this new church and grow in our relationship with Christ.


Other than that, everything is good! I'm trying my best to not get so lazy with the free hours i have in a day...i spend way too many hours watching kdramas! I get all my work done way in advance so that makes me think i can do whatever. But i know i should be studying/reading more to get myself ahead~ so trying my best to be more active!

With that said..i might join a gym...LOL i know. But with all this free time, i feel like i can do soooo much! Spending my days in my bed and the library aren't fun anymore..so i hope i can update you guys soon with news that i joined a gym.

This past week i tried Chick-fil-A for the first time after nagging my brother to finally get dinner with me :) i love bothering him..except he already has friends and won't hang out with me..wompwomp.

instagram pics of the week:

 Obviously it isn't healthy, but it seemed better than a chicken sandwich from mcdonalds so i was pleased :)

For an early valentines day, our community night consisted of eating lasagne, salad, brownies, and cupcakes~ all the while stuffing it in our faces watching valentines day then something borrowed. 

On that note, for those celebrating Valentines day, hope you guys enjoy. My #singlegirlswag haterade is over (never really existed) and i wish all my best friends relationships the best. WOAH yep. i said it. 

(butseriouslytheguybettertreatyoulikeaqueenonthisdayandeverydayorelsehelldieinmyhands) hehe.

Thanks for always keeping up on this blog and i'll try to post more!

miss you and love you guys back home for reading this.

& to my newsong fam, my big, my sisters, and everyone else back home- hope you're doing well! i know i don't talk with all of you daily but i appreciate all the love and support i've been getting since my journey of coming here. Like i say, keep in touch, please :)

love you all xo

Do Everything In Love, Always~

SK

Beauty in the Broken

This might come off a little too personal/really long so don't read on if you don't care heh.


So tonight i went to the women's ministry on campus tonight and they were starting a new series about "Identity." Today's main focus was "Redeemed...with a Purpose."
I forgot her name but the guest speaker just shared her life story and then testimony, struggles, and current present. Obviously it was very general because how can you really sum up your whole 25 years of life in 1 hour? The main points she brought out really struck out to me. For some reason, the words that were coming out of her mouth seemed like it was words i might one day say myself.

There wasn't a huge climatic event or tragedy that happened in her life..but from what it seemed, her childhood until late teens was tough. They were different scenarios but the emotions seemed to match up to my own past. And thats when it happened. I immediately tried to just push my memories of my past back where it belonged.

This is something i learned about myself recently. I tell my friends and others all the time to talk about whats going on, engage in conversations that will better your current emotions, vent, and let others know whats going on. If you know me, that is just one thing i absolutely hate! I will stay up hours and do whatever i can to try my best to help you talk it out and try to even talk it out of you! ...But i just don't feel comfortable calling up someone or reaching out when i need it. Yes i'll rant and talk about the facts. But will i actually let everything out? Nope. never. lol. So yes i know i need to take my own advice but it is just so dang hard!

A quick back story..
Before coming to Trinity, i knew that although God will have amazing things planned for me..there will also be a lot of struggle. One of the struggles will be confronting my past. I knew that the steps i needed to take to become a leader in His kingdom involved a lot of forgiveness, confrontation, and healing. 

One thing the girl mentioned was that God didn't give me struggles to just get rid of it. If He wanted us to forget about it and never let it affect us...why would we even go through them? Not saying that he purposely creates horrible situations that we're faced with but...the things that happen to me don't define me. What i do with it ultimately defines what i become.

Because i had a tough childhood and i didn't feel loved growing up doesn't mean that i'm not loved by God or by people. Doesn't mean that i'm going to let my ugly past affect whats happening now. So yes, i definitely need to come face to face with it and come to terms with a lot of the baggage i have..but i know there was a purpose to it all. And for future things that may come up, i just have to remind myself that i'm just living in the story God is telling. He has a plan for me and as long as He's the story writer, i'm in great hands.

And whatever purpose it is for..i know that just like the girl who spoke to us today, i will one day get there. She still struggles with her relationship with her dad but her heart was healed throughout the years. Now she gets to connect with young girls and boys who grew up in similar situations as she did. She gets to ministry to those who she can relate to. She gets to show them that it gets better. How awesome is that? There is just so much beauty in that. Man oh man. That really got to me.

I use to tell myself that in the past too though. I use to say, "hey sarah! right now..things really suck. like really really suck. And you didn't do anything to deserve all of this..but you know, there are going to be tons of people that will need your unfortunate but blessed testimony once you get through it. Survive, and let them know that all it takes is trust in God and knowing that out loving God will never forsake you." --- Although i said all of this constantly just to keep myself going, it just really clicked today.

She didn't let her situation, family upbringing, childhood, or any of that define her. She allowed herself to be defined in God and in what He had in store for her (it was music for her :)) With that, she can just embrace her past, and let it help others around her. That's the kind of God we serve and know. A loving, a just, a compassionate God.

But something was just weird.......maybe it was seeing someone actually be in front of me..who went through all of that but still managed to go to school far from home (kinda like me !), learn what unconditional love meant, fall in love, get married, and go through all the inbetweens that lead her trinity tonight. I suddenly got emotional. For some reason, i felt like i was undeserving.

