Love Goes On

"We found love that never runs dry

From the depths

To the sky

Eyes fixed on the one who knows no end

You stand strong for all the time

In the joy, In the trial

You are the Beginning and the End."

This song is from Hillsong Y&F's first album, which i fell in love with when it came out. I came across this song again tonight after an incredible time with one of my dearest friends, and it all rushed back to me. We were just having one of those real talks about life, struggles, etc. But the conclusion we came to is to keep fighting, stay thankful, and just trust.

His Love goes on. Its that simple. He IS the Beginning and the End, and despite anything life throws at you, He's there through it all. Its such a hard thing to remember when the bad comes and consumes you, or when the good comes, and distracts you from being thankful. However, its moments like these...moments of clarity, that we have to really hold onto. To hold onto the joy and beauty in it all. The greatness that comes with walking with Him.

--

Its definitely been a rough few months, i would even say a rough year. I personally haven't been spiritually fed properly or even had any conviction or motivation to do so. But thankfully, my amazing year last year has been (barely) holding me together. I still thank God daily for His goodness and grace, but i'm definitely not at a place where i was. (But then again, we never want to go "back" to a time when we were "good" with God-- we want to always look forward and realize that we've grown and it'll always be different, and always better.)

Through it all though, it really does come down to nights like tonight, where you take a step back and realize that He is just too good to avoid. Once you are blessed enough to really have the time to build the foundation and trust in the relationship between you and God, it will hold you together like glue.

I am and will always be thankful for the best year of my life so far, aka 2014. It was my year to understand His grace and to learn to be patient and thankful through trials. 

Just because 2015 hasn't been the greatest year does not mean i am defeated. Friends who know me, and have seen me...has described me as someone who is just swimming, going with the flow. But this flow hasn't been going upstream. It has going down fast into a sewer (LOL). And i really am/was. I thank one of my sistas in Christ for letting me realize this a few weeks ago, and now i'm finally trying to slowly crawl my way upstream. I think i've just been avoiding realizing that everything isn't OKAY because sometimes we don't want to think about our problems. We want to cover everything up and pretend everything is A-Okay! And that we don't need anyones help, guidance, or support.

But that then leads to present day Sarah Kim -- a confused, strayed, lost, helpless girl. Who's sole support came from the distraction of work, failed relationships, and anything else that didn't lead me to depending on God.

Fast forward to me finally realizing and thinking about my issues, i'm hoping to do something about it. Its going to be a long long struggle and process, but i guess i'm ready. (?!) I know whats right and i know that i have to lean on God -- especially after nights like tonight where i'm taken back to the place where i first understood -- where i first realized that God IS the beginning and end. Alpha Omega, literally the one consistent in my life. So what else can we do right? He is literally our rock, our anchor. Through the tough times, His love carries us through this life we have to live here on this earth! 

That also leads me to remind myself that this life here is so temporary. 90 years on this planet is a second compared to the eternity we have to spend with Him afterwards. So...while i'm here on this earth, i need to stop wasting my life with useless things that only give me temporary happiness!! Or at least slowly try to. Because what is life, where is the meaning, when you're only living for yourself and/or any idols. (Anything you love more or spend more time thinking about is definitely an idol) Especially when you have an incredible, awesome God you serve...who is and always will be on your side.

His love seriously goes on and is too good to pass up. 

I hope you guys get somewhat encouraged by this random post after several months of hiatus. I really hope and pray i can continue to trust in Him and lead in His ways...not the worlds....#accountabilitypartnerswhereyouat #helpasistaout

Also feel free to reach out to me to chat or ask for any prayer requests. Community is all we got when it comes to helping with the struggle of fighting this good fight. The enemy is strong, but we serve an even stronger God! Who gives us people to lean on and to keep going. Although life can get crappy, and we all have our own share of burdens, we're also meant to carry each others...so burden on guys! 

xx

How Can It Be?

You plead my cause, you right my wrongs

You break my chains, You overcome

You gave Your life, to give me mine

You say that I am free

How can it be? How can it be?

Isn't that a question we should be waking up with... How can it be? How is it that God....Lord...SOVEREIGN over everything..loves us? forgives us? is there for us?

His grace just continues to overwhelm me. It simply isn't something that we can understand or even begin to comprehend. It just is.

Now, He has done so many good things for me that i don't deserve..i don't know where to begin. But, let's talk about that amazing grace He decided to just drown me in today--

Today was a very nerve-wracking day for me..I've been dreading it since last year. I had to go to court from a time last summer that a leonia cop scanned my parked car, and realized that the owner (me) had their license suspended. My license was suspended because NJ thought i didn't have insurance. But i did! my car was registered in NJ, but had IL insurance.. (i know, i'm an idiot) -- My insurance company had told me to change it to IL since i was in school majority of the year..but failed to tell me to change my plates/registration to IL (duh sarah). 

Well, thanks to my good friend, she helped drive me to the MVC, restore my license, and to go along driving merrily. I still had a ticket in my hand and a court date waiting for me. I had pushed the court date two or three times because i looked up the penalties and fines that come along from driving while suspended....Lets just say i needed a minimum of $500 and could even go to jail if found guilty!! (I was ready to spend a night in jail today...)

