Wednesday, December 31, 2014

I'll miss you 2014.

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You will call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior"

I rang in 2014 with this song in my heart. The idea of stepping out of faith, literally without borders was a foreign concept to me before 2014. 

To recap this past year:
- Move to Illinois
- Study Ministry for a semester
- Urban Missions to LA
- Get a job
- Birthday in California
- Come back home
- Get promoted TWICE within a matter of months
--- And to cap everything off, i met the most amazing people throughout all these events. At Calvary, Trinity, and work place...I've met such genuine, loving people-- whom ALL God placed in my life for specific reasons.

While this all seems like a grand scheme of my restlessness and maybe even a symptom of being a confused girl in her 20s-- Don't confuse yourself. They were all just near glimpses of what God has in store for me. It's amazing to think that this is just the beginning of all the blessings He has in store for me. And it all just started out with faith. Faith that has no borders, faith that made me have complete trust in just answer His call.

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
He is like a tree planted by water,
that sends out its roots by the steam,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit."
Jeremiah 17: 7-8

BLESSED is the man who trusts in the Lord. DOES NOT FEAR when heat comes. IS NOT ANXIOUS in the year of drought. As some of you know, i've had my huge UPS! andddd a lot of downs. This year as a whole was filled with endless blessings, reminders, and challenges. Although i admit there were a few instances where i literally had no idea what i was doing...i never stopped believing and trusting God. Throughout my confusion, the one thing that kept me rooted was that FACT that God has a plan for me. Whatever good, whatever bad, comes my way...He is with me.

2014..i'll miss you dearly. You were so good to me, and so good to all those around me. You're definitely one for the books, one that i'll think of the rest of my life. One that i'll always go back to, when i need a reminder of His love and grace.

SOOOO to ring in the new fabulous 2 0 1 5 -- what better way than to ring it in with this song and bible verse once again. Romans 8 has also been a huge part of my devotion to God this year as...all about that perseverance!! And with that, 2015... i'm ready for you. Whatever challenges you have coming my way..whatever great blessings you have in stored for me, i'm ready.

Happy happy new year everyone! Praying, hoping, and wishing you all a fruitful, joyful, loving year! I'm so utterly grateful for everyone who stuck out 2014 with me..And I hope you all can trust in God, just as i did-- maybe even more :D I know it's easier said than done..but once it's done---man oh man, you are in for a rollar coaster of blessings! Whether its moving to a new state, or just coming out your comfort zone just a whee bit. He is with you. Trusttttttt~

Much love, much hope-- 


Saturday, December 6, 2014

Emotional Inventory

As i sat through a sermon this past Sunday, i was reminded how significant my consistent blogging this past year has been(except the recent months).

Emotional Inventory is what the Pastor called it. He emphasized how important an emotional inventory is ...DAILY. Not just once a month, or even just once a year. But a daily habit we must take on.

Whether it's writing your emotions/feelings down in a blog, journal, to a friend, etc -- have an outlet of communication. Only then are you able to acknowledge and come to terms to how you really feel.
Majority of the time, we're stuck avoiding what we're really feeling due to how "busy" we get after a situation occurs -- not allowing time to feel.

Don't let it get to a stage where you end up...let's say, running away to another state to avoid your problems/feelings all together ...heh. (yes, i'm talking about myself.) -- and that's a post for another day.
But it really does build up. Work, friends, family, and so many days past by being too "busy." that one day you become confused to how you really feel, as opposed to what your actions or even heart may have intended.

Emotional Inventory: Take a few minutes a day..of silence, or with some nice background music of your choice. Let yourself comprehend what's been happening in life, and allow yourself to let the emotions hit. F e e l what you want to, S a y what you want to - communicate it verbally, or tucked into a journal. That way, you at least can say you're emotionally healthy, and aware of how you're feeling and what you should do with those feelings (in the most logical, rational, healthy way).

My best form of emotional inventory? Talking to God in the shower, drives to/from work, etc. Anytime i have alone time, i try to always fill the space with music or some distraction. But these days, i've been trying my best to just talk to Him-- trust me, it helps ;)

And on another note, 2014 is come to a near end. I've said this the past 2 times i've blogged sporadically, but i hope to write soon my friends. Hope you all are so so good and well.


Wednesday, October 1, 2014


When we feel a burning sensation from heat or fire, we immediately retract. We want to quickly get our skin away from that pain-- that future burn.
Is that what happens in terms of relationships?
Once we feel an oncoming rejection...or a feel a slight chance of getting hurt...we retract.
(that may have been a bad analogy because no one likes getting physically burned..but ya feel me right?)

I personally feel myself doing this the second i sense i'm putting more effort into a relationship. The second i come to a realization that i'm the "better" friend or see that they don't put even half as much effort in as i do...I draw away from the relationship.

Granted that everyone with these steel walls has every reason to put them up (due to being hurt in the past) -- i believe in a positive future in every single one of our messed up lives.
Don't we all, as people who have gone through hell and back have a chance at this "happiness" everyone keeps talking about?

The real question is how do we get there? With the idea or self pre-caution that everyone you get too close to might be a fire that'll burn you...will you ever gain that happy state?  I highly doubt it. But being challenged with the idea of a "good christian" and then learning how to keep that status quo is not always easy. I wanted to be kind to everyone, but also not get taken advantage of! However, these past few months, i realized..that wasn't the real issue i should be focusing on.

I want the happy ending. I want to invest all i can in every relationship, risk being hurt, and get the most out of life. To treat others the way i'd want to be treated. To live a life worth telling others about..To be willing, intentional, spontaneous, and courageous. To be scared. To be nervous. But to never back out just because i'm scared of a little burn.

Whether or not your relationships are helping you isn't the issue. I've seen way too many people miss out on amazing opportunities, friendships, bromances, or even potential relationships because they were scared. Scared of that rejection or just had an unwillingness to try. Yes, there has to be some discernment in what relationships to partake in and i'd hope you're smart enough to know that much. BUT. Know this: without risking the chance of getting hurt in a relationship, you won't have people to enjoy the amazing life moments with. To make unforgettable memories-- to be challenged and to always becoming a better version of yourself.

As corny and over used this phrase is, "Carpe Diem" or "YOLO" it folks. If a year from now, you'll still care about what you're worried about today..then fine. Keep letting it worry your brain away. HOWEVER! If it won't, drop it. Today is filled with 24 hours. This very hour, or maybe the next- you can start fresh and start anew.

And...with that, i'd love to encourage whoever reading this. Yes, we may at first retract at any slight chance of getting hurt. Whether it is in relationships (most of the time it is) or in anything in your life, don't be scared. Be scared of the "what if" you'll be asking yourself down the road. Don't be reckless, but don't hold yourself back. We live and we learn, and the memories you make down the road will worth it.

Do everything and anything you want to today. And do it with no regrets. But most importantly...
do everything in love.


Wednesday, September 10, 2014

I am Yours, and You are mine

As i was reading a woman devo/encouragement, the writer said something that just gave me so many feels:
"Yours already knows where you are and what you've been through, and it brings Him joy to care for you."

like........ .... .. . what? I literally bawled. LOL - we are HIS. He is ours. And He knows all..and wants only to care for you, guide you, and love you.

I think we forget that we're being guided in this life by Him, and that we belong solely to Him. So as the Shepherd and Sheep analogy goes...we, being the sheep, sometimes wander. We wander without even realizing sometimes! Because we get distracted by the temptations of the world we're forced to live in temporarily..and sometimes we lose our way so far in, that we don't know how to get back.

However, i'm a firm firm believer that our Shepherd, whether He is always behind us making sure we don't stumble and hurt ourselves too much..or is actually in front of us as we follow Him unconsciously...we are always in His good hands.

