Monday, June 30, 2014
Week 17-24 Update//Discpline
I have failed as a blogger. Sorry for the 7 week hiatus!
But i promise i'll write more. PROMISE.
Anyways, i had finals and then i went home for a bit so i hope you excuse the huge gap in my blog.
I hope you all have been goood~ it was good to go back home and have people already know what's been up thanks to this blog :) so for those who still follow it and read, thank you and i hope i don't bore ya to death :)
To quickly refresh you guys.. not that y'all care, but whateves heh
I moved into an off-campus place! Seriously, thank GOD. It was so last minute..4 days before I had planned to come back to illinois, i had my brother and rebecka look at a place i found through craigslist. I am seriously in God's favor because the family ended up being korean, the rent is super affordable, and it's in a great neighborhood. Awesome.
I've been working more at Anthro...not as much as i'd wish because i'm use to 32-40 hour/week at Uniqlo..but hopefully i can pick up more hours! And the pay isn't great either so i've been struggling with that... However, i'm hoping to keep working hard to get a raise/promotion in a few months! I'm confident God wanted me at Anthro right now so i'm holding onto the hope that it'll suffice financially..for now. And i've been babysitting once a week so that's been my spark of joy midweek :D
As for school, finished the semester...not sooo strong ..could have done better :/ ..but nonetheless, done with my first semester at Trinity! And it was a great one, to say the least. It seriously feels like just yesterday, i was packing my things into my lil tiny car, making my way to a new place, stepping out into the unknown....where God asked me to go.
Actually, rather than going more in depth about my superficial updates..i want to update my spiritual life. It's been half a year now, 6 months now, since i came here...and it's been a great journey. I grew so much spiritually, emotionally, mentally...and definitely learned a lot about myself. But for those who know me, i've always been known to be completely honest and blunt, so to be honest, at the moment...my spiritual life is definitely not the best.
I think after Easter, it's been a struggle. After being SO good, it's come to the point where i really need to focus on the discipline. I mean, i tell myself everyday that i need to pray more, read the bible more, love more, act kindly..more...LOL and all that jazz. It's gotten harder without the prayer and without the bible reading. So today was actually the first day in a while that i sat down and just read the word, reflected, worshipped, etc. And it was great. I always seem to want that daily, yet become so lazy that i put it off..that it becomes weeks until i do it again.
So i guess i'm just missing that set discipline needed. Because, as i've said many times earlier..our relationship with God, cannot be based on pure emotion. That fire, that emotional high you get after a retreat, revival, mission trip, etc...cannot be held onto. Our salvation cannot be based on how we "feel" at the moment!! Ahhg. I tell myself that all the time, yet fall into it eventually.
I think i tell myself everyday, "DISCIPLINE SARAH! Just open up the bible. Just spend some quiet time. DOOO ITTTTT" ...bahaha
Because..trust me, i don't always "feel" God. There are times i just want to just go crazy and live in this world. However, i am way too quick to deny that. I know it never fulfills me the way God does. So how can i discpline myself..to keep fighting this good fight. To not let the enemy take over my mind and allow myself to ignore my relationship with Him..
Again, to be completely honest, i don't know. But what i do know, is that God is by my side no matter what. That no matter what, He will never forsake me. He knows my heart and knows that i desire for Him..but He also knows that i live in this world, surrounded by distractions and temptations. Does that make it right for me to ignore Him..not at all. But, He is the gracious God we know, and i just need to trust that He'll always be there when i come back. And i do always come back!
And if you've been reading my blog since day 1, i decided to follow Jesus. I decided to step out into the unknown, trust Him completely, and to surrender it all. That has not changed. I still have my full trust in Him, and Him only. I just get distracted time to time, but at the end of each day, i know whom i belong to. I know that i want to live for Him with the fullest, and with everything.
So to offer up some sort of encouragement after that depressing update, which really isn't depressing at all...When fighting this fight, there will be times of hardship, questioning, dryness, and much more. But we knew that right?! Just keep fighting. It's been tough for me, especially not always being encouraged...but remember why you're here. Remember HOW you are there. Remember what God has provided for you and has done for you. And don't ever forget that He hasn't failed you yet- nor is He going to start now. And that's why i believe community is the most important. They're there to encourage you, and to let you not forget. I'm grateful and forever blessed with those God provided me with. To see others continue this race towards Christ..it encourages me more than y'all know.
So please. Continue to fight the good fight. Continue to seek the Lord. Continue to fight for your eternal life. I'll be running with you guys :)
For any prayer requests, rants, chats, feel free to msg me. I'm always up for a great God convo.
Do Everything In Love, Always~