So as my superhero mother and i go into the Leonia courtroom today around 5:45 PM...i found myself just praying. Hmm- why is it that we pray and plead to Him desperately in times of trouble? I mean, i prayed a few days in advance and i always pray! But dude, this was a desperate cry to Him- i was really tryna feel Jesus in that court room (LOL)

Anywhooo, so for people that have never been to court (good for you, i've been in court 4 times now), you go up to the prosecutor and he determines your fine/penalty.. Then you get called by name to the judge, and he determines the final call. Around 7:15 i finally have my name called my the prosecutor...i'm nervous as can be, ready to hear that i'm going to have to drop at least $500 and possibly get my license suspended again.

But hey hey hey! GOD IS GOOD MY FRIENDS - He tells me that instead, he'll drop it to $54 instead of the huge 5 hundo because i reinstated my license the same day i got the ticket (thank you Sophia.) -- WOO i was smiling ear to ear folks! I went back to my seat and told my mom, and we were so relieved. Thanking God and errthang. Telling her that we're celebrating with 빵~

So then the judge finally called my name. Confidently, i went up, getting ready to just say "Yes your Honor" and "Guilty" -- It went really fast that i don't even remember the questions he asked specifically...but ultimately, it lead me to say "I work at anthropologie....its a retail store! Yes your honor...Yes...Okay..Really? Thank you!" 

He found me NOT GUILTY!!!!!!!!!!!!! guys...i don't think you understand but this is the real deal, miracle, God is totally in the room with me, totally in the judge's heart, TOTALLY DROWNING ME IN GRACE!

So then i walk over to the paying line, thinking okay well i have a court fee to pay at least right? HA! Nah yo, God doesn't work that way. When He works, He gives it His all. As my mom and I stand on line, the judge says, "Hey! I found you not guilty..go home!" LOL - i literally responded with "wait..i don't pay anything?!" He then proceeded to tell my mom and I to have a good dinner together.

If that isn't grace folks, i don't know what is. 

I found myself singing this song on my way home....even explaining my mom the lyrics, and talking about how wonderful He really is.

Romans 11:6 (ESV) goes to say "But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise, grace would not be grace."
Grace would not be grace. -- Take a moment to think about that. If all the wonderful things that just miraculously happen to us, was because we are all model citizens, and the best christians...then it would not be grace. It would just be works and rewards. And trust me when i say this, I am not a good person. I am a sinner, and i definitely do not deserve half the things He graces me with.

Friends,
God rights our wrongs... He overcomes... He gives us life... and He sets us free.
I think a lot of times we forget it. Even for me! I knew He'd protect me, but i decided before going in that if it was going to be a fine and punishment, that i'd handle it. That i deserved it since i was stupid, careless, and didn't follow the law. Ha! If only grace worked like that...well, it wouldn't be grace right? ;) -- To be good, to do bad, to do anything really...doesn't reflect what God gives us. He ultimately wants to see us happy, see us loved, and bring us everything we want in this life. And in return, He just wants the love back. He just wants us to acknowledge that there isn't a why, how, or if when it comes to His love and grace. All we gotta do is just know that He already loves, He already wants to give, and we just need to say know it, and believe it.

I just really wanted to share this with you guys...i know i haven't been blogging too much, but i hope this encourages you guys! He seriously is so great, and working even when we least deserve it. He always has our back...so much that we laugh at ourselves for worrying. THAT is the God we believe, love, and hope in. :)


always do everything in His love,
SK

The Wait

It doesn't take someone who knows me to the core, to know that i'm dying to leave home already.
I proclaim it loud and proud that i'm getting out of jersey as soon as i get the "Go." As soon as God finally tells me that my time home is finished-- that i've completed my time here (jeez, it sounds like i'm stuck in prison), i'm on a one way flight to Chicago or LA. *my heart is torn.

So as i'm currently in the wait, i literally don't know what to do sometimes....
Does anyone else feel that way?
Where you absolutely know and trust that He is Sovereign..that He'll point you toward greatness once the time comes?...but still, you just have this restless mind and impatient heart..?

What do you do then?????
I honestly don't know. I feel empty and useless..
I'm not doing anything that is helping anyone, literally just concentrating on myself during this time...and i hate it. I feel like a vegetable..just sitting on a kid's plate..being ignored.


BUT- As i acknowledged that i need only to be still during this time - to just seek after HIM... i started to get excited. Excited for the future...excited for all the amazing things He is just waiting to pour into my life. He's BEEN waiting with one hand out, just waiting for mine to reach out. With the confidence that God is by my side, i'm filled, and overwhelmed with dreams and possibilities!!!

I think that's whats amazing about being young- still growing, making mistakes, taking risks, and just trusting God to redirect you if you fail (lol). You really don't have much to lose, and you are more willing to go out of your comfort zone (especially if you're single)

And with that said, i cannot wait to finally get the "GO" and to move to a new place, to explore more of this beautiful earth God let us live in, to meet the amazing brothers and sisters i have wherever i may go, and to just sit in His grace, His goodness, His love.... EEEEP - the future is bright you guys!! just gotta believe... ;)




always do everything in His love, xx