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, i will never be shaken." Psalm 62: 1-2

He's our rock, our fortress, and we will never be shaken. Okay, we might be because sin and the world sucks sometimes..but we'll never fall. We'll never let go of His hands, even if we tried. Because we BELONGGGGG to Him!!! Legit. like...i don't really know how else to explain it. But we belong to Him, and because of that, He'll never let us go, and He'll never let us wander for too long and too far. 

I think it's just always important to know that we WILL wander. We live in a world filled with temptations left and right, He knows us well enough that we will. So He understands..and will still take you with eager, open, and excited arms. We just need to know when it's time to finally say, "alright God..i'm sorry for wandering..but i'm back! But it's been a while so can you help me?"
lmao..okay maybe that's my own version, but that's how it usually goes. And i probably wander more often than i should, but thank GOD we have a gracious, loving God...eep!

anddd with that-- I trust that i am in good hands for my return home. I know that He wants me home during this season in my life, and we'll see where He takes me! And i will wander again, and might get distracted many many times...but i hope my awesome community of brothers and sisters will whoop my butt and shove me back into place! #thataccountabilitydoe

to everyone back home, i'm stoked and excited for this new chapter. i hope you all are as well..! i promise to be kind and happy happy happyyyyyy :D hehe okay hope everyone has a victorious week! it's hump day, but that just means its closer to friday than yesterday. 



Tuesday, September 9, 2014

"See you later"

The past 8 months have been .. nothing but ordinary.
I packed up my life into my cute lil civic, and moved 800 miles away from home, and decided to start a new one. I made amazing friends, learned and grew so much, and learned to love this lil place i began to call home.

However, as i shared with very few of you, i am moving back jersey. (sad)
It was a super tough decision to make, but due to circumstances and personal things happening, i decided it was best to finally give up my stubborn act of "i'm never moving back home!!"

And I'm so blessed with awesome friends who guided me and talked me through these crazy decisions (thank you ladies) and who sat with me for hours as i ranted about my life and what my insane self is thinking. I'm blessed with the notion to know exactly when i have to make a decision and to be completely at peace with it once its made. And i'm so blessed to have God right by my side, letting me know..that everything is going to be okay.

But as i said, the past 8 months here in the beautiful (cold) chicago burbs have been unexplainable. Although i'm leaving...with things left unfinished and unsaid, and hopes of wanting to do more for people, it's been so surreal and a huge part of becoming who God wants me to be.

To everyone i met at calvary, trinity, and just people i met here and guys rock. I have to admit, you all are probably the best people i've encountered in my short 21 years of living. I don't regret coming here, because i know there is no "coincidence" with God. I know i was meant to meet you, and i was meant to invest into our relationships together. I learned so much about people, myself, and the goodness of His grace through you guys..and i'm forever thankful.

Seriously, SO much love to everyone i met from all have been an indescribable blessing to me. Coming into a new state with no friends except knowing my brother was tough..but you guys made every sunday worth it. You guys made every week and month go by, knowing that i'll soon be able to call you guys my friends. I'll miss all the laughs, jokes, talks, advice, and good eats with each of you. It's honestly been a heck of a ride and i'll keep you guys in my prayers always~

:( i'm actually really really sad to leave. So please, if i haven't told you already, reach out to me..i just didn't want to make it a big deal! I hope that we can talk and play before i leave next week (eep)

This is definitely not goodbye, but a simple "See you later" -- until the next chapter of sarah's crazy life. i'll be back to visit, or maybe even to come back to live. we'll see what God has in store for me.
but really... thanks for making me fall in love with the chicago burbs, and giving the best hospitality. midwest people, are truly amazing.

so much love and thoughts... xx

Sunday, September 7, 2014


Peace: freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility.
(defined from

Free from disturbance; quiet...and tranquility. That's all my heart wanted, and i finally got it.

I think sometimes, when our hearts are burdened and we feel suffocated, we need to make tough decisions. What will it take to relieve that stress and burden on our hearts? Do we already know what to do..? What will we lose? What will it take...

The past few months have been filled with life decisions i've made, and the past few years have been filled with many ups and downs. Nonetheless, i think all those decisions needed to take place in order to get me exactly where i am today. I don't regret anything i've done nor do i regret any horrible circumstance or amazing circumstance i was put in. I am a firm believer in the idea and notion that "everything happens for a reason."

Whether it was made to allow me to learn from a mistake, or to further my journey into this thing called "life," it ultimately helped me someway or another....into the "peace" i needed at this very moment. 

I also recently came across this quote, which then became my caption for my current prof pic:

"Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy."
And i just love that. To respect respect your own happiness. I think that once you make that decision to walk away from something that isn't right for you, even if it means you may have failed.. theres a moment of peace...a moment you recognize where.."everything is going to be okay." -- because up until that very moment where you decided what's ultimately best for you, your heart was frantic..your head was spinning, and you really didn't know if everything was going to be okay.

But the second you crossed that line, to make that stern decision (whatever that may be) -- there was peace. That burden was lifted. that headache, gone. that surrounding noise that's been spinning around your head? silent.

And to be quite honest, i don't think all of this happens unless you love and respect yourself enough to give yourself that. To give yourself a chance to make mistakes, but also to come closer to happiness. To come closer to the life that God ultimately planned for you. Because really, there is no wrong decision in this life...we all make bad choices eventually. But thankfully, we've got a God who makes even the worst situations...all part of His grand ole' plan.

And that's the thing about p e a c e. it doesn't mean that everything is okay..but i think it's a gift God gives us. The idea that even if it's not okay, you're one step towards the happiness we're all striving for. And that momentary peace that comes before another series of chaotic all the more meaningful when it comes again. 

Tuesday, September 2, 2014


s n a p   b a c k

it's just one of those days, one of those weeks
where nothing seems to be quite "right."

I think we tend to get into this depressed mood or an unsatisfied state of mind where we spend too much time thinking about what "could" be and what "should" be. We dream of a different life, we fantasize about how things can be better if we could just have this, do that, or be it.

maybe we just need to stop for a second --
to breathe. in and out. in and out.
just be still in this moment of clarity -- the clarity that reminds you that you're O K.
more than okay actually. you've survived worst times, you're actually doing quite well.

so all you need to do is s n a p b a c k into the reality that we live in.
To be okay with what is going on, and to continue to strive and persevere.

And to strive and persevere in my own personal life: to keep fighting this good good fight.
the fight we were all destined to go through -- living in this world while we're not of this world.

like i've said in previous posts, it's not always easy. God never promised it'd be a cake walk -- then we'd all be happy and fat. but its a tough one --
Oh but that joy...that lies ahead is ALL we need to keep striving. even i have moments of doubt, worry, and straight up ignorance that lasts weeks and i just have no idea anymore.

But to be quite honest, there is not a day that goes by, where i don't think about what i'm truly called to do, and what i desire the most: to love God and love people. it's as simple as that.
that is what keeps me going.

so heres the belated belated promised post: to s n a p back. snapback, and keep fighting.


Monday, June 30, 2014

Week 17-24 Update//Discpline

I have failed as a blogger. Sorry for the 7 week hiatus!
But i promise i'll write more. PROMISE.

Anyways, i had finals and then i went home for a bit so i hope you excuse the huge gap in my blog.
I hope you all have been goood~ it was good to go back home and have people already know what's been up thanks to this blog :) so for those who still follow it and read, thank you and i hope i don't bore ya to death :)

To quickly refresh you guys.. not that y'all care, but whateves heh
I moved into an off-campus place! Seriously, thank GOD. It was so last minute..4 days before I had planned to come back to illinois, i had my brother and rebecka look at a place i found through craigslist. I am seriously in God's favor because the family ended up being korean, the rent is super affordable, and it's in a great neighborhood.  Awesome.

