Friday, February 28, 2014

Letting Go

I'm slowly learning to let go of things that i hold onto just because of familiarity or history. Especially when it comes to relationships.

Is it valid to keep relationships because of the history both sides have? Or because you just have so much love for someone? Is it valid to keep a relationship because you care & want to fight? I use to think so because relationships are all about being intentional and trying your best to keep at it. But now i'm doubting myself...Maybe it's useless for me to hold onto something we both already lost.

I don't even think it's letting go or the saying "i'm going to drop him/her"~ It's just more of a realization that i don't need to put my ALL into a friendship that doesn't offer the same. Obviously i don't get into friendships because i want something or need something in return. All i ask is action following your words. If i care enough to do something, i do expect it to be a two way street, in whatever manner you show/express your love. I'm pretty flexible when it comes to that.
& If you know me well enough, i'm an all or nothing type of girl. But sadly, maybe i just need to redefine that with my friendships because i end up hurting them, or i just hurt myself.

Especially being out here, i'm realizing so much about what i mean to people and how much effort they're willing to take to actually show they care. Because as much as i know people care about is that even true? Should i be making excuses and validating the "care" my friends have for me? I don't think so. & If you don't know anything about someone, how do you care about them? History? Sure. You'll always love them and "be there" for them...but i'm starting to learn there needs to be a set boundary in order to protect yourself, and even them.

And like i said earlier, maybe i'm just putting the effort and all into the wrong friendships. Maybe--just maybe, while i've been concentrating so much on certain relationships, other people have been feeling the same way about me. Why haven't i been putting effort? Why haven't i been giving a text here and there, making sure they're doing ok? All these thoughts have seriously been in my head daily for quite some time...

And for those who have been there for me always through encouraging words, deep talks, constant love, making sure everything is OK, i know i said thanks in an earlier post..but serious serious thank yous to you guys. I honestly am still here today and loving life and the Lord because of you guys. Your views of friendships and how to maintain them go side by side on how i define them..and i think thats what matters. We see eye to eye & God has definitely placed each of you guys specifically in my life, at the rights times. So much love for you guys. <3

Unfortunately, and sadly.. A lot of people our age and in our generation don't take the time to think this way. Am i wrong or too sensitive to be thinking so in depth about friendships/relationships? Have you thought about if your friendships are healthy? I honestly think people are just too lazy and too comfortable to think about it.

YES we're busy, YES we have jobs and lives. But that is no excuse to keep a relationship that doesn't better each other. That doesn't want the best for each other. That doesn't even communicate with each other. It doesn't even matter about the time spent with each other, but the time you spend investing in loving/caring/encouraging each other. (in however way you do so)

And for some reason, friendships are important to me in the way i define them. And i don't think i'll change it. Yes, i'll love and always care about everyone i've known/gotten the blessing to know in the past few years of my life. But again, is it valid to hold onto that just because i want to? Maybe they don't even care about me! lol.

I guess what i'm trying to just release/get out of my system is that I care about my friendships. I care about what i can do for you in order for you to grow/mature, especially with God. And I expect to be surrounded by people that want the same for me and those around them as well. Is that so wrong..? When there is no communication, no proof of that love and care...would i even define us as being friends?

I honestly don't know anymore.

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