Monday, April 14, 2014

I am Absolutely in Love with You. (How I Got Here Pt. 2)

"Jesus, you have me completely
Every breath that i breathe
I am absolutely in love
Jesus, I am yours forever
All of me surrenders
I am absolutely in love with you."

Recently came across this song again~ and i just love it. It seriously is a love song to God, just declaring how much in love we are. How much we're consumed by it...and that's the only place i'd ever want to be. Down on my knees, just completely drowning in His love, consumed by His grace.

This is my part 2 of how i got here. (Part 1) -- So ever since my YG days, i loved serving. I honestly think i learned how to serve and just give so much throughout my YG days. But to go back a little more than when i started serving, i actually was just a sunday go-er. I went to hang with friends and didn't even bother thinking about participating! I just wanted to have fun.

I remember the year the seniors were graduating, i started to hang out with the older kids more. I was in 8th grade at the time and thought the youth group just ran on it's own, and we all just come and have fun! Boy was i wrong. (so naive!) I soon realized once they graduated, we, as the congregation need to put in the work or it'll start crumbling. Someone needed to step up. So...the rest is history. I was "secretary" "president" etc~ and i took charge of whatever i could- skit planning, event planning, etc! I just grew a love and passion in being a leader. Just being able to lead them towards a direction in glorifying God and being a crucial part of it made me feel like i was doing something worthwhile- rather than my other life, where all i did was hang out, drink, do useless things.

Fast track to junior year of HS-- Going to a Christian university never was on my mind, but towards the end...i decided to try apply to Gordon College just for kicks. I don't even know major was nursing and they only had bio. But still, for some reason, i thought that if i got an amazing scholarship and financial aid, i'd just go..and my life with God would begin. Well, i did get accepted, but barely any money. So Pace i went!

So throughout my YG days, end of HS, and even my first semester at Pace, i always debated going to into ministry. Then a christian college.. Not because i necessarily was set on becoming a pastor, but i wanted to be in the environment. I craved it. I needed to learn more about God- i just didn't know how.
I even applied to Nyack december 2012..which i totally forgot about~ Well, i started most of the application and sent the initial parts in- just never completed it to get accepted.

I always had in my mind to serve and do ministry. I just never thought it'd be realistic. Because how many pastors do we really know? The ones at your church..sure! But other than that..i didn't have much exposure of people going into full-time ministry. Even now, out of my group of friends, i believe i'm the only one...except i have a few people i know who are in seminary/doing other ministry. But just a few years ago, i didn't have anyone to even discuss this lingering thought with! All my friends definitely wouldn't understand (or so i thought)- and what kind of reaction would i get if i were to proclaim i wanted to be a pastor. I still am weird about saying it now! Who am I to want to go into that field...

A pastor. Dang. Even when i was thinking of ministry, i don't think i ever thought i wanted to be a pastor. It was through my many many talks with my bestest friends, unnies, mentors that i saw that i could possibly do it. They would always randomly encourage me throughout conversations or just randomly, that i'd make a great pastor. Or YG pastor-- or they'd drop in slightly that they think that i'm going to end up being a pastor. Up until last September, i thought those were all bogus thoughts! If it even was slightly close to coming true to pursing that dream, it'd be wayyyy later in life- when i was happily married with 3 little nuggets.

Anddd well i guess like i said in my Part 1, i just wanted to live FOR God, and make a living for Him. I wasn't satisfied with working a secular job! I mean, definitely people are called for that and can serve in different ways. But for some reason....i have this huge heart to just serve in God's kingdom...

And to be completely honest...who the heck do i think i am to say i want to serve in God's kingdom?! How? Why ME?! What did i do to be chosen to have this desire and "calling" to be a part of God's mission here on earth. I don't even know what God wants me to do yet, but i do know for some reason...He put this huge passion in me to just love Him and show people what His love looks like.

I have a LOoooOOonnnGgggggg way to go. Trust me, i'm just as broken and messed up as you or a drug addict. Thankfully, we're saved- not because of what we do or what we don't do- but because God just loves us. :) But i'm working at it day by day! I think the biggest thing i'm just learning to do is love God..just fall so deep in love with Him. And just see how much God loves each and every one of you guys- and to try my best to show you guys how much He cares and loves you..because i know MANY of you guys just don't deep, how wide, how infinite His love really is. AH i just can't explain it- but it brings me to tears everytime i think of it.

anyways idk if this is really a how i got here thang but i wanted to share a bit. maybe there will be a part 3, who knows! :P

I hope everyone is enjoying their week, meditating on His word and what Jesus did this week..I'm super excited to just sink into the word and just talk to God about all He did for us. It stinks we only think about it so in depth during holy week and good friday leading up to Easter..but i'm still very thankful. Thankful we are able to think about it, read about it, and devote ourselves to it.

Alrrrighty, love you guys! miss you guys back at home, MAY 19TH - get ready :D
and for all who just read my blog for curiosity/stalkerness/boredom, thanks for reading. It's always a pleasure being able to share parts of my life, and seeing that people actually read it. I hope i only encourage you to seek God more and to discover how great He much He cares and loves.

Do Everything In Love, Always~

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