I've been working more at Anthro...not as much as i'd wish because i'm use to 32-40 hour/week at Uniqlo..but hopefully i can pick up more hours! And the pay isn't great either so i've been struggling with that... However, i'm hoping to keep working hard to get a raise/promotion in a few months! I'm confident God wanted me at Anthro right now so i'm holding onto the hope that it'll suffice financially..for now. And i've been babysitting once a week so that's been my spark of joy midweek :D 

As for school, finished the semester...not sooo strong ..could have done better :/ ..but nonetheless, done with my first semester at Trinity! And it was a great one, to say the least. It seriously feels like just yesterday, i was packing my things into my lil tiny car, making my way to a new place, stepping out into the unknown....where God asked me to go.

Actually, rather than going more in depth about my superficial updates..i want to update my spiritual life. It's been half a year now, 6 months now, since i came here...and it's been a great journey. I grew so much spiritually, emotionally, mentally...and definitely learned a lot about myself. But for those who know me, i've always been known to be completely honest and blunt, so to be honest, at the spiritual life is definitely not the best.

I think after Easter, it's been a struggle. After being SO good, it's come to the point where i really need to focus on the discipline. I mean, i tell myself everyday that i need to pray more, read the bible more, love more, act kindly..more...LOL and all that jazz. It's gotten harder without the prayer and without the bible reading. So today was actually the first day in a while that i sat down and just read the word, reflected, worshipped, etc. And it was great. I always seem to want that daily, yet become so lazy that i put it off..that it becomes weeks until i do it again.

So i guess i'm just missing that set discipline needed. Because, as i've said many times earlier..our relationship with God, cannot be based on pure emotion. That fire, that emotional high you get after a retreat, revival, mission trip, etc...cannot be held onto. Our salvation cannot be based on how we "feel" at the moment!! Ahhg. I tell myself that all the time, yet fall into it eventually.
I think i tell myself everyday, "DISCIPLINE SARAH! Just open up the bible. Just spend some quiet time. DOOO ITTTTT" ...bahaha me, i don't always "feel" God. There are times i just want to just go crazy and live in this world. However, i am way too quick to deny that. I know it never fulfills me the way God does. So how can i discpline keep fighting this good fight. To not let the enemy take over my mind and allow myself to ignore my relationship with Him..

Again, to be completely honest, i don't know. But what i do know, is that God is by my side no matter what. That no matter what, He will never forsake me. He knows my heart and knows that i desire for Him..but He also knows that i live in this world, surrounded by distractions and temptations. Does that make it right for me to ignore Him..not at all. But, He is the gracious God we know, and i just need to trust that He'll always be there when i come back. And i do always come back! 

And if you've been reading my blog since day 1, i decided to follow Jesus. I decided to step out into the unknown, trust Him completely, and to surrender it all. That has not changed. I still have my full trust in Him, and Him only. I just get distracted time to time, but at the end of each day, i know whom i belong to. I know that i want to live for Him with the fullest, and with everything. 

So to offer up some sort of encouragement after that depressing update, which really isn't depressing at all...When fighting this fight, there will be times of hardship, questioning, dryness, and much more. But we knew that right?! Just keep fighting. It's been tough for me, especially not always being encouraged...but remember why you're here. Remember HOW you are there. Remember what God has provided for you and has done for you. And don't ever forget that He hasn't failed you yet- nor is He going to start now. And that's why i believe community is the most important. They're there to encourage you, and to let you not forget. I'm grateful and forever blessed with those God provided me with. To see others continue this race towards encourages me more than y'all know.
So please. Continue to fight the good fight. Continue to seek the Lord. Continue to fight for your eternal life. I'll be running with you guys :)

For any prayer requests, rants, chats, feel free to msg me. I'm always up for a great God convo.

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Road less taken

So since my last update was superduper depressing, i thought i'd give some encouragement...

So God never told me it'd be easy. He didn't promise me a happy jolly life filled with magical shiny things. He didn't say i'll be filled with complete satisfaction every second but he also didn't say that i was going to be alone. It's the road less taken.

He DID promise me that He'll take care of me. That as long as i trust Him, i will be okay.
So yes, i'll have a day or two (or more) where i'm super sad, discouraged, and even angry at this world/people...but i always somehow am taken back to the cross.

That God gave it all FOR US and that because we live in this fallen state, we are going to have troubles, seasons of dryness, and just straight up struggles. But while all that happens, our God, our Father, our amazing watching over us. Planning the next move, making sure that we are being taken care of. Why? Because He LOVES us. ^^

Makes me super happy thinking about how great our God is, and how no matter what i have, what i don't have, how sad or how happy i am...He's right there cheering me on, picking me up, and just watching out for me.
And that is the same for each of you guys reading this as well.

Trust me, it isn't easy. But life is a heck of a lot better with God on your side, loving you, drowning you in His grace. It truly has been an amazing past few months and i only hope to grow deeper.

Hope you guys are doing well and still fighting this amazing fight. Fight with me, let's pray, let's grow deeper, and just love like He loves. xx

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Wednesday, May 7, 2014


Misunderstood, or to misunderstand according to means to fail to interpret or understand words or actions of someone correctly.

Why do i feel like i'm always the one TRYING so hard to understand where people are coming from and trying so damn hard to just feel for them ...while i'm always misunderstood.

Why don't people ever see what i'm trying to say or do? Do i need to spell it out clearer for you? Are you that cynical? Or just dumb? Why do people have to be so damn discouraging? WHY

I HAVE NO BAD INTENTIONS. I never ever mean to do anything bad or harmful. UGH
I guess i care too much, love too much, and spend way too much time on people
and i guess that's my curse.

i hate everyone
done ranting

Week 15/16 Update

Officially less than 2 weeks and i'm homebound!!!! literally cannot contain my excitement. i miss my mom and everyone back home so much.

I'm just counting down the days till last day of class, which is this friday..and then last day of finals which is next wednesday! can't believe a whole semester has already gone by.
Didn't i JUST get here? Didn't i just blogged about "week 1 update" ?! #stopthistrain

anyways other than school, i started work! I'm still in training mode but they put me in the fitting room this past sunday and it was such a good feeling being back at it. I know i told myself i wouldn't do retail again, but it just feels good working again. I'm such a do-er that getting things done, being me some sort of weird high. LOL i was smiling the whole time just so so happy and blessed to be working in such a good environment too~ Management and all the associates are super sweet and nice from what i've seen #thankGod
happy team, ...happy life..? hahah

Still looking for housing for the summer but just trusting God to somehow keep me in your prayers pretty please! financially and in the relationships i hope to maintain/develop~ i hope that this summer will be one to remember- first summer in chicaggooooo woop!

bowling league has been fun! i've been sucking so much though :( i feel so bad for my team LOL literally bringing them down so much. i should at least be getting 110s but i've been in the 80-90 range HAHA fail. Cynthia, if you're reading'd be very disappointed. I need to get my skills back as if i'm playing with you/our group! i think because of the pressure i'm doing worse..womp. hopefully i'll do amazing the last monday i'll be participating in it! missing the last week but i'm pretty sure my team will do better without me hahah

other than life has just been filled with eating, sleeping, studying, and some more eating.
My walk with God is always challenging to keep up, but i'm still fighting! so i hope you guys are too, and staying encouraged. As i've repeatedly'll have times where you don't necessarily "feel" God- but trust me, He is by your side. He is holding your hand and has your back! All about appreciating the little things, noticing whats to come, and always being thankful :) that is what keeps me going~ need to constantly discipline myself! but it's been working, so i hope your walks have been consistent-ish too~

anywhoooo, i have a test tomorrow and i'm here babbling on about nothing. those who have finals, good luck! final stretch- you got this! and those who are slumming and dying at work, you got this too! look forward to the weekends and memories you make along the way :D

love all of you guys and feel free to send any prayer requests along! i'd be more than happy and grateful to pray for you. xx

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Thursday, May 1, 2014


"And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you." Romans 8: 11

w o a h -- can we all just read that REAL carefully...... if the Spirit of him who RAISED Jesus from the DEAD in living in you......he will also give LIFE to us.
So........the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead. Yeah, that guy? He's with us. What could we possibly NOT do then!?