Before y'all get crazy! The reason i felt that way wasn't because i felt like it was something that would never happen to me. No. That was the issue. I believed with my full heart that i was going to be okay. More than okay actually! I literally believe and know that God has an amazing future for me. I don't know why i'm so confident! But I know that God will bring me to places i never imagined. I know He'll teach me lessons that will mold me. I know that He'll bring me loving amazing people..and eventually a loving man of God and family that i never imagined. He will exceed my expectations and more. And thats where my discomfort was. Do i deserve it? I don't even think that is the right way to describe it. I just felt like it was too good to be true~ but then again i knew it was true!!!

BUT ...again i don't think my life will be without struggle till the day i die! ha! life would be way too easy then. But i do know that even with the struggles, there is beauty in it. We, as people who stumble and fall daily..can bring out that pain and hurt-- and make it a part of us- A part of us that eventually made us stronger and into the woman/man God wants us to be.

Yeah sooo i warned you! For those who read this whole thing, thank you..you guys must be bored! LOL~ Just playing. Please talk to me. I'd love to just share more and really pray for the both of us! all of us! Another thing, if you guys have any prayer requests, please fb message, cmmt as anonymous, text, call, etc. I'd love to pray for you and with you! It's really amazing to see how God works to bring out the good in all He does.


Do Everything In Love, Always~
SK

Week 3 Update

hi friends! miss you all tons and tons. I realized i might have FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out?) Michelle asked me if i had this..and i guess i do! Seeing pics of my friends hanging out makes me so sad i'm not there. But what can i do~ I'm here, and y'all are there. But i'm glad everyones doing so well back at home. Makes me wish i was there to celebrate this awesome life with them.

School:

I've been getting more adjusted this past week~ I'm slowly getting the jist of what my teachers expect of us and when all my assignments are due/when my tests are. As i've said before i'm learning a lot so i'm super excited to just continue learning.

Like i said last week, i was off mon & tues so it was a great 3 day week! And this week we have friday off so i'm excited for that~ blessed man! haven't had a full week of school yet... #PTL 

I've been getting to know some of the people a little more..but like i said, a lot of freshies in my class and i'm the biggest loner (by choice) LOL so yeah, it'll take time ! But i do love a few people i've met. Really solid God loving people. Hopefully God will lead me towards awesome people.

Missions:

I'm excited to give you guys more information on my missions trip to LA this spring break! I'll be gone from March 7th-15th. I learned that we'll be in the Pico-Union of LA~ It is populated with a lot of Latinos and minorities. We'll be in the El Salvadorian community basically. I forgot the names of the program and church we're staying at but i'll give some basic deets.

We'll be staying at a church which is IN the community (so cool)~ so these people that made the church (100 years this year) learned to live with the people they wanted to reach out to and just do life with them. It's awesome to hear because usually we hear of missionaries going once or twice to a community and helping out~ but these people are literally living with them. They have bought several houses in the community that house members of the church as well as discipling college students (Nehemiah House!!) 

During the 10 days we're there, we'll be teaching some of the younger kids in the area, just spending time with them, outreaching in a park nearby, and other activities the team leaders are currently figuring out. They emphasized that its mainly to just be with these people of the community. 

I'm super excited to be going on this trip..like stated last time, it's awesome to be doing it in such a huge city, so well-known..but to be in an area where it's really not so great and people need the help and support. I'm just excited to see what God might have in store for me..and be exposed to different communities that just need God's love and our genuine hearts.

I will be sending out support letters as soon as i can and i hope you guys will support my trip! 

Church:

So i've been going to Calvary the past 3 weeks ! So far i really like the people..i think i'm just such an introvert that it's so hard for me to get to know new people! Esp if they have no mutual friends with me! And back at bergen, everyone knows everyone so it's kind of the best way to start up a convo. However..its not the case here! But nonetheless, a few people have reached out to my brother and I, and we're getting to know them slowly.

We went to one of the members houses tonight to watch the superbowl & just hang out! it was fun seeing how they interacted with each other outside of church~ super cool and laid back..definitely the type of people i've been wanting in my life (like newsong..but not really heh) They're a funny group :)

And heres a pic i sent to my cousin (hi ann) while my brother and i were together today hehe

i really love being able to hang out with him weekly. It went from twice a year to every week! How great is God? Who knew that he would join the navy..be stationed here in IL...choose to be here for 4+ years..and i'd just pop on in and decide to do life here :O hehe

Also, there was a summer camp fair this week so i got a chance to meet with a few christian camps that came by. They need staff members and a lot of them pay $200 weekly + room and board so i'm definitely applying to a few so pray for me lovelies! That'll give me great experience with high school kids and just work experience. They're all over the states though (Kentucky, Colorado, Wisconsin) so it's going to be another learning experience for me..let's see what God has in store !

I'll continue keep you guys updated..thanks for reading (for you dedicated stalkers + the beautiful eunice ahn..thank you for your endless love<3) :) hehe have the best week guys! 

Do Everything In Love, Always~

SK