I think it's easy for us to forget about how big of an army we have with us. God's on our side (wealreadywon) When the world gets loud and your comfort and love seems to be shrinking, just ask for help. Read any passage/pray a prayer and you'll be reminded of God's love. His Sovereignty. His Love. His Grace. His Mercy.

Since Holy Week, i've been slacking on my time with God. Even this week, i purposely ignored Him a few times because i just didn't feel like talking to Him. It's not always rainbows and butterflies for me too! This walk with God is a hard one- but i'm in for the long run because we already won this battle. I just need to keep on keeping on~ And it's always going to be like this. I'm going to struggle some days and be super victorious some days. Reality of walking this amazing, yet tiring journey with God- He's with us for sure, but it is going to be tough. But just as Romans 8:11 says...The same spirit that brought Jesus to life...lives IN us.  #weGOTthis.

When we're in trouble or suffering, it's easy to forget our God is FOR us. We tend to think everyone, including God is against us.'s totally not the case! Again, it's super easy to think that and i'm guilty of it as well. But...while talking with my mom tonight, she made a good point. Maybe our prayers aren't being answered- or at least certain ones...because He wants us to keep asking. He wants us to earnestly ask. I mean..seriously, we all believe He's a good God right? Well..what if He always gave us all we wanted every time we asked. Would we appreciate Him as much? Would we just use Him? Would we even acknowledge His true genuine love for us?

I don't think so. It's something i wrestle with all the time. Like..hey God, wanna answer some of my prayers?! Arg! It's so so easy to forget...that we have to do our part too. Earnestly Pray. Talk to Him. Tell Him your desires and troubles and complaints! He wants to hear us. He even says that if we don't know what to say, the Spirit will help us.

"We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8: 26b

That is seriously one of my favorite verses. Even when we don't know what to say or ask for...God will even help us there! So just DO IT first. Ask. Talk to Him.

Ask Him what is up!!! Whether your life is amazing or horrible, He wants to hear our voice. He is a jealous God and your relationship with Him is NOT one way. If it's easier (it is for me) think of your relationship with Him like a relationship with a human! like a best friend.
How would they feel if you didn't talk to them for days? Weeks? Months?
How would they react if you only came to them for things? Used them? Only complained to them...

Well, it's a friendly reminder for me to think of God like that. If He was actually like in human form front of me, how would i treat Him after all He's done for me? #foodforthought

This might be a repetitive thing i'll post but it's just a simple reminder for myself, and you guys all fighting the good fight..#DontForget. #DontForget that our Lord, our Father-- is WITH us. Even when we don't "feel" Him. And even when we don't, we just need to simple A S K.  :)

Well, i hope you guys have a good rest of the week/end! TGIF!
After tomorrow, i only have a week left of classes..then finals, then HOME BOUNDDDDDD :) wheeee~

Thank God for His constant reminder of His grace and love for me daily..because without it, i'd be going crazy and be depressed. hehe love you guys and miss you babies back at home <3 be well~

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Week 13/14 Update

These updates are getting harder to do...they seem so boring! LOL but for those who have been checking up on me through fb/blog, heres a quick update!

I GOT A JOB!!!! As a sales associate at Anthropologie :)
I seriously am so so so thankful and blessed. Words really cannot describe how i felt when i received the phone call. Even when i applied for the position, i doubted myself because i don't fit the anthropologie style but i just applied because i was desperate. I knew i wouldn't get it and just forgot about it. But 2 weeks later, i got an email saying to complete an online survey (which i was nervous about too) but then i received another email saying to come in for an interview the day after! It was so unexpected and i was so so nervous...i still am idk why. LOL

I seriously was praying all week and asking God to just be with me throughout the interview..i researched so much about the company too :x I seriously just felt like i wasn't good enough or fashionable enough for anthro- even though it's just a retail job, i just didn't feel qualified! But throughout the interview, He seriously helped me to carry out the conversation, be myself, and just be genuine in showing my character and work ethics. The manager and I clicked so so well i was so happy :) She told me at the end she'll let me know by end of day tomorrow her decision..she called me 45 minutes later apologizing that she just couldn't wait and wanted to offer me it right away! SERIOUSLY, how can i not praise God?!

But that's how i know it's all God. And it's so funny because every time i decide i want to take control of something or think that I was the one that made it happen, He tends to take it away or say no. Isn't our God funny? But whenever i put my trust in Him and simply ask Him to take over..He says YES CHILD! Here is what i want to give you- here is all the desires of your true heart :) hahaha. ahhh but it was definitely a humbling experience getting rejected to jobs that i really wanted and/or getting jobs that i knew weren't something i was looking for/would want. 

Again, i know it's just a retail position, nothing fancy..but i'm just so blessed that i got a job. And it wasn't anything i did that gave me was all God! Even my previous experience at Uniqlo, God gave me that job- helped me learn so much..and that helped me get this job! WOOP see what God does? :) tehe. i'm just so happy.

SO THANK YOU! For all who prayed for me about getting a job, thank you thank you thank you! All those prayers worked :) seriously...thank you. <3

anyways...that was a long job blurbbb but thats really the newest thing! 
I'm just working hard towards the end of the school year, still trying to figure out what i'm going to do this summer, but at least i know i have a job waiting for me! :) I'm 100% confident in God and in the fact that He'll provide whatever housing/financials i need. 

I also joined a bowling league..LOL. It's a thing where the suburb korean american churches come together..and bowl for 5 weeks! Great time for fellowship between the churches and also just spending time getting to know other people in the chicagoland area! And seeing calvary people outside church is great too :D 

But other than that..i don't think anything else is new. talk to me, chat me up, i'd love to talk to you more in detail! 
Thanks for all who always check up and for allowing me to encourage you guys through my words and my life. So much love for everyone back home and everyone i've been meeting. It's been a great journey and i'm excited for what is to come. :) Please feel free to ask for any prayer requests or just a time to rant/chat. I'm always open and free to converse with you guys.

OH and less than a month till i come home for 2-3 weeks :D #ijustcantwaittostuffmyfacewithalltheyummyfoodbackathome #ohimissyouguystoo ^^

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Friday, April 18, 2014

"It is finished."

"Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit." John 19: 30

Today, the darkest day in history...the ultimate sacrifice was given. The promise to give us eternal life and be with God...was fulfilled.
I still can't wrap my head around it all. The fact that God, OUR FATHER, loved us so much He sent His one and only son to die for us. (John 3:16) And Jesus wanted us to be with God, to receive His glory, His goodness....He was willing to bear it all. That God's will will be done.

I feel like every year since i could remember, Good Friday and Easter just came and went. I mean, i understood it was the time that God's promise, tracking all the way back to the first sin committed, was fulfilled. Since the first sin, God made a plan. A plan to save us under His wrath. That through His Son, we may ALL be saved. quick are we to just say it. To even proclaim and cry about it! But do we actually let it sink in? Let God reveal to us how deep that is and how significant today is..

I mean come on. If someone took a bullet for me, i'd know its love. I'd totally make a "holiday" for it and give all my respect and love to them. I'd be convinced i am loved.
So how about the cross? Do we really know what that means?

I admit fully and shamefully that until this past lent season, it wasn't anything special. I mean, yeah Jesus died and it was amazing and we're all saved. (yipeee!) But..i don't know. I just never thought of it the way i am now thinking of it. Like....Jesus was also human. He came down in human form. He went through all the temptations, all the actions, all the worldly things we experience on a daily basis. But He glorified GOD. He CHOSE to let God take over and let HIM be glorified- not this world, not anything else.

He even asked God to "take this cup" from him (Luke 22:42) when the hour came near...but..

"An angel from heaven appeared to Him and strengthened Him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground." Luke 22: 43-44

So we see in these verses His earnest prayer to God. Jesus knew God's plan for Him. It was to live the perfect, sinless life...then take on the burden of all sins. To get the whole wrath of God on our behalf. How scared and lonely must that have been......He even asked God to take the cup from Him. But he still goes on to say right after, "yet not my will, but yours be done." So Jesus asked God to take away the burden, but also if He can't, it's all good..because it's ultimately God's will to be done. He is so obedient and faithful. (We should probably be more like Him in our daily lives..)

But going back to what really just strikes me-- He was sinless. He didn't do anything!!!!! It gets me so mad and angry thinking about how people yelled out "Crucify Him!" (Mark 15:13) -- Like..come ON! What did he do?! Even if someone today committed murder, who are we to sentence them to death? God is the ultimate judge. All the sins i've committed and will commit..still doesn't measure up to the gruesome death He faced. Yet His death was made and planned the way it was, to top it all. It was the saddest, tragic, worst, but best death to ever happen. (for US!)

So i don't really know what else to say but...let's just remember today. Not as a day we got off of work and school. But....a day to remember. To honor and respect our God, who gave it all. Who loved us so much to the point of death. How can you even fathom? I can't!!! It's just so surreal and amazing and unimaginable.

He loves us so much. But let's just remember as well that He didn't die for nothing. He died that we may be blameless, pure, and white as snow. That our sins may be forgiven and we may have new and eternal life with the Father- just as He did. Once we comprehend, once we acknowledge and know in our hearts that truth, that amazing amazing truth...we can't stay the same. We have to want to make changes! I mean, trust me, it takes time..and we'll never be perfect. We will always fall short of His grace and all He's done. BUT! That by no means is an excuse to give ourselves false humility and not even try.

As we were justified in Christ, we were sanctified in Him as well. So going towards the Resurrection and the rest of our days on this temporary earth we live in, let's just love. Let's love our God-who loved us before the world was even created. Let's love one another- as Christ showed us through his life on earth- for we are all brothers and sisters unified through Him.

Again, i know it's easier said than done...but we gotta try right? We owe Jesus that much..He paid it all.

"I have decided to follow Jesus
No turning back, no turning back."

Do Everything in Love, Always~

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Depth of His Love

During this Holy week, i'm reading "Love to the Uttermost" from they had an electronic copy so i decided to do it. It's been super heres a blurb on it/my own take.

"While we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person - though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die - but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
Romans 5: 6-8

So when it comes to Jesus dying on the cross...what does that signify? His Love. So, how  g r e a t is His love for us? He reveals it in four different ways. (taken from Tuesday's devo)

  1. Cost: In our everyday life, we see the value of one's love through what it costs them. Jesus sacrifices it all. He gave His LIFE for us. It assures us with full confidence that His love is great. It'd be different if he just had a "few bruises." -- It cost Him everything to die for us.
  2. Unworthy: We are unworthy. When someone shows us love, wouldn't you think that we deserve it? Well He gives the definition of unconditional love. Even after we spat on Him, shunned Him, offended Him, and murdered Him- He loved us. We see in Romans 5: 5-8 of how undeserving we are. Even as we were sinners He died for us. Our unworthy-ness, our undeserving life...was all paid upfront with the cross.
  3. Benefits: We also tend to see how much people love us through what we get out of it. In everyday life, we see that done through our friends and family helping us out when needed. We were cursed. We were oppressed and living in absolute torment. With the cross, with what Jesus did for us...we are able to have eternal life. We are able to be in the presence of God!! Not only that, we get His love, joy, grace, blessings, and so much more.
  4. Freely: What have we done to deserve all of this? Jesus doesn't even ask anything from us before He dies for us. He simply just does. If this world was to hate Him and go against Him, He chooses to take His own life. He CHOSE to take it, lay it down on His own accord (John 10:18) and to do it all for us. When someone does something for you, it's usually out of guilt, obligation, contract, etc- When someone does something that isn't necessary or needed, it's pure love. What Jesus did was love. We see the greatness and depth of His love through this.
Jesus WILLINGLY came into this world to just do God's will. God loved us so much that He laid down His own die for US. US?!?!?!?! Who the heck are we to have this privilege. We have done absolutely everything to make Him NOT die for us. 

But He loves us. And He wanted to be with us...and just give us all the joys and blessings. EEP! Makes me so happy even thinking about it. Seriously though. Just picture someone- a friend, a family member..or even just a stranger. Imagine them knowing how sinful you are. Imagine them knowing all your baggage and brokenness in you. Imagine them knowing you talked badly about them- even hated them. Well, that's what happened with Jesus. He was mocked, abused, hated, spat on, and killed. Jesus voluntarily, happily, joyfully, but painfully...still died for all who did that.

He died for YOU. Yes, even you. You and your brokenness. You and your sinful nature. You and your short temper. You and all your sins. :') His love is just so deep -- we see it all in the 4 points made above. 

Well, i hope this encourages you guys to just know deeeeepdeeeep down how DEEP and GREAT His love is. It truly is. look at what He's done! haha. ok i'll stop now.
love y'aaaalll~ happy tuesday!

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Monday, April 14, 2014

I am Absolutely in Love with You. (How I Got Here Pt. 2)

"Jesus, you have me completely
Every breath that i breathe
I am absolutely in love
Jesus, I am yours forever
All of me surrenders
I am absolutely in love with you."

Recently came across this song again~ and i just love it. It seriously is a love song to God, just declaring how much in love we are. How much we're consumed by it...and that's the only place i'd ever want to be. Down on my knees, just completely drowning in His love, consumed by His grace.

This is my part 2 of how i got here. (Part 1) -- So ever since my YG days, i loved serving. I honestly think i learned how to serve and just give so much throughout my YG days. But to go back a little more than when i started serving, i actually was just a sunday go-er. I went to hang with friends and didn't even bother thinking about participating! I just wanted to have fun.

I remember the year the seniors were graduating, i started to hang out with the older kids more. I was in 8th grade at the time and thought the youth group just ran on it's own, and we all just come and have fun! Boy was i wrong. (so naive!) I soon realized once they graduated, we, as the congregation need to put in the work or it'll start crumbling. Someone needed to step up. So...the rest is history. I was "secretary" "president" etc~ and i took charge of whatever i could- skit planning, event planning, etc! I just grew a love and passion in being a leader. Just being able to lead them towards a direction in glorifying God and being a crucial part of it made me feel like i was doing something worthwhile- rather than my other life, where all i did was hang out, drink, do useless things.

Fast track to junior year of HS-- Going to a Christian university never was on my mind, but towards the end...i decided to try apply to Gordon College just for kicks. I don't even know major was nursing and they only had bio. But still, for some reason, i thought that if i got an amazing scholarship and financial aid, i'd just go..and my life with God would begin. Well, i did get accepted, but barely any money. So Pace i went!

So throughout my YG days, end of HS, and even my first semester at Pace, i always debated going to into ministry. Then a christian college.. Not because i necessarily was set on becoming a pastor, but i wanted to be in the environment. I craved it. I needed to learn more about God- i just didn't know how.
I even applied to Nyack december 2012..which i totally forgot about~ Well, i started most of the application and sent the initial parts in- just never completed it to get accepted.

I always had in my mind to serve and do ministry. I just never thought it'd be realistic. Because how many pastors do we really know? The ones at your church..sure! But other than that..i didn't have much exposure of people going into full-time ministry. Even now, out of my group of friends, i believe i'm the only one...except i have a few people i know who are in seminary/doing other ministry. But just a few years ago, i didn't have anyone to even discuss this lingering thought with! All my friends definitely wouldn't understand (or so i thought)- and what kind of reaction would i get if i were to proclaim i wanted to be a pastor. I still am weird about saying it now! Who am I to want to go into that field...

A pastor. Dang. Even when i was thinking of ministry, i don't think i ever thought i wanted to be a pastor. It was through my many many talks with my bestest friends, unnies, mentors that i saw that i could possibly do it. They would always randomly encourage me throughout conversations or just randomly, that i'd make a great pastor. Or YG pastor-- or they'd drop in slightly that they think that i'm going to end up being a pastor. Up until last September, i thought those were all bogus thoughts! If it even was slightly close to coming true to pursing that dream, it'd be wayyyy later in life- when i was happily married with 3 little nuggets.

Anddd well i guess like i said in my Part 1, i just wanted to live FOR God, and make a living for Him. I wasn't satisfied with working a secular job! I mean, definitely people are called for that and can serve in different ways. But for some reason....i have this huge heart to just serve in God's kingdom...

And to be completely honest...who the heck do i think i am to say i want to serve in God's kingdom?! How? Why ME?! What did i do to be chosen to have this desire and "calling" to be a part of God's mission here on earth. I don't even know what God wants me to do yet, but i do know for some reason...He put this huge passion in me to just love Him and show people what His love looks like.

I have a LOoooOOonnnGgggggg way to go. Trust me, i'm just as broken and messed up as you or a drug addict. Thankfully, we're saved- not because of what we do or what we don't do- but because God just loves us. :) But i'm working at it day by day! I think the biggest thing i'm just learning to do is love God..just fall so deep in love with Him. And just see how much God loves each and every one of you guys- and to try my best to show you guys how much He cares and loves you..because i know MANY of you guys just don't deep, how wide, how infinite His love really is. AH i just can't explain it- but it brings me to tears everytime i think of it.

anyways idk if this is really a how i got here thang but i wanted to share a bit. maybe there will be a part 3, who knows! :P

I hope everyone is enjoying their week, meditating on His word and what Jesus did this week..I'm super excited to just sink into the word and just talk to God about all He did for us. It stinks we only think about it so in depth during holy week and good friday leading up to Easter..but i'm still very thankful. Thankful we are able to think about it, read about it, and devote ourselves to it.

Alrrrighty, love you guys! miss you guys back at home, MAY 19TH - get ready :D
and for all who just read my blog for curiosity/stalkerness/boredom, thanks for reading. It's always a pleasure being able to share parts of my life, and seeing that people actually read it. I hope i only encourage you to seek God more and to discover how great He much He cares and loves.

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Monday, April 7, 2014

Week 12 Update

"You are strong when I am weak somehow
I am weak enough to see
I need you to cover me
If i ever needed grace, it's now"

This song has literally been on mind so much...i woke up singing in my head "You are strong when I am weak somehow" saturday morning at 5:28 am -- LOL
But it literally has been such an amazing song to just sing and remind myself how much i'm in need of His grace, daily. Whether my life seems fantastic or seems to be tumbling down... He's strong when i am weak and He always always covers me. Always provides for us.

Anyyyways hope y'all enjoy that song while you read my update..
Week 12~ officially 3 months in the midwest! i'm actually really enjoying illinois..i realized i compare it so much to home because i've lived in jersey most of my life (so i apologize for my annoyance!) But..illinois does has it's perks :) Amazing people, hidden gems, food jersey doesn't have, drive-thrus, and beautiful view of stars every night~ can't wait till it's warmer.
I still cannot believe i'm here- i wake up everyday in awe..just questioning what on earth i did to deserve His grace to be here, to be growing daily, to be receiving of His grace daily. MAN it's seriously a blessing.

School has been good~ i've been trying to get back to school mode so i'm getting a whee bit better! I had advising this week to see what to take next semester..and i was kind of freaking out because i'm never going to graduate -_- literally have soOooo many credits to take since a lot of my transfer credits will only be counted as elective. My goal is to graduate May 2016..But December 2016 won't be too bad~ as long as i get there..right? heh...
And i decided to change my emphasis! I came here for Youth Ministry, which is my emphasis~ but i'm going to do Pastoral Studies instead. So..Christian Ministries with an emphasis on Pastoral Studies. If you're interested in getting to know why, please ask- I'd be happy to share in depth rather than using just a few words here on my blog.

We had our first book club meeting this past saturday! it's been awesome so far. The book, "Life Together" Dietrich Bonhoeffer is about community within Christians. It's been a huge blessing reading it thus far, so i hope to share it as soon as i'm done :)
Some of us went rock climbing after book club- first time for mee! it was a really cool experience- seeing how easy it looks..yet so so difficult to achieve! My goal was to get to the top of at least, and although it was a 5.6 level of difficult (aka, super easy) - i did it! My goal for next time is getting through this 5.7 one...ah it was so difficult! :( Below are some pics from the day though ! 

 me and rebecka after sweating :D
 gettttting ready~

 our first official pic ! thanks james~

 so intense. guarantee you the ground was probably right below my foot. HAHA
 trying too hard to stay on :x

rebecka being the natural she is!! got up super high~

I also can't believe it's almost easter! Lent is almost over and it's probably the first time i'm not tracking down the days dying to finally do what i gave up (watch korean dramas) LOL - it's been tempting me like 2-3 times a week, but i'm solidddd

But i am counting down the days till easter break! Even though spring break was just a few weeks ago, i feel like i didn't really get rest rest~ and with christianschoolperks, we have 4 days off for easter break :))) ~ i'm just excited to chill and enjoy the hopefully beautiful spring weather that will take over that weekend. --which also leads me to say i've officially adapted spring. Although it's still 30-40 degrees most days, i've set my mind to SPRING MODE - aka i've ditched the jackets and refuse to look like i'm still rotting in winter. hehe.

Anddddd ma best biddie booked a ticket to see me when i finish my last final so i'm super super excited :) i can't wait to show her around and explore chicago together! 

Well, hope everyone has a victorious, blessed week ! much love to you guys all the time. 
And to leave you guys with some encouragement, i hope all of you know how much God loves you. Its easier said than to believed- but truly, that is my only prayer for you guys. Because then, i won't have to worry about you guys! lol! cause when you grasp even just a bit of how much God loves you and how much He cares for you, you'll be forever changed. -- so keep on keeping on, and fight the good fight! love you all, have a superrrrrbbb monday! xo

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Monday, March 31, 2014

Week 11 Update

Last day of March.
Where does time go?! I swear it was just new years.......and i swear i just got to illinois- lost & confused. (well i still am hehe)

but as i've said in previous posts, life is G O O D :)
I'm just so thankful everyday. Living in His grace everyday.
Everyday isn't spectacular or eventful...yet somehow God speaks to me. I either find it, or He finds me in the tiniest ways ~ it's sort of romantic and cute. ....

haha but seriously, everything has been great. school work is good except for my stupid world civ class..which i hate....and really considering dropping..but i'll push through! (prayformeplease)
church has been great. getting involved in their book club! we're reading "Life Together" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Apparently an amazing short read! will probably write a summary/review on it later on~

the only huge thing on my mind currently is my summer plans. I'm super duper excited to be going home May 19th (EEP) but i'm desperately searching to get hired here in Chicago for an internship or summer temp job. (prayformeplease) ! I've been getting glimpses of what God has in store for specifically in illinois, and i'm more than excited to follow and unwrap it all. So currently looking for jobs in chicago since it'll be ideal! but if not, i'm also applying for suburb jobs so continue with it after summer.
Also, looking for sublet/apt for rent over the hopefully i'll find an awesome deal~

Main reason i don't want to stay home (jersey) this summer is much as i miss home and my friends and ugh my beautiful ma, i know it won't do me any good. I will just be unproductive, lazy, and super comfortable. I want to be able to take full advantage of my first summer here~ explore the land, develop awesome relationships, and fall in love with this new state. my hopes are high! (crossingmafingers)

anyyyyways, other than that....

I do have a prayer requests for my dedicated stalkers <3 Thanks so much for even reading these useless posts, but following up/sometimes even admitting stalking me. It truly makes my day :') ~ but i'm currently/have always been struggling financially. I know God always ends up providing some way some how, so i just hope y'all would pray with me that He'll give my mom and I peace that He'll again- provide.

Also, as many of you know, i hate asking people for anything...even prayer requests! So thank you in advance. Especially when i asked for missions, i didn't expect anything, but got more than i ever imagined.

With that said...I would love any support i can get. I still have exactly $400 left to raise for my missions fund. Trinity has been overly gracious in giving me more time to raise it~ I thought i could keep babysitting, spend less money, and try my best to save up enough..but unfortunately it didn't happen.

My missions support letter is in my blog, but my updated post mission newsletter can be found through this link for download:

After reading, you'll see how much God has truly...just wrecked me...and opened my eyes. It's truly been an amazing opportunity and humbling experience to have gone and seen what God has been doing there. And also to see what God wants me to understand and comprehend about His love for His children. I truly hate asking for anything from anyone, but if any of you feel convicted to do so, i would happily, graciously, lovingly..receive any more donations if possible. Please do not feel obligated to! This is seriously me just putting it out there because i'm out of options. I'm sure God will provide in other ways if not :) But anyways, link is:

In advance, thank you for all who already contributed- and to those who might contribute. It's been a huge blessing (you can tell from my blogs) being here in Trinity and just serving those around me/taking any opportunity to serve. Please please don't hesitate to talk to me/share with me/ask for prayer requests. I am always so down to share my love for Christ with anyone! :)

Love you all, have a wonderful week everyone!! ^^

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Saturday, March 29, 2014

"He cares for you."

"All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because,
"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you
Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. "
1 Peter 5: 5b-10

Wow. Can we just take a few minutes to meditate on those verses?!
The few lines i bolded were just ones that really stuck out to me. I feel like these few verses really just sum it all up.

1. Be humble.
2. Relax, He cares for you, so no worries.
3. Stay strong. The devil prowls looking for someone to devour. (woah)
4. Relax, we all go through the same troubles. We can help each other through it.
5. God will restore you-- make you strong, firm, and steadfast.

That's basically a great outline of how to survive this crazy world we live in. I hope it encourages you to stay strong and to just trust in Him. He cares for you more than you can fathom. 
I know it's hard to understand when times are tough and your emotions and thoughts are clouded by the situation you're in. However, if you can...take a step back.

Take a step back and look at your life -- Has there been a time where you were left in the darkness forever? Where God deserted you? No! (Well, if you're in it now, no worries, He'll get you out) - He has always pulled through. He hasn't failed yet, He's not going to start now. 
It's all about perspective. He loves you, and you know it. So just trust in Him, put all your anxieties, burdens, and troubles onto Him. Stay faithful and strong in your trust in Him, and don't be swayed.

Again, i hope this is a lil weekend encouragement for anyone who needs it.
have a great weekend loves xo

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Broken & Damaged Goods

This year so far has been a tremendous blessing for me. I've heard so many stories and emotionally connected with so many souls. It's truly been a privilege to see where many of you come from -- especially the amount of "baggage" you carry. I honestly weep when i think about every single one of you guys who have shared bits and pieces with me. I only pray and hope for God to continue providing hope, restoration, reconciliation, and love.

While having the honor of hearing these personal stories, i've also been able to share bits of mine. I noticed i usually start sharing once i get the idea that the person see's me as "holy" or a "saint."
A lot of time, i've been called so "pure" and "innocent" -- At first i laugh it off because it's hilarious and totally false. But i found myself feeling sad afterwards. Not because i felt judged but because most of the time, i think they just might think i'm "better" than them.

If you've been reading my blogs/talking to me...i've been wrecked by God in the fact that i need to come back to earth, get off my mighty horse, and realize that we're all God's children (full of sin). Don't get me wrong - i wasn't super self-righteous or anything.. But i found my sub-conscious judging indirectly at people that didn't dress like me, acted like me, looked "normal", etc. 

So when i realized that there is even a slight possibility that they may have felt like i was better than them, it broke my heart. At that moment, i just wanted to rewind to the second they told me i'm "pure" a "saint" etc - and just tell them that i'm not better than they are. I am in absolute brokenness in God's eyes. Whether you compare me to the greatest pastor or a heroin addict on the streets - God see's me just as He sees His daughter...same ole broken soul. Needing love, grace, and His mercy.

We are all broken & damaged goods. We tend to forget that when we're on a spiritual high or when we're on a complete spiritual dry season...and we compare ourselves to those who are just so good in their walk or judge those who aren't so good.

So for those who might think that they're not on the same level as some people that are really awesome in their walks with God and just so "holy" -- as great as they are, we all go through the same struggles and pains. We all have our own brokenness and baggage. But note this: God loves us, no matter what. He doesn't say come perfect! (i know i've mentioned this in another post) He says come now. With nothing - because really..what can we possibly give to God, that'll be of any use? Just ourselves ! A pastor head of thousands of people and a person that parties every weekend/maybeeveneveryday.. LOL can come to God and still have nothing to offer, but themselves and their love to just serve our amazing gracious God.

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, 
and I will give you rest." Matthew 11: 28

Its seriously so simple! I mean, granted depending on how you feel about our Heavenly Father right now, i don't blame you if you don't see what i'm sayin' ...but whenever you're ready, i promise you...He'll do great things in your life. Because the thing is, He already is! You may not notice, but He's slowly molding you, even when you're far from Him. whyyyy?! Because He loves us. Just as we are.

So..i don't really know where i'm going with this anymore but...i'm really not a "saint" or "innocent" or "pure." (lol) - i am just as you are. living in sin, taking it day by day.
& most importantly, we are all equally loved by the amazing God upstairs~ so whenever you're ready to just say hi to Him in prayer or even just talk to Him real it!

Also, i'd love to even chat and hear your baggage! I have a lot of baggage to share as well to make you feel better..LOL :) And prayer requests will always be taken~ so please don't ever hesitate!

SIDENOTE:  -- Awesome site made by the talent Kelly GH Kim. Click it, explore it, and tell us...#IfTimeStoodStill, what would ya do?

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Week 9/10 Update

AH! HI GUYS~ Sorry it's been so long since i've blogged! After missions, i was extremely busy with so much school work/exams and life! #sorrynotsorry #yourgirlsgotalifenow
bahah! jk :)
But serious respect to those who have checked my blog nonetheless. I saw the page views go up even without an update..which means my stalkers have been faithful! LOL.

Missions was amazing~ Please read my newsletter posted on my FB for an update! That is the best way i could put it. And if anyone wants to talk to me about it more, please do~ I'd love to share in full detail and just encourage each other through my experience and what you can share with me.

Other than that, life has been g o o d~
School has been catching up so i've been busy with essays exams and all that fun stuff. I'm starting to not pay attention in my classes i should probably stop that... Hehe I'm such a great procrastinator tho! Literally.. Way too good at it.

I've been babysitting more! & the parents and kids are starting to trust me more so I'm happy :) they're super super cute and ask me if I have a boyfriend everytime I watch them.. But it's all good~ they insist I tell them as soon as I get one. Don't worry kids.. The whole world will know LOL!
But seriously.. Is it just me or is everyone dating, engaged, or getting married!? Stop making us single people envy your happiness & love!!

Seriously man.. But I do see a difference in how I feel about all this. Last year and before this summer id just be jealous because I'd want a boyfriend/significant other for my own selfish desires and wants. Now.. It's just waiting on Gods timing! I mean don't get me wrong.. My door is super open LOL~ but my jealousy in other relationships is because I envy their love. I just wanna love onto people and sometimes people don't take it well cause it gets overwhelming/I'm too nice.. So I'd love someone.. Just that one.. To love! Haha idk bye..

Anyways~ seriously guys I've never been so happy. I'm just so content with everything in my life and just loving every day and moment. And I have God to thank for that.
Sorry I can't update more than just random thoughts! On the plus side, for all my loves back at home.. Just 2 more months! & I'm home bound for 3 weeks~ ^^ heheeee

But I hope you all have a great rest of the week! I'm busy but would love to skype with whoever can! Aka ma girls and whoever just wants to chat me up. Love you guys & thanking God for all of you for letting me be able to share my awesome journey with Him with you guys :)

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Friday, March 14, 2014

Quick Debrief

Today was officially our last day with our ministry here in the community :'(
It really has been an awesome awesome experience and pretty life changing. God definitely rocked and shook my world and created a whole new set of eyes for me.

Here's a quick pic of my cute group. We grew so close the past few days :')

I just wanted to let you guys know that it's really been an amazing time here and I'm pretty set on trying to come back to the west coast to do some of Gods work here! I already dreamt about living here and the more I did some ministry here.. The more I'm thinking I can do so much of His work here. He really showed me how to love this trip. Obviously it's all up to God whatever He has in store.. But I'm rooting on Cali. It's seriously an amazing place here.. Filled with so many awesome people living out Gods work. I'm so excited to debrief with y'all once I get back to Trinity and give you a general idea of what it was all about! Especially to those who have prayed & financially supported me. You guys are all amazing.

Well we technically leave on Saturday morning so tmmrw will be our free day! So we'll be heading to Santa Monica Pier so I'm pretty stoked for that :) I went last year but only to a restaurant near by~ excited to see the beach & really enjoy Cali!! Hehe

Thanks for constantly checking up and stalking my blogs you guys! Hope you can keep praying for me and my faith~ it's seriously growing stronger every day. No turning back~

Miss you guys back at home.. Hope you guys are awesome. Praying for you guys! And have a wonderful weekend loves xo

Do Everything In Love, Always~

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Poverty Simulation

Hi beautiful ones! I'm happily loving missions right now~ well I finally am tonight... Because since Saturday night, I was in "poverty." It just ended tonight. After an amazing beach day with the kids from the churches after school program Saturday afternoon, we took a silent car tour to Skid Row.- a few blocks in LA where the homeless and drug addicts set up tents & squatted at. (Google it for more info)

When we got back to the church for discussion...
All 11 of us suddenly "lost everything." Actually, 2 of us became homeless.
So 9 of us were able to retrieve 3 personal items, keep just our inner wear, shoes, and one item we had on to wear .. We had to buy whatever else we needed. We were told we'd be given 27 "Say yes" dollars a day~ An average amount of what the people in poverty make..not real money.. & The 2 homeless people had no personal items to retrieve ...

So being the materialistic high maintenance person I realized I've become after moving to the Midwest, I was pissed. To say the least. LOL. I mean the idea of becoming poor and homeless was great for us to realize but I just didn't know it'd be to this extent. I'll just give a quick summary so I don't forget and just keep some of you guys who have supported, some details!

For my 3 items, I chose my sleeping bag, a towel(for more warmth/pillow if needed), and bought another item for 6 "say yes" dollars. So I had on my inner wear, RD long sleeve, and changed into my most comfortable jeggings.(currently bagged up in a plastic bag due to the filth.. Felt like pledging all over again!)  I gave away a personal item to one of the "homeless" girls haha. Oh! And I forgot to mention, we slept outside. In the pastors backyard. Can you just imagine my excitement?

Anyyyyways, so the cost of meals were "$7" and showers were "$5." Also bus rides were "$1" to "$2" depending on whatever he felt like asking for -___-

Sunday consisted of us in our clothes we wore from after the beach day on Saturday... To church! Arg I felt so nasty already and wanted to put on my nice Sunday wear. Fortunately, our God isn't one who cares what we look like. So we had the English service at 9 am, then the Spanish service at 11:30. Afterwards, we had a bunch of activities. Many of us also decided to just save eating and using our 7 for dinner. We figured we might not even get paid 27 a day because of thinking how the poor and homeless also never are stable and things just happen.

I had foolish hope thinking it'd be over by one night... Unfortunately we were still homeless. And we didn't get paid, as expected. Again, to say the least.. I was pissed.

Of course I understood the idea of this poverty simulation but I just didn't think it was very useful after the 24 hour mark. We got it. We need to appreciate what we have and also realize and put ourselves in the position of the poor & homeless. However, my initial expectations of this mission trip, along with the rest of my members was that we'd be hanging with kids, reaching out to the community and the ppl of LA, and just really spreading the gospel in the best way. I just didn't understand why I have to also smell, not eat, barely get any hours of sleep due to the 50-60 degree temperatures sleeping OUTSIDE.  I was very bitter...

I woke up probably over 20 times both nights~ I kept hoping it's be sunny out when I got up again.. Unfortunately it was still dark.. Every. Time. Finally when the sun got up, I'd get the courage to leave my sleeping bag and embrace the cold morning.  I actually cried this morning. LOL I felt so so pathetic but my head was pounding, I got barely enough sleep and I was hungry :'( I couldn't help but think so many negative thoughts. I was convinced the pastor was just a cruel cruel being.

I had actually made threats to my leader saying id run away and somehow get a room at the Marriott. LOL! How spoiled and bratty could I be?! But I still didn't understand.. Actually, now that it's over, I can still say I don't fully understand why it was more than 1 day. But~ I did gain a lot.

If you guys want to know all the details, definitely would love to tell you once I get back Saturday :) or just ask ! I finally have my phone back~ but obviously limited due to realizing not having it the past 2 days actually brought our group closer.

But all in all, I did get a lot out of it. I have kankor sores and I still feel gross after a 30 min shower. But hopefully the rest of the week, working with the kids will be amazing and evangelizing at Los Angeles City College in the mornings will be awesome & be a great experience.

Hope you guys are doing great~ happy Tuesday! I'm typing this on my phone so apologize for any typos heh. Love y'all~ and thank you for those who have been praying!! I promise I'll keep my heart on God and be positive towards all of this. And to those who have financially supported me, can't thank you enough! And you can always continue to donate through the link posted in previous posts. :)

Do Everything In Love, Always~